Xavier

mantis shrimp can be a state of mind - @tree_h0uze
#Sober Ex-Twitter user falling in love with the Fediverse. Mostly here to exchange jokes for validation, but interested in Linux, water systems (pumping + treatment,) art, LitRPG, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Buddhism. Avatar: A bald white man with a salt and pepper beard. His arm is resting on his forehead. Header: An illustration of a fictional cat named Princess Donut. She is wearing a tiara. https://justmytoots.com/xinicit@floe.earth

Public Key

npub196lpzzhwkd7qjrzevrq8d4954u7ap2as3nec5vs2ggvrrm3pwupqt50ygr

NIP-05 Address

xinicit_at_mastodon.floe.earth@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsza0s3pthtxlqfp3vkpsrk6j6270ws4wcgeuu2xg9yyxp3acshwqspz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qz9thwden5te0v35hgar09ec82c30wfjkcctef7qac5

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relay.mostr.pub

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Author Public Key

npub196lpzzhwkd7qjrzevrq8d4954u7ap2as3nec5vs2ggvrrm3pwupqt50ygr

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Last Notes

2024-08-20 14:54:31

I was wearing a bandana yesterday (to protect my bald head from the big mean sun) and someone asked me if I was in a gang. It was quite flattering that someone thought I could be that social or that I had the wherewithal to commit ORGANIZED crime.

2024-08-16 12:42:10

Step one of the hero’s journey is getting out of bed. This is the most painful one, and some say that the level of frustration created by this turns slaying dragons into an act of catharsis.

2024-08-05 13:33:51

I want my life to be more like Stardew Valley (cozy, sweet.) Instead it’s more like Stardew Valley (laboring in the sun, weirding out potential romantic partners by accidentally giving them coal.)

2024-07-31 17:02:14

RFK JR looks like if they made an entire person out of a dick vein.

2024-07-29 14:19:37

I bet I’d make a good sailor’s wife. I love staring forlornly at shit.

2024-07-07 10:30:22

Me: *spends 15 minutes massaging my dog in warm water and scented soap, then takes another ten minutes meticulously drying him and telling him what a good boy he is*
My dog: That was the worst experience of my life!

2024-06-27 17:45:52

Sneezing and farting at the same time like a sausage having a blowout in the microwave.

2024-06-23 16:02:55

People who boost your corrected post after already boosting the messed up first draft you deleted are practicing right action and will be reborn in a heaven realm.

2024-06-21 22:41:03

Sometimes I think someone’s profile picture is a capybara, and when I click on it, it is not a capybara. It feels bad when that happens.

2024-06-14 17:57:01

Having a dog is like volunteering to be responsible for a drunk.

2024-06-14 01:53:46

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? Have you ever hopscotched with an angel at sunset? What about punched a unicorn during an eclipse?

2024-06-14 00:32:51

Now that you’re old enough, I think it’s time you know that the saying is just, “It gets worse.” We added the “before it gets better” because you wouldn’t shut up and were giving us headaches.

2024-06-12 22:41:50

Me: My fetish is being treated like I am wanted and attractive.
The Internet: Gross. Have you considered being called a piece of shit by a woman in vinyl?

2024-06-12 14:12:23

Kids today will never know the horrors of boredom we experienced pre-internet. We used to type 80085 into a calculator just to feel something.

2024-06-10 05:02:03

I should be able to take the energy from being horny and trade it in for the energy to clean the kitchen.

2024-06-06 17:46:01

Me: *renounces sensual pleasure*
Also me: *has a whole body orgasm from drinking cold lemonade on a hot day*

2024-06-02 13:13:58

Perfectionists in movies: Oh wow! He works hard, pays attention to detail, makes a lot of money and has lots of sex in his tasteful condominium.
Perfectionists in real life: Immobilized by fear of failure to the point that they are afraid they will lose their jobs. The bed is for crying.

2024-05-27 16:56:22

I feel like the people who tell you to touch grass probably need to touch some booty.

2024-05-25 00:38:06

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@npub1xkn…elux Masking is exhausting.

2024-05-19 17:45:46

Imagine if we had to hunt for food like our ancestors. I don’t know if I could hit a breakfast taco with a spear.

2024-05-14 00:28:32

People joke about having sex with donuts, but people don’t really talk about how your life can change if you get a donut pregnant.

2024-05-12 21:57:17

Celebrating Mother’s Day by not doing anything good enough.

2024-05-10 18:22:41

Got banned from the local coffee shop for using my knowledge of alchemical lore to transform a cup of espresso into a turbo enema.

2024-05-10 13:59:38

There is nothing wrong with me that burrowing into the earth and hibernating until my prophesied return wouldn’t fix.

2024-05-09 04:40:26

When you get old, you will find yourself sticking a pillow between your legs for reasons that don’t start out as sexual.

2024-05-08 22:49:43

My emotional support dog has started chain smoking and behaving in other ways that are distressingly Parisian.

2024-05-08 01:43:35

If Tony Hawk were driving the trolley he’d do a kick flip and save us all.

2024-05-08 01:17:08

If you ever find yourself being chased by a Spice Girl, it’s very important that you run in a zig-a-zag-ah.

2024-05-07 02:45:32

Coping with being trapped in 18th century Virginia by teaching the locals how to measure the Fergaliciousness of things.

2024-05-06 18:41:11

Other People : It feels good to accomplish things!
Me : Tackling my to do list feels like having my feet nailed to the floor and being forced to play Tetris with a full bladder and a broken pause button.

2024-05-06 17:22:57

A hype man, but it’s a thick Gen X milf who smells like patchouli and says nice things to you in a way that makes you blush

2024-05-05 17:29:25

They should invent a form of exercise that’s as enjoyable as overeating, getting high, or allowing moss to grow on you.

2024-05-03 21:38:06

Maybe I don’t want to be trapped in the woods with a woman because I don’t want to have to hold a fart in the whole time.

2024-05-03 05:04:15

You either die a hero, or live long enough to be horny on main.

2024-04-30 23:44:31

They call me a sexual tornado because if you see me you should avoid windows and hide in the bathtub.

2024-04-28 05:29:55

Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go round. Muscle mommies are responsible for the tides. MILFs help prevent soil erosion.

2024-04-24 01:50:41

Shoutout to my dog, who taught me that you can still be cute even if you smell reeeeaaallly bad.

2024-04-23 02:08:47

Please #help if you can. Please #boost if you aren’t a soulless husk. And FYI, we will be making a list of all the people who boost so that we will know who does have a soul. The rest of you better watch out, because we WILL release the Roddy Piper Clones!
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-claudia-replace-ac-now-houston-summer-heat-is-deadly

2024-04-19 14:28:10

I’m not trying to be weird. Being weird is the only thing I do that takes zero effort.

2024-04-19 02:09:35

“Perineum” sounds like a kind of flower, yet it taint.

2024-04-07 19:05:53

Trying to be authentic enough to meet my people, but not so authentic that it’s in jail.

2024-04-03 18:26:48

A person deserves as much respect as they give to someone serving them.

2024-04-03 05:34:26

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@npub19fc…ay3c The best thing humanity ever invented was the concept of “indoors.”

2024-03-25 18:44:44

I’m so tired that I would let a kidnapper take me to a secondary location if it meant I could nap in the car.

2024-03-23 23:57:44

What #instantmessaging / #directmessaging software do you use? Please #boost.

2024-03-21 17:25:13

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@npub1gmx…atcq I lost my hair when I was still in high school, so Patrick Stewart being a geeky sex symbol was a psychological life raft for me.

2024-03-21 17:22:28

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@npub1gmx…atcq I appreciate the Professor because he’s a positive example of male hair loss, and having an army of school children.

2024-03-21 17:20:08

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@npub1gmx…atcq I appreciate you, Muscle Doc.

2024-03-21 15:29:58

I relate to my cat because I also try to get my emotional needs met by being an asshole.

2024-03-14 21:21:46

They say to treat people how you want to be treated, but I don’t think the cashier at the store enjoyed it when I told them they were a good son, that I was proud of them, and would like to watch a PG-13 movie with them later.

2024-02-23 03:52:59

I cannot stop watching Gen Z kids doing reaction videos to Metallica and slowly turning into metalheads as they expand from there.

2024-02-08 16:00:11

Me: *makes Readers Digest joke*
Younger relative: You’ll have to forgive my uncle. His birth year starts in “nineteen.”

2024-01-30 15:50:33

In a twist that no one could have seen coming, ignoring my problems has not made them better.

2024-01-24 21:16:42

Me last week: I do not like the freezing.
Me this week: I do not like the flooding.
Me in a few weeks: I can’t leave this faraday cage because the lightning elementals will get me.
Me in a few months: I did not know there was a form of weather that is a physical manifestation of social anxiety, but here we are.

2024-01-18 04:52:34

Me: I hate living with chronic anxiety.
Also me: *pouring coffee* Hell yeah. ‘Bout to get nervous af!

2024-01-17 19:42:25

If the check engine light burns out, the car has healed. It’s nature.

2024-01-12 06:16:23

#gratitude post: @npub15sp…5e6q
I love that Molly started posting Cats of Yore. I love seeing the old photos of cats and the people who loved them. As Terry Pratchett once wrote:
“I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
CATS, he said eventually. CATS ARE NICE.

2024-01-11 05:31:27

I am very tired and fragile, and I want to be close to people right now but my brain is green lighting the stupidest shit to come out of my mouth. I feel kind of like a glass cactus that was raised by teddy bears and longs for snuggles but can’t stop poking those who get close.

2024-01-11 04:38:38

#gratitude post: @npub1cfr…8g0l
Of all the beings that I'm afraid will eat me, LRRR is the funniest. I'm sure he misses his home on Omicron Persei 8, but while he is here he is bringing delight to the Fediverse. His human ghost writer is great, too, and has spoken to me with compassion when he has been permitted to act on his own.

2024-01-08 19:49:27

#gratitude post: @npub18lj…80hq
Ricki keeps the conversation moving, and does so in such a way that she’ll have you confessing to some stuff that you would never say out loud, but you’ll say it to Ricki (even though you know she’s going to tell everyone!)
In my mind, Ricki is one of the main social pillars of the Fediverse. Like @npub13rw…nfd8, this place might be able to exist without her but it would be a shell of what it could be.

2024-01-04 18:11:04

A guy just asked me if I wanted some left over barbecue that he made for New Years. I told him it is my New Years Resolution to eat the hell out of free barbecue.

2024-01-04 14:35:54

Me: *pours Lite Salt in my drinking water*
My Brain: Oh yeah! We're gonna get ElectroLIT!

2024-01-03 16:26:12

I’m convinced that dropping the I in “aluminium” was an accident. I believe that we Americans were so concerned about getting rid of the superfluous Us in our version of English and we were aiming for that second U and we hit the I. To rectify this, I propose that the new American spelling of “aluminum” be changed to either “aluminim” or “alminim.”

2024-01-01 01:36:32

As is tradition, we ring in the new year by triggering dogs and veterans. This is to demonstrate that we will continue to place our own preferences before those we claim to love.

2023-12-26 03:18:16

@npub1076…x7m7 Behold! My new Crocs!
https://files.mastodon.floe.earth/media_attachments/files/111/644/551/513/202/948/original/9160754f7595ec54.jpeg

2023-12-21 14:38:58

I always say, "doing drugs like the cool kids" before I wash down my SSRIs with a lukewarm cup of oolong tea.

2023-12-21 14:19:52

Some days you just want to lie in bed with an emotionally needy cat purring away on your chest.

2023-12-21 00:31:05

I just want to take a minute to give a shout-out to the Finns, whom I adore for reasons that initially started as heavy metal related but have since evolved to just liking ’em.

2023-12-20 19:29:03

I accidentally butchered my beard last night, and now I look like what you would get if you entered “perverted thumb” on an AI image generator.

2023-12-15 13:40:53

I slept about as well as an asshole covered in Flamin’ Hot Cheeto dust, and now that it’s time to work I feel as rough as an anxious person who reflexively uses edgelord humor to cope even though they know it pushes people away.

2023-12-11 05:49:01

Goth pickup line: the best thing about ennui is that u and i are together.

2023-12-05 05:36:38

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@npub1nlt…t44t She doesn’t like to snuggle, which is a damn shame because she’s the perfect size and produces enough body heat to comfortably warm a blanket fort.

2023-12-05 05:34:23

I adopted this dog because I thought she was going to die and I wanted to make her comfortable, and it’s been over a year and now she’s so damn comfortable that I don’t get to use my pillows or most of the napping futon.
https://files.mastodon.floe.earth/media_attachments/files/111/526/171/039/977/818/original/18cc5e7e2cf88140.jpeg

2023-12-01 14:40:05

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@npub1zak…d6uu @npub18yg…qgts This person gets it.

2023-11-17 02:52:59

I love hanging out with my dog and cat. Three different species, just vibing.

2023-11-14 03:51:54

Does anyone in the US car market regularly find themselves salivating over stuff in the foreign market, or is it just me?

2023-11-07 16:09:02

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@npub19fc…ay3c From now on, whenever something sounds stupid as hell, I’m getting in on the ground floor and getting out when I’ve made a teensy amount of money. I’m not smart enough to know when a bubble will pop, but I am cynical enough to recognize the need of people to think that tech bros and investment bros are smart.

2023-10-29 14:40:12

I keep dreaming that my dad has returned from the dead but he’s emotionally distant and eventually leaves again because he’s disappointed in me. Happy Sunday everyone!

2023-10-24 15:31:35

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@npub1nlt…t44t Holy shit that’s disturbing.

2023-10-24 15:29:44

I was a very vulnerable kid. I fully believed that my cousin had built an underground hang out full of sexy ladies. We were, like, 5 and 7 at the time, and I have no idea why we were interested in sexy ladies except perhaps because of cultural conditioning.

2023-09-23 21:55:50

I’m old enough to have witnessed someone writing a check to buy a pornography magazine at a gas station.

2023-09-20 01:31:10

How do you feel full on a #vegan or #vegetarian diet?

2023-09-18 00:16:54

In my moment of despair, I found a taco truck and light returned to my world.

2023-09-15 05:04:09

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@npub1nlt…t44t When the freeze hit the Texas electric grid, I pretty much kept my mom and I fed with egg drop soup. So easy, and so good!

2023-09-01 16:47:30

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@npub1typ…c8hh I was an obsessive memorizer of quotations in my early twenties. I used them as a balm for my OCD and anxiety. I think I’ll start again, and add in some poetry this time.

2023-09-01 02:09:17

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@npub18lj…80hq I love this photo of my dog yawning because he looks so goofy!
https://files.mastodon.floe.earth/media_attachments/files/110/987/449/010/447/053/original/28fe2f846b80a819.jpeg

2023-09-01 01:51:24

Weird how the Venn diagram of people who believe in “trickle down economics” and people who believe in “thoughts and prayers” is a circle.

2023-08-30 23:56:59

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@npub1v2s…mqq5 That house is going to be a nightmare to keep cool. I wonder if dew will run of it when the AC is running.

2023-08-23 05:08:46

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@npub1zak…d6uu I hate when that happens.

2023-08-21 04:28:56

I say that I googled something when in reality I duckedduckedgoosed it.

2023-08-19 03:04:46

What is your favorite fictional home, lair, base, etc.? Off the top of my head, I love the tree house from The Swiss Family Robinson.

2023-08-17 05:38:53

Those feels when you shift to restore blood flow to your limbs and your dog jumps away from you like you just shocked them.

2023-08-14 02:02:42

What is/are your favorite movie quotes?
#movie #quotes

2023-08-12 22:51:46

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@npub1483…lv2w They don’t understand that those of us of a certain age only had so many VHS or DVDs available to us, and we watched the shit out of them.

2023-08-12 22:49:20

It’s so hot out that you can feel your give a shit evaporating when you step out the door.

2023-08-12 04:12:04

I know crying is supposed to be super unmanly, but I just shot emotions out of my eyeballs and now I feel amazing and want to have a gym and motorcycle montage.

2023-08-11 23:13:37

Does anyone make hot #coffee and then stick it in the fridge so they can use it in a cold beverage later? Is that a thing?

2023-08-04 03:45:34

I hate it when later becomes now.

2023-08-03 18:43:46

Just saw a truck labeled “Load Master,” and all I gotta say is, “nice!”

2023-08-02 16:23:49

Ex-Catholics be like, “I could go for some incense and chanting right now.”