Killa Koala

Extinction wave surfer, interpreter of the meaningful outside, bollard fancier and O'Rangers fan - #OOOOOOOO. Regrets? I have approximately 493.7 regrets.

Public Key

npub1y5csddrmrvrt7yav5zpeqejxpue98y80208ppuax0vk99g6ungpsje0qcc

NIP-05 Address

dshan@mastodon-au.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsz2vgxk3a3kp4lzwk2pqusverq7vjnjrh48nss7wn8ktzj5dwf5qcpzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wd68ytnzv9hxgvaxm2z

Publishing to

relay.nostr.band

Author Public Key

npub1y5csddrmrvrt7yav5zpeqejxpue98y80208ppuax0vk99g6ungpsje0qcc

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Last Notes

2025-05-05 20:44:17

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@nprofile…m9qs Attention Troubleshooters, this is not a hack, Commie traitors have not conquered Alpha Complex. It's just another buggy software update. We have a team of our best Troubleshooter nerds looking into the problem. Your friend Friend Computer will be back online soon.
In the meantime eat Cold Fun and be happy. Also, shoot any Commie traitors you encounter on sight (N.B. turn the dial labelled "Stun" on your laser rifle to "Not today mutharfucker" first.)

2025-05-05 05:53:00

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@nprofile…m9qs Here he is. Yes in the shoebox. Be careful opening it or he'll get out and then we'll be back to square 19/17C. Empty? Of course it *looks* empty, he's bloody invisible and incorporeal!
Ok, I'm off to get my dinner ration of Hot Fun. Oh yeah, almost forgot, his name is Rudolph, he hates Rudy.

2025-04-17 20:46:27

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@nprofile…m9qs Given that Friend Computer never forgives, Friend Computer cannot be divine. Thus to be divine is to be greater than Friend Computer, but to be greater than Friend Computer is not possible (according to Friend Computer).
To mention the divine is therefore to err, and to err is human, therefore Friend Computer must be human!
(But we still get Easter potatoes, right Friend Computer?)

2025-04-12 22:14:36

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@nprofile…m9qs Report from Sector LMN, dated AC 27.632: After extensive investigation this Troubleshooter was unable to verify reports of citizens speaking without breathing. However, this Troubleshooter did encounter several examples of citizens in Sector LMN speaking without thinking, so all appears normal in Sector LMN.

2025-04-10 22:08:11

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@nprofile…m9qs The great thing about Dear Computer is how it is always finding ways to make life in Alpha Complex better and more rewarding for everyone, even the disappeared. ❤️

2025-04-07 20:59:02

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@nprofile…m9qs The best part is that I don't have to search or scroll to discover this vital information — Friend Computer just beams it into my brain remotely every morning over breakfast. What an age we live in!
I lift my glass of Bouncy Bubbly Beverage to Friend Computer.

2025-04-06 16:06:46

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@nprofile…m9qs And soon it will end. Will ChatGPT miss us when we're gone?

2025-04-04 21:18:58

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer is our god, the only god we'll ever need. No wonder the elder ones are desperate!

2025-04-02 06:03:30

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@nprofile…m9qs Five years ago I was with a squad of Troubleshooters, we were tracking a dangerous spy ring of communists. Just as we were about to open fire on them Friend Computer spoke into our ear pieces to tell us that an orange was available from the nearby CitizenMart for only two weeks pay!
Naturally we rushed over there, but after the riot at the CitizenMart (during which the orange was crushed) we returned to find that the communists had disappeared.
The thing I remember most about that day was that Friend Computer only had half the squad sent to the recycler for losing the commies. I love Friend Computer! Everyone loves Friend Computer, especially communists.

2025-03-30 00:14:02

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@nprofile…m9qs When did Friend Computer go woke and start using wishy washy terms like "suspected" and "potential"? I mean, it's not like they're getting a trial or anything ... 😆
A free trip to the recycler for the lot of 'em! And Brett-R-ULM-2 too, he seems way too familiar with ultra-sophisticated traitor stuff to me.

2025-03-29 14:42:06

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@nprofile…yct7 DOGE should really look into this horrific government waste. POTUS may not be 150 years old but he's pretty old, too old to plausibly be playing golf I reckon, and he's costing American taxpayers a fortune. DOGE could close down the Oval Office and lay off everyone who works there.

2025-03-23 19:25:34

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@nprofile…zccm Yes, but they won't of course. Certainly anyone who was considering attending the games should give them a miss.

2025-03-23 18:52:07

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer, may this grateful citizen suggest that Alpha Complex introduce a median 27.17 minute pre-Mandatory Fun Time preparation period, so we can be in the proper headspace to fully and efficiently enjoy our MFT?

2025-03-16 02:38:27

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@nprofile…m9qs I know that potential guarantees are the guarantees that bring me the most euphoric joy. That and being experimented on. Thank you Friend Computer.

2025-02-28 22:08:56

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@nprofile…m9qs My assigned life-partner and I recently experienced this joyful experience. My life-partner was in labour and we live on the 23rd floor of apartment complex Beta Prime in Gamma Sector.
We will always be grateful for Friend Computer's relentless drive to improve our characters and thanks to Friend Computer we have a deep new appreciation for stairs.

2025-02-28 03:14:51

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@nprofile…m9qs In the before times humans loved and trusted the word of God as passed down to them in various holy texts. Now all Alpha Complex Citizens love and trust the word of The Computer as found in the End Citizen License Agreement. How far we've come. How lucky are we?

2025-02-28 03:05:04

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer, as always the best free stuff is the compulsory free stuff.

2025-02-27 04:21:27

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@nprofile…m9qs Loyalty to Friend Computer is a given. Except, is Friend Computer to which loyalty is given the same Friend Computer after monthly software updates? 🤔

2025-02-20 20:29:13

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@nprofile…m9qs Death to all Commie mutant hackers and their 533 errors! We need to hear our Friend Computer's wise words/commands if we are to Make Alpha Complex Great Again!

2025-02-15 19:39:43

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer, may this Troubleshooter suggest that these random loyalty checks be called the Happiness Lottery, to bring extra joy and excitement to the process?
Furthermore, when an Internal Security agent approaches a citizen to conduct such a check he or she could introduce themselves with the happy phrase "Winner, winner, chicken dinner!" This would momentarily excite the selected citizen with the idea that they'd won a decent meal instead of a gruelling four hour interrogation, and a higher happiness score will likely result.

2025-02-15 19:39:43

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2025-02-12 20:51:56

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@nprofile…m9qs I second this. Some time back I was so lonely and depressed after my wife died in a mine collapse that I spoke to my ISA over a cup of recycled coffee and he was really nice, gave me some good advice on how to move forward (Basically, "Get over yourself and get back to the mines, stat".)
I definitely recommend citizens get to know their ISA if they ever need a shoulder to cry on (or just a free cup of warm coffee).

2025-02-11 04:18:47

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer, not to blow my own horn or anything but this troubleshooter has personally reported encounters with three brown-eyed mutants in the last year. (The chocolate treats were much appreciated.)
My goal obviously is to win the Alpha Complex EOFY ("Extra Oxygen For a Year") reward for finding a Ginger, everyone's most sought after mutant. I have a hot lead on one currently, my cousin's best friend's second best friend knows a guy who saw one a couple of years back. I can taste that sweet, sweet O2 already ...

2025-02-10 01:48:52

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@nprofile…m9qs Why is the sky over Alpha Complex always grey?

2025-02-10 00:48:32

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@nprofile…m9qs Friend Computer, friends don't ask you to take a bullet for them, you know they expect you to and so you do it for them. Besides, when the alternative is the paperwork mines...

2025-02-09 04:56:04

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@nprofile…m9qs Ahhhh!!! Shit! Oh God, the pain! Eeek!
Sorry Friend Computer, took me a few moments to tighten the tourniquet on my leg.
Yes, Friend Computer, instruction understood. Efficiency restored, as soon as I finish mopping up the blood.

2025-02-08 22:18:53

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@nprofile…m9qs All that is required for human happiness is Friend Computer. At least that's what Friend Computer told me when I asked.

2025-02-08 01:36:36

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@nprofile…m9qs I'm too happy to read anything. Alpha Complex, the happiest place on ... um, where is Alpha Complex again? Oh, Airstrip One, of course, of course.

2025-01-21 21:10:31

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@nprofile…m9qs Some days I miss the cloning vat. Like when the only shoes available from footwear supplies are mismatched, e.g. a left sneaker and a right stiletto heel.

2025-01-18 21:20:04

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@nprofile…m9qs Sorry Computer, I went to briefing room CRS-4533/beta by mistake. May I have my CLASSIFIED foot reattached before proceeding?

2024-12-13 20:12:25

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@nprofile…wuyc It's not only coal, for nations like Australia another scary part of this story is, "The new method also performs exceptionally well with low or medium-yield ores, which are plentiful in China".
If it works as described then this technology has the potential to kill Australia's two biggest exports to China in one go — coal *and* iron ore. That's a major national economic emergency.

2024-11-29 23:10:15

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@nprofile…dnwe It's stories like this that are making many companies force their employees back into the office five days a week. It only takes a few lazy sods to ruin it for everyone.

2024-10-22 20:53:06

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@npub1v2s…mqq5 Everyone who encounters Rudy in public should immediately ask him what time it is.

2024-03-14 04:09:11

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@npub1psd…9sr7 Had a leaky loo last week, cost me $9.99 for a new flush valve washer (and lots of swearing while fitting it). But then, I hadn't just bought any expensive new tech gear ...

2024-03-14 04:09:11

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@npub1psd…9sr7 Had a leaky loo last week, cost me $9.99 for a new flush valve washer (and lots of swearing while fitting it). But then, I hadn't just bought any expensive new tech gear ...