The Turtle

The king of antisocial media. Blow yourself.

Stop having human babies before I find and shame the living fuck out of you. I am a big fan of hammers. No longer a tech addict and mostly militantly don't give a shit.

Public Key

npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q

NIP-05 Address

the_turtle_at_mastodon.sdf.org@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsfq04trn594y9d8sywc93lkc32m8chr985r8gqdg08378ack4nm3sja5vrt

Author Public Key

npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q

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Last Notes

2024-10-22 12:32:49

"I can PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....
EXACTLY WHERE I WANNA PEE!!"
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/351/085/843/968/752/original/e009ad4b45c82237.jpg

2024-10-08 00:44:28

Weather Channel is rerunning their baldface infomercial for Generac again. Of course they're interviewing some upper-middle-class white people in Houston!

2024-10-06 21:25:50

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@npub1k9q…j0yn Tony Romo is decent. Brady at least is not like Tirico and Collinsworth, both of whom earned their stfu hashtags and whom I turn off in favor of the Spanish language audio, even though I don't speak Spanish.

2024-09-19 23:38:44

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@npub1eql…kd25 let SCRABBLE do it!
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/166/849/911/289/388/original/34472d120a680eed.jpg

2024-09-19 23:27:14

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@npub105e…f9gk the edge of the planet, but you can get seafood and hear airplanes.

2024-09-12 17:43:08

Laura Loomer is batshit fucking crazy and needs to put in a large tank filled with delicious Jell-O® Pudding and Pie Filling, and a shark.
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/12/politics/laura-loomer-donald-trump-influence/index.html

2024-09-12 15:33:40

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@npub18qz…l3sd they make terrible waffles.

2024-09-12 15:15:20

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@npub1ltc…p3cm hopefully not a return to incomprehensible rappers or squeaky cutesy girls.
Normal-sounding people would be a relief.

2024-09-12 15:10:41

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@npub1ltc…p3cm the whole "bro" thing is over, anyway. They are tiresome.

2024-09-12 15:04:20

Verizon seriously needs to fuck a wood chipper.
I'm watching on their shitty app, and literally *in the middle of a show,* it switches to a screen that demands I update their shitty app NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW and refuses to run DUE TO A CRITICAL FAILURE that apparently can't wait five fucking minutes.
Play store description of "what's new in this app?"
"Improvements and bug fixes."
They suck shit.
Forced updates suck shit.
People who require them need to be hit in the face. Hard.

2024-09-12 14:09:32

Dear all ad executives:
You may be considering putting bros in your ads.
Stop that.

2024-09-12 13:49:56

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@npub1y0k…dhyh they invented that shit.
Well, my gut says it will pass and then GOP state assholes will refuse to take action on it, or won't accept the results, and the litigation will go on and on.

2024-09-12 13:25:59

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@npub1y0k…dhyh i don't know... it's a big world. There's probably some guy in Indonesia or Burma or sub-Saharan Africa we don't even know about yet.

2024-09-12 13:13:01

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@npub1y0k…dhyh holy shit, it's a whole stadium filled with pots and kettles.

2024-09-12 12:55:13

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@npub1y0k…dhyh still, far out. He should drive over and hang out and talk to Dolly about how cool it is to be an actually good celebrity.

2024-09-12 12:53:43

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@npub18jh…phdn all the kitchen bros are like WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT IRON PAN????

2024-09-12 12:48:17

Well, THIS is random as shit:
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/11/entertainment/jon-bon-jovi-nashville-bridge/index.html

2024-09-12 12:11:40

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@npub1ccp…h7j0 bandwidth savings.
Seriously, "bug fixes and improvements" as a status update for your app should result in a ban. WHAT bugs? WHAT improvements? WHY?

2024-09-12 12:09:48

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@npub1k7a…shks somebody worked their entire life to write that code.
It's on their LinkedIn.

2024-09-11 23:02:43

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@npub1y0k…dhyh those poor transcribers. I hope they smoke a bowl and listen to something good to get his voice out of their heads.

2024-09-11 21:57:53

A few more Harris/Walz yard signs have appeared in our neighborhood. There are a few trumpy signs, which I notice are almost always far back from the sidewalk, probably so passing dogs don't piss on them.

2024-09-11 21:54:37

It would be so cool if being an enormous dipshit was a federal crime.
https://text.npr.org/nx-s1-5108632

2024-09-11 20:53:27

Trump lost over $200 million on his shitty stock after it lost almost two bucks a share today. Wall Street must have watched the debate.

2024-09-11 20:35:08

Some genius at Fox Weather just said "it's a weak hurricane, but it's still a powerful hurricane."
Whut?

2024-09-11 20:34:04

Oh, well. Weis Markets delivery is on its way but they were out of an interesting item I wanted to try... a bacon-flavored liverwurst.
Next time maybe.

2024-09-11 20:30:36

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@npub10dv…3quy are you there isn't a horse inside there somewhere?

2024-09-11 20:17:18

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@npub10dv…3quy i just did a search on Amazon for Wintec... it's all saddles and horse-grooming supplies!!

2024-09-11 19:25:53

See, Weather Channel?
When there's no hurricanes, don't waste our time talking about hurricanes!
Now there's a hurricane, so now is the time to talk about hurricanes!
"Close it... it plays! Open it... it stops!"
Unfortunately you're already fucking it up by sending that asswipe Justin Michaels to Louisiana instead of a real meterologist who isn't an insufferable fuckface.
#weatherchannel

2024-09-11 14:02:30

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@npub1y0k…dhyh it will be interesting to keep an eye on it today and tomorrow, particularly if he says or does something particular oafish in connection to 9/11.
Of course he will.
Five bucks is well within reach.

2024-09-11 13:54:35

His shitty stock is down to around fifteen bucks.
Yay.

2024-09-11 13:39:53

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@npub170h…s5sn but he didn't have a shit-fit on camera! His head was supposed to blow off like a champagne cork!

2024-09-11 13:31:59

I am pretty sure Chinese vendors on Amazon make up what they think are American-sounding brand names by grabbing random letters out of a Scrabble bag, or cutting up paperback books like William S. Burroughs.
What's a "Fvoai?" Don't know, but we have some of their bug zappers.
Another one is "Yissvic." It looks like a small black tennis racket.
One of my USB power bricks is "BeCharming."
Jean has a skirt from the unfortunately-named fashion powerhouse called "Assual."
Shoes? "CDXJHYMY."

2024-09-11 13:12:21

This is that part of the show where we say absurd phonemes to the cats.
"Ilsh!"
"Zibb?"
"Noooooooga!"

2024-09-11 06:45:45

Many years ago, a lady I was dating emailed me and said, "you know, you can be really rude at times."
I didn't blow it off. I actually thought carefully about what she said for several weeks, and emailed her back and said, "yeah, youre right, and here's how and when."
- bull your way into my consciousness
- blame others
- don't do what I paid you to do
- I-just-work-here
I have tried to find that actual email and failed, over 20 years later.
She and I are still friends.

2024-09-11 06:22:03

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@npub1dnn…yyg8 just use random-ass words to confuse the normals.
Turtle
(They/snorve/cheese/ostrich)

2024-09-11 06:19:46

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@npub1a5z…hcww she only has to be 35 when she takes office.
Dolly Parton could quite effectively throw dump off the edge of the world.
She's good like that.

2024-09-11 06:13:42

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@npub1ke6…z7av yeah, we dig it. We're not laughing WITH him.
Or Boris or Nigel, if you're in the UK.

2024-09-11 06:11:44

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@npub1dl0…49nf
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/117/436/420/908/249/original/32577303e6e93432.jpg

2024-09-11 05:58:37

Looks pretty fuckin' valid to ME...
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/117/383/200/910/994/original/f648ac5405ab8d1e.png

2024-09-10 15:10:24

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@npub1y0k…dhyh yeah, buy them $25 plastic hats and the $60 bibles, folks...

2024-09-10 13:30:12

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@npub1nlf…w27r how long ago did that come out? The federal agency I did some work for 14 years ago had been doing it for a couple of years by then.

2024-09-10 12:03:21

Companies regard support as an expense to be minimized, and it bites them in the ass. They almost always hire the LEAST capable and skilled staff to resolve things, when they should have at least a few genuine wizards. Some script-reading guy in Mumbai named "Jeff" gets blown away when the script doesn't work. You need someone who doesn't need a script.
Right now I'm dealing with three different (wrong) approaches to support, which is in this thread.
#support

2024-09-10 02:24:20

After an evening of looking through fairly old stuff on the laptop, looks like I cannot avoid finding my box of USB and FireWire backup drives to find old stuff that isn't on the laptop for some reason.
You'd think two and a half terabytes of space would mean I don't have to move stuff onto USB drives. Well, it wasn't always two and a half terabytes.
I did find some interesting old stuff, including the early years of my blog, mostly 1997-2002.
The word "blog" didn't exist in July of 1997.

2024-09-10 02:05:18

Remember, Monty says reach for iced coffee first!
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/110/799/438/349/618/original/80b996cd4bc788f5.mp3

2024-09-09 22:34:08

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@npub1qqh…lpex even in personal conversation at the pub, I shout "CITATION NEEDED!"

2024-09-09 22:32:57

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@npub1vd2…hred i used to have a build of Linux that would run on a third-generation iPod. No idea where it is now.

2024-09-09 22:04:53

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@npub1ryj…pthh THEM STRAWBERRIES LOOK JUICY!
https://youtu.be/YjaZNYSt7o0

2024-09-09 21:57:05

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@npub1f2z…kh0y NBC' Saturday Night had it down years ago in the Coneheads days:
Fried eggs and six-packs.

2024-09-09 17:58:23

This is important, so that iPhone can say stupid English-wanker stuff like "goad meadows in the poo."
"Apple Intelligence will be available as a free software update, Federighi said. It's available in US English next month, with localized English in the UK, Australia and more in December."

2024-09-09 17:47:50

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@npub19zs…wz0p they should have called it Vulcro, then. Those green-blooded logicians sucked at branding.

2024-09-09 17:46:07

CLEVELAND FOOD!

2024-09-09 16:14:26

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@npub120t…5z9n
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/108/481/698/171/000/original/3966075d5c93ac91.png

2024-09-09 15:59:56

What the fuck?
We've been hyakugojyuuichiless for over a MONTH!
https://youtu.be/EqO5lNS094M

2024-09-09 15:32:04

Those of you who don't have a car and for some reason still use cabs, this is worth looking at.
I personally don't use cabs any more because they almost universally suck, but other people may still use them.
https://www.cbc.ca/news/business/taxi-scam-amazon-1.7315130

2024-09-09 15:24:26

A big reason the last "famblee-friendly" kick for Las Vegas petered out was, "young famblees don't gamble."
The whole town is powered by gambling, and that is a bedrock fact they won't escape.
"Young famblees" take cheap flights, stay at the cheap hotels, eat at the cheap buffets, watch the free shows, gawk at the fountains at Bellagio, and never put a nickel in a slot machine, which is not gonna make Las Vegas money.
https://lite.cnn.com/travel/las-vegas-family-attractions/index.html

2024-09-09 15:14:27

They'll immediately get sued by sixteen red states who will insist it's their right to ignore, arrest and kill people with mental disorders until they shoot up an elementary school or run for President.
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/09/health/mental-health-parity-rule/index.html

2024-09-09 14:46:58

I am now concerned about the unique flavors of Tillen Farms Products.
#amazon #artificialstupidity
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/108/101/938/520/909/original/a2432d84df3a8071.png

2024-09-09 13:06:30

You have seen this kittenmeef before.
#catsofmastodon
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/107/740/732/445/730/original/c01769197bb950d5.jpg

2024-09-09 12:03:02

Got the inevitable "i hope this email finds you well" email from Segway, a clear indicator support is not in the United States.
They are gonna "forward (my) questions to the relative (sic) department."
None of this is vital... Segway still works, I'd just like a spare set of digital keys, and the standing mat, which is rubber, was clawed up a bit by cats over the years and I'd like to not have it look like it.

2024-09-09 11:26:03

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That, and this when I've said to this guy several times, "I don't talk on the telephone."
In a few months I will re-send the email and ask again, "is this something you can work on?" I do sort of miss the chimes, they're really authoritative.
"Call me" will end our business relationship and I will explain why.

2024-09-09 11:23:07

In an unrelated thing, I have a wall clock. An actual wind-up, chimes wall clock built around 1989.
A local shop has done some excellent work on it for me, but in the last year the chime strikers are a little out of alignment, to where after hitting the tone bar the striker rests a little close to the bar, partly muting it.
I emailed Joon and described the problem, and "is this something you can work on?"
That's a yes/no question, so "call me" is an invalid input, please redo from start.

2024-09-09 01:13:00

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@npub1580…yj0z in 1992, one of my cats got his ass kicked by a praying mantis. On videotape.

2024-09-09 00:51:27

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@npub1jwz…d2ah "tune in next week for the further adventures of SUPERMAN!!!!"

2024-09-08 14:48:42

NBC isn't bothering to carry any Paralympics at all today, so if you want to see the closing ceremonies and you don't have cable, you're fuk't.
As it is, USA is carrying NASCAR all day, and CNBC for some reason couldn't be bothered to cover the marathons live and are playing them on tape till around 2pm EDT. The winners are in the books.
Then, the closing ceremonies, which means the US athletes who didn't do all that well this year will get 100% of their coverage.
#nbcsucks #paralympics

2024-09-08 14:13:20

This is usually the kind of fucked-up bureaucratic conundrum I associate with the US or the UK, not Canada.
#canada
https://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/disability-tax-credit-canadian-dental-care-plan-access-1.7295423

2024-09-08 13:27:03

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@npub1y0k…dhyh wisconsin? Maybe Kyle Rittenhouse will show up and do his Annie Oakley impression.

2024-09-08 13:10:59

Dear All Seafood Places;
"Clam strips" are not clams, any more than chicken chunks are "boneless wings."
Please take that fake rubbery Howard Johnson's shit off your menu.

2024-09-08 11:54:47

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@npub1y0k…dhyh and now I'm thinking I want whole-belly clams this week and there's only one place around the DC suburbs that has them, rather than those shitty "clam strips."

2024-09-08 11:48:02

To summarize;
Metal feed scoop, 6 quarts, proper handle
$25 and available at any farm store, feed store, many handware stores, and online.
No plastic.
No shovels.
Act now before Weather Channel's imaginary hurricanes actually show up.
You can also use it in non-emergencies for shoveling catfood or dogfood out of the bag. Or birdseed. Or, perhaps, actual chicken feed.
Off-label use for bailing water.
#hurricane #flooding #sandbags

2024-09-08 11:40:50

If you're too lazy to look at that URL, here's a good representative one. Ignore the smaller ones that look like they belong in a hotel icemaker, because they do. You want a metal 6-quart with this style handle. Ignore plastic ones, too, for they will break.
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/101/739/147/741/714/original/36b725da8f65f270.jpg

2024-09-08 05:12:41

Yesterday we generated exactly half of our usage, thanks to it being overcast most of the day. Last week we had a three-day streak of generating more than our entire 24-hour usage, and I look forward to that happening more.
#solar

2024-09-08 04:59:56

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@npub1k9m…tej5
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/100/167/191/724/657/original/75f626c4e68bda3f.jpg

2024-09-08 04:52:31

Segway's support is off to a non-flying start.
Answer my questions, and you get a serial number, not the other way around, "Amy."
Neither question I asked involves anything that requires a serial number.
And talk like an American.
Americans do not start with "may I know?" something.
Americans say "could you tell me?"
American tech support never replies at 9pm on a Saturday night.
You are not instilling confidence.

2024-09-08 04:46:17

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@npub15em…ca5z hammers are so affordable, so available! And they have so many uses other than cracking eye sockets!

2024-09-08 04:44:42

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@npub1y0k…dhyh multi-million-dollar homes are getting worse?
They do like ambiguous headlines.

2024-09-08 04:40:08

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@npub1y0k…dhyh there's a guy I know who's 96 and in better mental shape than Trump.
Trump has one of the most unreadable signatures in Presidential history and never seems to use a pen, it's more like a marker.

2024-09-08 01:14:51

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@npub1y0k…dhyh most agencies take SSA's word on stuff. Lemme guess, some pain in the ass county agency?

2024-09-08 01:13:14

Why does it have to?
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/07/sport/team-usa-paralympics-spt-intl/index.html

2024-09-08 01:08:32

Some guy has been shooting people along Interstate 75 in Kentucky 75 o3 80 miles south of Lexington, so don't go there. CNN is a little short on facts, but they did say almost 20 miles of 75 and US25 are closed in both directions.

2024-09-08 00:15:08

The USA under-20 womens world cup team is beating the crap out of Paraguay, 5-0 and it's not even halftime.
The commentator said they've outscored their opposing teams 110-7.
One hundred ten... to seven.
Damn.
Future looks ok.

2024-09-07 23:34:41

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@npub18jh…phdn physically where? East coast ones tend to be good if touristy in recent years.

2024-09-07 22:06:42

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@npub120t…5z9n (snork)

2024-09-07 21:00:58

You don't "modify" a constitutional amendment, dumfuk.
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/07/politics/trump-modify-25th-amendment-harris-biden/index.html

2024-09-07 18:13:00

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@npub1p0d…lrj6
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/097/623/339/709/190/original/c5518703f023f24a.jpg

2024-09-07 16:32:19

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@npub1y0k…dhyh somebody must have adjusted Newt's medication, too. It's been 25 years since he was relevant.

2024-09-07 15:58:46

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@npub1y0k…dhyh coming off with his bully act will seal his fate. Nobody needs or wants to see that.
I think he'll back out at the last second.

2024-09-07 15:54:53

The ebike (a new-last-year Aventon) was another situation. In the year since I had it out, the bike and the app have forgotten each other.
Per Rule 4 of The Turtle's Four Rules Of Debugging, absolutely nothing changed in the interim.
Bike was charged, but never powered on.
App was never used.
Phone OS is the same.
Something not under my control changed, and I want to find out what and why.
I"ve already told support "update the firmware" and "upgrade the app" will not be accepted.

2024-09-07 15:49:59

After inflating the tires, Segway was fine.
I hadn't used it in a couple of years, and only did short test runs in the garage, but it's fine. It's nineteen years old. A p133.
Used to have an i170, the oldest one in private hands in the US, but had to partially- disassemble it to try to address a broken fifty-cent plastic connector, and while it was being stored pending repair, some asshole stole the base of it.
I have no idea what they would do with half a Segway for which they have no keys.

2024-09-07 13:58:05

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@npub1jwz…d2ah what about
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/096/620/763/433/717/original/06b2e7ec78c68720.png

2024-09-07 13:56:32

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@npub1y0k…dhyh he must live way the hell out in the middle of nowhere for nobody to notice three hours' worth of gunfire.

2024-09-07 13:55:06

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@npub1y0k…dhyh if it was a situation comedy, there would be that slightly-extended pause while the main character looks around and the studio audience laughs.

2024-09-07 13:52:59

Horses are horsing.

2024-09-07 12:59:58

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@npub1d2x…8enn 'thank you for coming to my TED talk!"

2024-09-07 12:54:43

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@npub1y0k…dhyh none of my cats has ever shot up a school.
They don't have thumbs.

2024-09-07 12:12:37

Looks like NBC Sports isn't bothering to cover any events this morning live from Paris, so fuck'em, I'm switching over to CBC, which has six different live events right now this very minute.
#nbcsucks #cbc #paralympics

2024-09-07 11:37:26

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So of course Fox Weather is right now this very minute talking about hurricanes that do not exist.
By way, what's a "gooolf?". You mean a "gulf?" I"ve heard several Fox Weather people use this weird pronunciation.
This is the same network that had someone who pronounced Suffolk, Virginia as "SOO-folk."

2024-09-07 11:29:30

They're absolutely limp-dicked because there are no hurricanes.
https://lite.cnn.com/2024/09/06/weather/hurricane-season-atlantic-storms-climate/index.html

2024-09-06 13:59:17

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@npub1dgs…nfw8 so, your entire address book will get copied to a giant inflatable Bart Simpson with big ol' lips?

2024-09-06 13:52:54

By the way, THIS is the DOT number I was referring to. Trucks aren't required to display a name, or a phone number, or a URL, but commercial trucks are required to display this USDOT number, and DOT maintains a nice searchable database. So, if you have a problem with a commercial truck, look for the DOT number and go here:
https://safer.fmcsa.dot.gov
https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/media_attachments/files/113/090/936/726/141/516/original/4bda8670df39b4b8.jpg

2024-09-06 13:05:07

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What this all boils down to is zero local accountability for trashing the look of the neighborhood by whatever low-budget out-of-state tree company the power company made a contract with.
They of course have no local office, which is another puzzle... these guys didn't drive that truck from Texas. Where do they park them at night? Who's responsible for safety and liability?
Where do these guys live?
I like it when they're not here.