Chozari 賈 (she/her)

Living quietly in the bush. Student.
Freshly-diagnosed ADHD & autism.
Working it all out slowly.

If you like my drawings and want to help me finish uni, my PayPal is here: https://paypal.me/diversehawkesbury?country.x=AU&locale.x=en_AU

Fixin’ to finish my psychology path so that I can stop writing papers and go deliver some real aid.

Extremely married to @dev_iain so.. just don’t.

🏳️‍🌈🇨🇳🇦🇺 🇺🇸
🖤❤️💛

Public Key

npub1r3tatxx3kfft996e0ddqpeepl4ad7vfg73mpcgwk0gdlr94dflnq05v7fd

NIP-05 Address

chozari_at_aus.social@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqspc474nrgmy54jjavhkksquusl67klxy50gasuy8t85xl3j6k5lespz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43q5yk9pc

Publishing to

relay.mostr.pub

Author Public Key

npub1r3tatxx3kfft996e0ddqpeepl4ad7vfg73mpcgwk0gdlr94dflnq05v7fd

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Last Notes

2024-08-30 19:49:12

Does anyone know which #bird makes this specific repetitive sound ONLY at sunrise? I’ve heard it my whole life but I’ve always speculated about whether it’s the noisies because they’re in such numbers, or if it’s a different bird.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/113/052/693/761/494/711/original/242382351d6fcdd5.mp4

2024-08-20 05:43:21

I told a friend I’d turn up at 4pm but my hen is really sick and I think she’s eggbound and I’m very stressed

2024-08-17 23:50:03

The ridiculous drunk unclesque gambling-funded self-mythologising of the racing industry, shoring up future culturally-blessed exploitation of thoroughbreds bred solely for profit, all facilitated by media, carried on the overburdened back of a singular mare who died of laminitis in a rich industry that could have taken better preventative care of her feet, diet & foaling after she stopped making them as many millions as before. Same newsday as reports of gambling reforms.

2024-08-12 03:47:33

If you have a minute to add your name to the petition, could you help us get to or exceed our target number of signatures? This really, really matters to me.
https://www.hen.org.au/fund-the-koala-plan-of-management/

2024-06-23 20:59:03

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@npub1xr8…3q0g I fear for my daughters.

2024-06-13 07:56:42

I made a Northern Chinese friend I can visit only 20 minutes from my house. 🥰🥰🥰

2024-06-07 05:38:32

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@npub1xr8…3q0g My sweet spot is 50mg. Are you new to this drug? I’ve been on it since April last year. Lifechanging. My grades have gone straight back up to 90+% for everything. 🥰

2024-06-07 05:31:43

I am WRECKED. I drove 50 mins to the other side of the area to get my ADHD meds because the psychiatrist told me to get it on exactly the 7th. Pharmacist says the 8th. Wouldn’t give it to me. Coz I’m clearly a Vyvanse dealer.

2024-05-18 10:43:07

For a uni assignment I’ve watched hours of footage of Marlon Brando talking. I’ve read 2 books, I’ve consulted the literature, I’ve spent hours pondering this human to the point that I know him personally. I’d know how to counsel him, how his resistances worked & how he framed his experience of the world as an autodidact, as a likely ND person, as a lefty & as a man who spent his whole life bewildered by his own constant yearning for - and reflexive rejections of - women. It’s been a ride.

2024-05-09 00:03:00

Showed Dad a funnel web spider’s burrow. It’s actually kinda genius where it built its home, to the point that I haven’t the heart to hurt the spider. Its far enough away from my house that I’m not too bothered by it. It’s under the little A-shaped hollow of the trunk, out of the rain. A nice little hauspinne for a nice little spider.

2024-05-06 10:41:49

I’m totally eating camel milk chocolate right now.

2024-04-27 04:54:15

On this day 11 years ago I married a piece of shit.

2024-04-11 09:23:45

My little dog has died.
Please reply with pictures of your doggoes. I feel sad.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/112/251/855/746/464/887/original/de4d76bc08e637c8.jpeg

2024-04-09 11:57:30

Beardy was *trying* to help in the kitchen today. Poor thing’s just not able to wrestle enough of his brain into one place to cope with cooking. He melted my espresso maker. I have to supervise when he heats soup. He’s prone to wandering off.
Today he was so keen to help. and I felt happy his confidence had grown.
I walked in to get some hargow.
I found the stovetop on fire.
I was like, “Oh, shit…”
Dude was MORTIFIED.
The one time he tries to help with dinner & he sets the joint on fire.

2024-04-06 08:19:43

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@npub1mpw…4h3u Oh wait - are you saying that today’s group was NOT that privileged clientele you usually work with?

2024-04-06 08:18:45

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@npub1mpw…4h3u That’s a fuggin’ kind fee and I think you guys deserve more than that, for the clientele you’re working with, and what’s more, I think you can easily ask and get double.

2024-03-25 05:58:32

Cleaning someone’s house from top to bottom when they’re in shit mental and physical health is one of the most satisfying and useful things you can do. I had to be in intensive care on death’s door to have anyone do that for me but when I came home and my house was fixed, it made me feel so much better. So doing it for others is my deadset favourite thing. I’ve been deep-cleaning all day, knowing how happy the occupants will be to see it all done and the overwhelm just gone. Reset. ✅

2024-02-25 22:40:52

You know when a muscle in your lower abdomen twitches, and it feels like a baby kicking? If you don’t know, now you know.
I won’t be pregnant. I have a Mirena, and I’m closer to 44 than 43. Also, it’s a terrible idea. We would be fine. But it’s not in our plan for our 50s.
But I still get sad sometimes.
Not rational, but that’s okay.
Naming that feeling so it has some place to go… 💙

2024-02-12 00:41:06

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@npub1mpw…4h3u When she told me she had met someone in rehab I just about had kittens. But she knew what she saw. And he drove to my house to meet me as soon as he possibly could. And I spotted it the first time I met him too. He’s been around probably coming up to about 18 months now. He’s a blessing in my life that I never saw coming but can’t live without these days. The son I always wanted just suddenly came home right when I needed him and didn’t know it.

2024-02-11 23:36:37

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@npub1mpw…4h3u I couldn’t believe he insisted on learning how to pleat from day one. And get this… he was sick all weekend from withdrawal due to his psychiatrist changing his meds in preparation for another new tablet, and he’s still only 3wks outta detox. Hands shaking like crazy, and he had to do all this fine motor stuff with VERY shaky hands. But he stood there, concentrating hard, ADAMANT he was going to get it right. I was so moved I was choking back tears as I instructed him.

2024-02-11 10:43:42

Commando’s ability to learn a procedure is MINDBLOWINGGGGG. These are his second and third dumplings. Do you know how many adults I’ve taught, and how RARE it is for them to make “passable” ones, let alone ones that look like this???
Dude thinks he’s not smart. He doesn’t know how many different sorts of smart there are, and that he’s got plenty of the best sorts of smarts. Dyslexia, get fucked, dyslexia.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/911/915/384/741/439/original/190e538234328fc6.jpeg

2023-12-23 05:29:08

I just sent this to my daughter who is feeling the pressure of her partner’s (Italian!) fam this xmas. She just wants to stay home and blob her way through it which she knows I’m supportive of, but she’s still getting pressure from the in-laws & my sisters. She’s melting down. I thought I’d just post it here for anyone who also needs a message from an auDHD-affirming AuDHDer mum today in case you aren’t getting it from your mum. I’m not, so I’m the mum to her that I needed at 22.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/628/075/807/025/765/original/c3997ca22b93d04e.jpeg

2023-12-15 03:16:23

I didn’t know there were so many Belles and Sebastians. I thought there was just one Belle and one Sebastian. This is so confusing. Help. SOMEONE HELP.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/582/251/361/423/101/original/d78375cb23b1910a.jpeg

2023-12-04 20:46:44

Any #plantID #horticulture #gardening types know what species this beauty is? I don’t want to wait til the owner gets back home to ask her what it is. 🤣 Patience with human beings I am good with. Patience with virtually ANYTHING else? I’m rubbish at it.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/524/100/406/609/907/original/7f7fc8ac3d829060.jpeg

2023-12-02 00:07:12

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@npub1xr8…3q0g The episode when their friend (or a sister of one of the parents or something) came with them to the beach, and she was dealing with some sort of infant loss and grief process, and it was so gentle and compassionate and subtle and lovely. 💙 I’m lucky; I’ve never lost a child - as close as I came in the last few years to losing my eldest child to DV trauma and addiction - and it made me think about it and feel all of the feelings.

2023-11-07 22:29:26

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@npub1xr8…3q0g Every week, at some point, I go to make some sort of decision or get worried about something, and I think about how I nearly died getting attacked in my laundry, or in a quadruple murder-suicide car crash, or a million times he tried to break a door down to get at me and my daughters. And I just can’t believe I’m still alive. I spend my days doing the thousand-yard stare. And every time another woman dies, I have survivor’s guilt.

2023-10-24 08:04:29

Ahaha the new gluten free wraps from Aldi taste like rubber gloves and despair.

2023-10-18 00:13:42

I got full marks for a uni assignment.
I got full fucking marks.
They don’t give those out in psychology. I got full marks. FULL MARKS. Oh my god, oh my god.

2023-10-10 06:43:11

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@npub13hf…sn5w Shall do! I won’t do it til it’s well after dark so that she is less likely to suspect me as the culprit. 🤣

2023-10-10 06:27:52

I bought my broody hen three children to love. She may reject them tonight when I try to sneak them under her in the nesting box. How will I know?
Oh, she’ll try to eat the first one I attempt to slip underneath her wing.
So, I’m going to fuck around and find out, basically. But I’m hopeful she will accept them as her own.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/209/293/236/732/029/original/61f880dee688e7dd.jpeg

2023-10-01 02:14:12

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@npub1xr8…3q0g Thanks for sharing this. I welled up a bit. Chan’s story, and his post-traumatic growth, strongly echoes of my own. We’re even the same age, and had the same experiences in 1996. I too was spat-on, for being Chinese. His recounting reminded me of the expression on the girl’s face before she spat on me. The bewilderment I had felt. I’d had NOTHING against her at all. Yet, my mere existence in the same grade as her made her redfaced with rage. She spat on my face.

2023-09-18 00:37:08

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@npub1mpw…4h3u That recognition and acknowledgment of being in survival mode is such a mark of wisdom that you’ve worked very hard to have and it works in your favour. Without knowing any/much detail, I can only say how much I sympathise and hope that you can strategise a way forward with a clear (enough) head. Trauma’s a bitch in these situations. 💚

2023-09-17 23:53:56

There’s so much wrong, but I’ve been through so much worse. I can see why people who have had such comfortable and privileged lives are so resistant to acknowledging their privilege sometimes. Stress, and too-much-everything, despite my safety and relative food & housing security, makes me just want to go, “…but this is STILL SO HARD! Why does it have to be just endlessly HARD!?”

2023-09-15 22:53:17

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@npub1mpw…4h3u The Lib Mayor hates us because she can see we aren’t right-wing and can’t be bought, like she managed to do with the century-old paper that just died. So this comes at a moment when she’s trying to sue the bosses and it’s been a rough fortnight getting it to happen.

2023-09-15 22:45:34

Oh my gosh. Our first printed issue has come out this morning. I didn’t know it was today! Oh, I’m so excited. I’m off to buy one.

2023-09-15 09:42:05

I just had the closest brush with my first boyfriend who once held me so hard against a wall by my neck that my feet were lifted off the floor. Thanking my lucky stars we arrived at Orificeworks when we did, and not 30 seconds earlier. And thanking my lucky stars my 6ft2” military-trained husband got out of the car with me in plain sight. Dude took off and didn’t come back. SHAKEN.

2023-09-12 22:54:12

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@npub1mpw…4h3u You and I have so much in common. The child inside, once so cruelly denied validation, never stops searching in our adult bodies for just enough validation from somewhere. Anywhere. Then it finally comes like a drink of cool water to see us through for a while.

2023-09-12 13:53:59

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@npub1mpw…4h3u Dude I’m so pleased for you guys. It’s almost like you closed a door because you had the self-respect to draw a healthy boundary, and then the universe rewarded you for it. Fuggin’ LOVE this for you. 📷💚

2023-09-12 07:20:23

My poor postie had the day from hell. My husband’s having the day from hell. Everyone just all having the shittest day ever, partying on in hell. 🔥

2023-09-08 07:05:49

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@npub1mpw…4h3u If for whatever reason I ever find myself alone with years to spare I think I’ll just go and wander around in China, Tibet and India until I fall facefirst into my breakfast.

2023-09-08 03:16:22

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@npub1mpw…4h3u I was going to try to travel the same route he took but I’m pretty sure I’d die of altitude sickness. I don’t know how the hell he did it. Probably paid Tibetans to help him because he was NOT a mountains kinda guy. Born & bred at sea level. 🤣

2023-09-08 02:55:32

@npub1mpw…4h3u Hey Ewen. Have you been to Lhasa? I’ve just learned that my grandfather likely spent a whole lot of time there.

2023-09-05 05:14:09

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@npub1mpw…4h3u It’s common to us. The kids who were denied hope, safety, daydreams, cuddles and play. We don’t see ourselves living very long. It’s always in the back of my mind.

2023-09-03 07:35:28

I have a wedding ring now. I cried. I’m not a crier. I cried.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/111/000/045/122/363/178/original/e587536a7facc830.jpeg

2023-08-30 08:44:41

Some mates & I have started a new jazz open mic night in our old cosy local theatre. It’s only our second one tonight & it’s pouring rain. I really really hope the rain doesn’t scare ppl away because we still have pay the hire fee for the theatre whether or not anyone shows up. 😭😭😭😭 In case you’re from around here or the Blue Mountains it’s at the Regent Theatre in Richmond and it starts at 7:30pm. $10 concession/pensioner and $15 general. There’s totally a snack bar and big velvety curtains.

2023-08-24 07:37:13

My kid’s got a fresh obsession with learning to sew. After I suggested that longstitch is a good way to learn to use a needle and thread safely, she begged me to take her to get a long stitch set after school and she’s all set up with it on the couch with her glasses on and lamp on and pyjamas on, watching telly and stitching away like a little third grade nanna.

2023-08-23 05:54:25

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@npub1xr8…3q0g To make room for badly-needed fucks to give, of course! Heck knows I should’ve done the same before I left the house..

2023-08-18 01:32:28

I’ve got a stress headache from the gaslighting of 3 mean girls in my class yesterday. I’m still just gobsmacked that their response to my reminder about “hey let’s not ruin the good thing we’ve got here and ensure conversations don’t stray anywhere near breaking uni policy on collusion, but for FAR bigger reasons than just being penalised or expelled,” with a patronising sort of, “You do you. This is what we do in our class,” like that isn’t an extremely concerning response.

2023-08-17 02:56:08

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@npub1mpw…4h3u LOL hey don’t be mistaking northerners with southerners here mate

2023-08-17 02:01:47

I’m in the library and I just could never understand how large groups of old women can all talk at the same time and still have the slightest effing clue what the blazes is going on in the 6 conversations concurrently occurring.

2023-08-12 08:55:46

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@npub1trd…ussx I just cannot get excited about it. I’m trying. I just can’t.

2023-08-12 08:22:04

There’s obviously something wrong with me with with this sportsball stuff. I can’t make myself care a jot.

2023-08-06 01:44:01

Regarding the toot I wrote earlier about my saintly, gorgeous landlords… I was driving along earlier, thinking about the thing business or land-owning people say. The “I’m not running a charity here,” sort of comment. And I started imagining if at least 50% of landlords actually saw their tenants with disadvantages & disabilities as recipients of a service, rather than just a dehumanised source of passive income. Imagine the way our society might have otherwise functioned. Just imagine that.

2023-08-04 01:15:46

My little one is schooling with me at her sister’s house at the moment and her mind just baffles me all the time with her capacity to connect the ideas and concepts. Just amazing.

2023-08-01 22:21:33

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@npub1xr8…3q0g scammer. He’s a scammer. He was a clever one but not clever enough wjth technology.

2023-08-01 22:00:47

Geezus. I just had a guy commission 20 paintings. What the… this really happening?

2023-07-22 22:08:37

Youse really liked the poop toot.

2023-07-18 03:22:09

I’m a mum of a recovering DV survivor & addict who is relapsing. I saw in today’s sunrise sobbing uncontrollably, asking, “How can she be like this?” to my husband. This has been my life for a long time. She just lures me then hurts me.
I’m a mental health professional in training. I know exactly how she can be like this. But the things she says to me; they are low. They are truly evil. I try to remind myself that she’s sick. But it’s been years. This is the 8th year. I’m tired.

2023-07-15 05:26:34

I’m staying at my daughter’s place and someone seems quite happy to see me. She’s smelling all my stuff and slow-blinking at me and making today’s drawing quite impossible. She doesn’t just do that with anyone. I’m so touched that she remembers me and seems to have become attached to me during her stay at my place. That was a month or so ago. Nothing wrong with this cat’s memory…
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/110/716/413/615/614/144/original/c922c2519953a937.png
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/110/716/420/006/697/464/original/627325708d06a115.jpeg

2023-07-11 23:49:33

Once you turn 56 in dog years, you still feel committed to your duties as Head of Security, but come those chilly July mornings, it’s perhaps most appealing to stay watchful from as comfortable a position as possible.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/110/698/119/358/000/900/original/f5ee8fef41d3bfb1.jpeg

2023-07-08 00:41:38

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@npub1qqm…mzjy I know. I hear you. I just feel sure that there is more than just strategy to this; there’s “kill all the Russians” component to it that does not sit well with me, and early in the conflict, I saw video that escaped Russia - civilians condemning the war crimes of their army, of their evil leader… I don’t want those people to die.

2023-07-07 23:04:12

Oh great. So the Americans are supplying weapons of mass destruction to take out Russian civilians now like we didn’t learn a single thing over the last century.

2023-07-02 11:04:23

Bunny deer.
My American husband calls the kangaroos “bunny deer”.
I won’t lie, though.
It does make sense.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/110/644/151/260/572/158/original/0db9d2039ba63f5f.jpeg

2023-06-26 05:51:43

My entire day just became awesome because I saw this Kenny Loggins album cover for the first time.
https://mediacdn.aus.social/media_attachments/files/110/608/944/038/469/574/original/0661f54528ca5e03.jpeg

2023-06-05 03:35:12

If you’re a reproductive health nurse (or heck… any sort of helping worker or professional at all) please just slow down and listen to your patient & let them finish their sentences. I have the audy-aitch-dee, I so totally get it, but you are expected, with your level of training, to overcome the urge to talk over your patient, listen properly, absorb what they’re telling you. I guarantee if you don’t do this you’re missing stuff like the nurse I just saw totally missed stuff.

2023-05-15 12:00:53

why do men get so angry at video games
it’s a bunch of code
it doesn’t care about you
why are you doing something that is obviously not enjoyable
why