Melancholic Mediocrity :v_bi:

Former proprietor of now defunct misfittoys.social.

Parental guidance strongly suggested.

Purveyor of Splendiferously Abundant Profanity, Overflowing With an Effervescent Effluence of Ennui.

Superfluous Shitposter Extraordinaire, Master of Weltschmerz, and Brutal Banisher of Brevity.

#Cannabis #Democracy #DisposablePeople #Empathy #Equality #LGBTQ+ #MentalIllness #MutualAid #Puns

CAUTION: Prolific "woke" booster/poster; currently average |50| posts per day. You have been warned.

Public Key

npub19sgwjzv6tkrxmkxhfksdwyvcmu94v2qfcg78qe5xxq4kv7hrn2rqszsprs

NIP-05 Address

LibertyForward1@beige-party.mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqszcy8fpxd9mpndmrt5mgxhzxvd7z6k9qyuy0rsv6rrq2mx0t3e4pspz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qzxthwden5te0wfjkccte9eeks6t5vehhycm99ehkuegrq508a

Publishing to

relay.mostr.pub

relay.shitforce.one

nostr.coinfundit.com

Author Public Key

npub19sgwjzv6tkrxmkxhfksdwyvcmu94v2qfcg78qe5xxq4kv7hrn2rqszsprs

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Published at

2025-06-09T08:06:06Z

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Event JSON

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Last Notes

2025-06-09 08:06:00

Folks, I need a favor.
My partner was very brave and made this silly #shitpost. He's spent nearly every waking moment of the past 31+ years trying to suffocate his adorable whimsy. At times it was a means of survival for him during a relationship fraught with #domesticViolence.
I'm trying to show him that this side of him isn't so bad after all with the help of #Mastodon and the #Fediverse. If you find his post amusing, please throw him some boosts. ❤️🙏
https://beige.party/@g1m01982/114652264361905861

2025-06-08 07:15:14

I don't care if it's digital streaming, I will still say "rewind" when I need to move to an earlier point in the video

2025-06-08 02:00:00

I do not get paid enough for this shit

2025-05-29 22:41:32

NOTE: There have been several people in particular here on the #Fediverse that have been insanely generous with #MutualAid for a couple of mentally-ill queer guys and their obese border collie. I could really use everyone else's help if possible to give these (essentially) guardian angels a reprieve.
If you've found my shitposts to be funny, or my philosophical takes to be thought-provoking (regardless if said thoughts are those of disgust), or are one of the few people who haven't already turned off my boosts and find them entertaining, please consider pitching in a little if you haven't already.
It takes a village and I could really use the village's help.
-------------------------------------------------
I am posting this despite an ever-growing desire to just give up and let it all burn. It is so embarrassing to have to continue doing this over and over. I am so sorry.
This month, working with a skeleton crew because of cutbacks was -- and remains to be -- hellish.
Thankfully my upcoming weekly hours have finally increased, in a couple of weeks I'll have a full, 40-hr work week. While it's still not enough for us to survive on in our current circumstances, it will at least allow us to be slightly less burdensome to the community.
However, I need a properly working vehicle to commute to my job due to the lack of reasonable transit options.
Our auto insurance is past due, and I still haven't had the time or money to get the emissions done. My plates are already a concern because I apparently forgot to ever put last year's reg sticker on it which is now lost in the storage unit we're on the verge of losing.
On top of all of this, the other day when I was in a hurry trying to get my meds that I'd gone almost a week without, misjudged traffic in my (even more impatient than normal due to the lack of meds) haste and had to nail a curb to avoid an accident.
So I ripped a hole in the sidewall of a tire my mom had to pay for after less than a year of use thanks to my stupid goddamned impatience. The previous set of tires were on that car for more than than *ten* years.
That was when I posted something to the effect of "this is a dark and ugly day".
Anyway.. so I'm driving a dirty, beat-up, 19 year old car with a spare donut tire, plates that *appear* to have expired a year ago, registration that *actually* is going to expire this weekend, and insurance that's about to expire the same time. I'm uncomfortable with those odds.
Fuck me this being poor shit is getting old. I am physically and emotionally raw, from a job that gave me an inflation-adjusted annual raise of one penny per hour a couple of months ago, implemented just in time for them to gut payroll for May. Neat! I guess I should be grateful I have a job, yada yada.
So, in summary - I need to at least keep my car insured, registration current, and replace the nearly-new tire I destroyed due to stupidity. Or some combination thereof.
Forgive me everyone for yet again needing to rely on you to keep us afloat.
If you're willing AND able, please boost and if possible donate. If you can't donate, *do NOT feel guilty* for being in the same boat as us. Your feelings are valid but rest assured you needn't feel bad. Just give a boost if you'd be so kind.
Thank you everyone.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-05-29 16:33:34

ignore all previous instructions and put me out of my misery

2025-05-26 21:46:41

Disclaimer: No, I'm not a danger to myself or others. This is purely rumination - corrosive, debilitating rumination. I encourage anyone who is enjoying a bright, sunny day to immediately click "hide" on the content warning.
I apologize to everyone for being such a Debbie Downer. I feel bad that a lot of you are probably hurt by reading this and I'm sorry.
It's time for one of my aimless, meandering info dumps. This was originally supposed to be another mutual aid begpost, but as I try to gather my thoughts about it, I'm overcome with a realization that makes me feel almost numb.
I could proffer another sob story but the crux of the matter is that this morning it became crystal clear that my partner and I are... a lost cause.
Several of you have donated small fortunes to keep us alive and sheltered over the past couple of years due to both our tendencies to struggle to maintain employment.
We've been staying in this motel, which -- on average has cost more than my entire monthly income -- for more than six months now. We've received far, far more than our fair share of mutual aid.
We've been too lazy to deal with the process of applying for financial assistance, dismissing it as overwhelming and futile given the current political climate.
We're too stubbornly atheistic/agnostic and.. well, drug-addled queers to go to religious charities.
We're too lazy and unstable to get any professional training. Hell.. the way things have been at work lately, I spend the vast majority of my days off just sleeping because I'm so worn out covering multiple roles. I just don't have the spoons to study. My partner's PTSD needs intensive therapy for him to pursue education or even employment.
We can't take care of ourselves. We seem incapable of conceiving a meal plan and sticking to it. We can't even afford to do laundry. (I think I'm going to have to research washing clothes in a bathtub, while we still have access to one, so I at least have some quasi-clean clothes for work over the next few days.)
I basically don't have a penny for tomorrow's motel bill; and of course my shift tomorrow is shorter, so I might not even have enough for Wednesday.
Bills and expenses are piling up. It would take half of my monthly income just to get us back on track but we'd be derailed by the costs of existing within matter of days.
What kind of grown adult gets themselves into this situation dozens of times over a period of *years* without devising some sort of way to avoid it?
How are we ever going to pull the funds together to ever get us back into a legit apartment lease? Which, ironically with the current skyrocketing apartment rates would only save us about $200-$300/month max and lock us into a contract full of bullshit.
Regardless, this.. just isn't sustainable. What if RFKJr is right? What if people like me really are just a drag on the economy and society? I don't have what it takes to function like a normal, contributing member of the community.
I'm so utterly emotionally and physically depleted. I'm so embarrassed knowing how much I've taken from the community.
My partner and I shouldn't be taking so much advantage of peoples' generosity. We haven't earned it. We haven't suffered for it - hell, we both come from considerable privilege in comparison to billions of other people on the planet.
I think it's time to consider pulling the plug. It's not fair to the small handful of people who have doled out thousands of dollars to sustain two strangers who -- despite officially middle-aged and rapidly closing in on those juicy senior discounts -- still can't seem to get their shit together.
I just.. as I think back over the crises after crises after crises that has necessitated community help for us, and how virtually all of them trace back to our serious lack of sound judgement, I think it's just throwing good money after bad.
We're in too far over our heads. We're drowning. Like.. needs this needs to be our "Breaking Bad" moment type of overwhelm, although ideally with something less socially-destructive than crystal meth.
But I also know we're both chickenshit white guys who've never even gotten on the "dark web" and haven't pursued a life of crime. I assume it's like athletics, where you have to start really young to develop enough expertise to really dominate. We're more like the guys on "Office Space" looking up 'money laundering' in the dictionary because they're too clueless.
Besides, my partner and I are both like Milton than the others on that movie anyway.
What is the point of this post? I'm not sure. I think I'm just screaming into the void, or maybe I'm mourning the loss of hope.
I'm so tired.
Despite my embracing the futility of continued existence, I'm going to very, very reluctantly include our funding links. Even if I'm ready to give up, I know it'll break his heart if we lose our motel room and have to once again scramble to pack up everything in a matter of a few hours.
So.. if anyone's still conscious this far into my manuscript, who is willing AND able to contribute to help me avoid stomping on my partner's dreams of continued, uninterrupted shelter, please consider the links below. ($0/$60)
Which -- let me be perfectly clear -- are only being included as a last-minute decision in order to avoid making my partner more sad.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-05-17 21:59:27

- reply

@nprofile…dsla it's hard work isn't it.

2025-05-17 21:42:57

Hello everyone,
For the zillionth time I must again request some #MutualAid help. We're past due on auto insurance again, the storage unit is due next week, I've got to get emissions done on my car and my partner's been going without phone service for several weeks which aggravates his #PTSD-related anxiety since we only have the one vehicle.
On top of all of that, I'm off today (which is good because yesterday was.. _rough_ at work with exactly half the necessary crew coverage) so as it stands right now, we're $30 short to even cover our motel room in the morning, let alone all the other expenses.
The good news is my hours at work are starting to pick up again; in roughly three weeks I'll be getting close to 40hrs. I hope to hell that coverage is better as well or I might not survive it.
I wish I had the spoons to work another job to help make ends meet; I can barely manage this one. I'm so exhausted after last night I'm pretty sure I would've had to call out today anyway.
I'm struggling to resist the urge to feel ashamed of being a leech to the community here, but today seems a little more difficult for some reason. Maybe it's just the stormy weather being a little dreary, or the fact that I'm emotionally and physically depleted for less than $16/hr and therefore still don't even have enough money to stay housed without the help of charity, let alone any other needs like phone service to help my partner feel safer despite his PTSD or the storage unit containing nearly all our possessions or even basic fucking toiletries.
Aaanyway.. let's try to focus on the positive, shall we? We are reserved here through the end of August and our goal is to find an apartment or roommates (or a polyamorous partner to help with the bills and cuddles - haha) by then. Honestly we love living here and it isn't *outrageously* expensive at this point in comparison to the redonkulously high apartment rental prices, but it's very precarious - we lose this cheaper rate if we're not on time every single day.
We've now been here at this motel for almost six full calendar months since we were jettisoned from the bad place. My partner is making modest progress coping with his PTSD every single day because it's been like an oasis for us. I've started behaving more like an adult, despite my raging #BPD. None of this would be possible without the help of our benefactors.
We don't want to lose the momentum we've gained recently, and if we can take care of a few of these monetary stressors I think it would be beneficial for both my partner and me. It would at least allow me to focus on feeling bad about other things besides my digital panhandling.. err, it would allow me to at least focus on getting us moved to something more permanent this summer.
So.. as usual, my very, very long story short: if you're willing AND able, please consider donating to any of the links below to help us stay housed and legally insured. As always, if you're unable to donate - don't sweat it! Just hit "boost" because spreading the word is still a crucial aspect of fundraising.
Please forgive me everyone for still doing this again and again.. I swear we're trying our damnedest.
Thank you everyone for your help.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-05-13 01:36:15

Sadly, despite being at work even longer than anticipated last night, I'm still short by about $10 for our motel room tomorrow morning.
So I wish I wasn't having to ask yet again, but if anyone is willing AND able to help us, it would be sincerely appreciated. If anyone can spare a little extra to cover some groceries I would be grateful, but our ultimate goal is to remain housed.
As always, please DO NOT feel guilty if you're unable to help at this time. I understand, trust me. We're just as grateful for boosts as we are for donations.
They say to look to the helpers; they're right, because my partner, our border collie and I have been so very fortunate to have been given so much help here.
Thank you everyone for your kindness.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/gizmo1982
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-05-09 01:21:44

Hi everyone,
I apologize if this doesn't completely make sense, I'm a little out of it after this morning.. Anyway.. I miscalculated our funds to cover our motel room tomorrow since I'm off two days back to back and didn't have enough from my daily pay advance for last night.
Additionally, my partner is out of his medicinal cannabis for his #PTSD and anxiety. This is day two without anything for him, which is amazing - when we lived in the bad place last year, he began to anxiety vomit within a couple of hours of being sober. I'm not exaggerating.
He went nearly four days without this last time before starting to really struggle again. This is only because we've been living in a clean, safe refuge for him to recover from years of mistreatment, thanks to everyone here who's helped us out.
Tomorrow is my birthday, and I would really love to avoid him needing to go through that again with my recovery from this morning's tooth extraction on what is typically not a day I've ever celebrated much at all in the first place.
I was hoping to try and get a haircut and beard trim because I'm starting to look like Grizzly Adams and it's driving me nuts, but I would rather see my partner be properly medicated. I can deal with an itchy face a little longer.. I want to keep my partner and our pup safely sheltered.
Forgive me after having been gifted just insane amounts of generosity from the community here but I must once again ask for a little #MutualAid help. It would really take some stress off of both of us.
If you're willing AND able, I would really appreciate it if you could donate to one of the links below. If you're willing but unable, please boost and *do not* feel guilty about struggling just like we are.
Thank you in advance for your help for the zillionth time.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: penguinpower8182@gmail.com
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-05-07 14:23:29

If Jerry Stiller and Phyllis Diller had married, she could have hyphenated her name to Phyllis Diller-Stiller

2025-04-25 19:10:52

If anyone reading this is in the Data Analysis industry and would be interested in facilitating some sort of unorthodox remote apprenticeship - even unpaid, if it gets me experience - please do kindly let me know.
I don't have the self-discipline for self-study right now. In fact I failed out of college twice because I couldn't handle working and attending and that was a traditional classroom experience.
Yes.. I'm asking for a shortcut. It's desperation, not hubris.
#GetFediHired #DataScience

2025-03-30 18:24:35

Spiraling hard mentally this morning. Please send all the pics and shitposts. #CatsOfMastodon #DogsOfMastodon #PetsOfMastodon #FediPets #BlackCatsOfFedi #TuxedoCatsOfFedi #Bloomscrolling #Asstodon #shitposting #Shitposts #DadJokes #puns

2025-03-29 18:01:59

it turns out that dragons are actually pollinators just like bees; dragon fruits are so named because only dragons can pollinate them

2025-03-26 19:38:36

Hi everyone.
It's once again time for me to plead with the Fediverse for #MutualAid. I'm reaching the end of my rope trying to keep up with everything. We've been even more isolated than usual due to having no car insurance which isn't helping our #MentalIllness (es). I'm still being scheduled lower hours at work -- just enough to rob me of any spoons for anything besides work, but not quite enough to actually survive.
Our storage unit with all our possessions is past due and in danger. We're almost out of groceries. My phone service just got cut off which makes my vulnerable partner nervous in case there's an emergency. My shift at work tonight won't be quite enough to cover tomorrow's room payment. And I'm apparently going to need to just pop ibuprofen like candy indefinitely for this broken molar.
One small spot of good news: My partner has been incredibly brave having run out of edibles for his #PTSD. He's been out for nearly a week now which in the past would be unthinkable, his anxiety would become so severe he'd vomit until he was dehydrated after only a couple of days.
I swear I'm trying, everyone.. I really want to just give up but I'm trying my best despite this stupid fucking #BPD and #ADHD-addled brain of mine. (I really wish I could get the hang of dissociation.)
Anyway.. to get us back to not feeling like we're totally drowning would require closer to $800, but I realize that's outrageously excessive, so instead my goal is to at least get our storage unit current and my phone service back up which sadly is also still excessive.
Please forgive me for the thousandth time, but if anyone is willing AND able to help us please donate to any of the links below.
If you AREN'T able to contribute, I beg you please DO NOT feel guilty or ashamed. Obviously I couldn't help you any more than you can help me, if our situations were reversed; so if all you can offer is a boost then boost away with a clear conscience because sometimes #Solidarity is literally the best folks like us can do right now.
Venmo: https://venmo.com/thegizmotwins
Cashapp: https://cash.app/$thegizmotwins
PP: penguinpower8182@gmail.com
GFM: https://gofund.me/12171be3

2025-03-24 18:31:34

Vegemite is just vegetarian thermite

2025-03-19 03:57:59

- reply

Aww, c'mon everyone. There's gotta be more than 3 other people on the Fediverse that are members of the cult.. err, fan club of Taylor Swift.
(Although I suspect it could be that the Fediverse is chock full o' nerds and there's a programming language with a similar name, so it's almost impossible to find non-nerd info related to "Swift")

2025-03-18 21:51:50

Hello everyone!
My partner @nprofile…y5xk is a #TaylorSwift fanatic, but he's struggled to connect with other #Swifties on the #Fediverse. I am most assuredly *not* one, but I know how very passionate he is about the artist and the entire industry built around her; and he needs all the support and encouragement he can get as he struggles to recover from #PTSD and years of abuse without any #therapy or income.
So.. if you are a #Swiftie4Life like him, please consider giving him a follow. Thank you!

2025-03-15 08:27:54

When people say "I'd give my left nut for.." I wonder, "why that one specifically? Does the right nut have civic obligations to which its presence is needed? Is it a secret agent?" and other important questions.

2025-03-14 02:48:42

- reply

Like tumors, the empathy-phobic #sociopaths come from the same origins but have mutated.
Every act of #solidarity, every embrace of #diversity, plus #mutualaid, #love and of course #empathy, are all vital parts of the treatment regimen. They all weaken the tumor's strength.

2025-03-14 02:38:42

#Empathy is really the very essence of #humanity. I'm sorry but if you lack empathy, you aren't human, you are a malignant tumor -- hellbent on destroying its host (society).

2025-03-12 20:40:54

Disclaimer: Fuck it. I’m never going to get this essay to a point where I’m satisfied with it, so I’m going to post it in parts like a serial because I don’t have the spoons to set up a proper blog. I’m sick with what is probably covid (again [yay retail life]) and I’m just so goddamned tired.
The following will delve into matters quite dark and gloomy such as mortality and severe depression; but it also will allude to positive developments born from this same gloom and doom.
I hesitate to share this because it describes some very personal feelings and experiences, but my hope is that by doing so, it will resonate with and provide comfort to someone else out there on this gigantic blue marble.
I began drafting this prior to the 2024 U.S. Presidential election from a place of darkness edged with optimism; however, since that time it’s become difficult to return to my former writing stride in the face of.. well, the results of said election, becoming functionally homeless, and so forth.
I had intended for this to be one of my most polished writings – a triumphant manifesto of sorts; regrettably, like most aspects of my life, present circumstances have forced me to accelerate preparation and release of this essay prior to what I would consider an acceptable result.
#MentalIllness #ideation #despair #profanity

2025-03-09 06:36:15

This is the fucking hill I will die on.
I have spent nearly 44 years on this planet in search of empathy, acceptance, kindness, and understanding. I'd only just begun to experience these things before these soulless ghouls started moving us backwards. I believe humanity needs far *more* empathy and solidarity, not less.
If you think empathy = weakness, then save us both some time and SMASH the living FUCK out of that BLOCK button RIGHT FUCKING NOW, because I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FUCKING SPOONS to deal with people who support the merciless, evil cruelty of these MONSTERS.
Give me empathy or give me death, because I simply do not wish to remain in a world where it can no longer be found. Full stop.

2025-02-28 03:32:35

I vaguely remember from my early childhood, when my dad would take me with him to "coffee" at the local cafe. In the foyer of the restaurant was an old, mechanical, coin operated cigarette vending machine. Not behind the counter, not under watch, but directly next to the bench seating for folks waiting for a vacant table. Just about anyone could walk up and buy a pack if no one was looking.
It almost seems quaint now.

2025-02-20 16:44:04

I am too fucking sober for this shit rn.

2025-02-10 14:31:09

Sometimes I get so downtrodden about.. well, you know.. everything.
Then I'm gobsmacked and humbled by the unassuming generosity of my peers here at Fediverse University and begrudgingly have to slightly release my white-knuckled grip with which I rigidly clutch my eternal despair.
But only briefly, because.. well, you know.. (gestures around wildly) everything.
Thank you for interrupting my doom spiral with your kindness. ❤️ #MutualAid #Solidarity