Bethany Black

‘Comedian’ managed by United Agents. #ActuallyAutistic

I block people for unsolicited advice, being argumentative etc, I don’t engage with them. This is a really simple boundary and whether you respect it tells me what I need to know.

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npub10nc7fgdscpx9f7kg23qj4wjxqyt4fc0cjdf0a2lu6c5wxauk3tcsqkkuvt

NIP-05 Address

BethanyBlack_at_mastodon.social@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs8eu0y5xcvqnz5lty9gsf2hfrqz965u8ufx5h7407dv28rw7tg4uggyvqmk

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npub10nc7fgdscpx9f7kg23qj4wjxqyt4fc0cjdf0a2lu6c5wxauk3tcsqkkuvt

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Last Notes

2024-09-27 10:55:10

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Also, I’ve taken on about 3 times more work than I’d usually be able to do over this month which means we can move without it being financially unmanageable.
The shifting moving date also means we’ve most of the house already packed with 2 weeks and 2 days to go.

2024-09-27 10:53:41

Busy morning on the phone but I seem to have sorted the external pressures of house moving.
Told the utilities our moving date, need to wait for my wife to be here for the broadband tho, organised Mans with Van too.
Thing I’m most impressed with: due to our shifting moving date I negotiated with our letting agent to pay to the end of this month and then figure out how much of next month’s rent needs paying *after* we leave.

2024-09-14 12:28:10

Roman Reigns is a big ambassador for medicine you don’t require a prescription to buy
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/135/901/752/907/003/original/a0c0aec98413675f.png

2024-09-12 15:36:37

Our landlady, via the letting agent has sent us 6 messages since she served the eviction notice to tell us that she was very mad we put a cat flap in the uPVC back door and that we will need to pay for it from our deposit.
She’s going to be so mad when she sees I’ve replaced the panel 😂

2024-09-09 10:47:28

Me on Mastodon yesterday “I have mostly been posting on Bluesky recently because my friends are there, but with the recent influx the replies from strangers are all awful patronising dicks”
Strangers on Mastodon yesterday: “What do you expect? It’s owned by tech billionaires you stupid piece of shit! This place is much better, and don’t you dare disagree or you should fuck off back to twitter or Bluesky”

2024-09-08 14:51:49

Wasps belong to the order “hymenoptera” from the Greek: hymen; meaning hymen, and ptera; meaning winged.
Because they are little flying cunts

2024-06-24 15:01:30

Lalo Schifrin “I wrote the theme to mission impossible in 5/4 time because the morse code for M I is — — . . and it matches that time signature”
Ronnie Hazelhurst *looking at the theme for Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em* “fucking amateur.”

2024-06-20 13:24:56

Having to do lots of things that I really struggle with right now to sort out the problem I have, and everyone I’ve talked to for support has thought that adding another person or organisation to contact would help rather than further overwhelm me.
Right now I want to crawl into bed and never be seen again

2024-06-20 10:11:29

I wouldn’t normally ask, but does anyone have a spare £13k I could just have?

2024-06-20 10:11:02

A morning of phone calls ahead of me, just listened to the whole of Concerto De Aranjuez whilst waiting for the council to answer, now to contact Shelter to see if they can find me a lawyer.
Turns out I completely forgot until I posted about my housing troubles on Facebook that one of my friends was a housing Lawyer for Sheffield council until recently

2024-06-19 14:17:04

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@npub1anp…encx yep

2024-06-19 09:28:44

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@npub1p6m…jpny I’m “medically clumsy” and during lockdown I broke toes on 3 occasions. Now at home I wear “safety slippers” which are essentially trainers

2024-06-19 09:25:51

Landlord’s served notice. We spent the last year trying to find somewhere suitable and nothing’s been available. As we’re both disabled I’m contacting citizen’s advice to see if they can help. I can’t get a mortgage until next March or I’d be looking to see if we could buy somewhere.

2024-06-19 07:52:56

Neutral Milk Hotel sounds like the first half of an info sec’s master password

2024-06-06 09:35:28

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@npub1tus…zmtj you wouldn’t believe the effort to go back in time, sneak into the studio and change that on the master

2024-06-06 09:22:56

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@npub1tus…zmtj yep, same.

2024-06-06 09:15:01

I’m sure I’m not the last person to know this, but you know that bit right at the end of Mr Blue Sky by ELO, the last bit where the mechanical voice goes “Mi-ster Blue Sky-y”
It actually says “please turn me over” because it was the last track on that side of the album.

2024-06-06 08:43:55

Forgot my headphones today, so I’m having yo listen to the music they pipe in to the gym. It’s making it way more difficult to focus on my shit, and I find myself seeing other people’s bad form, a thing I can normally ignore.

2024-06-02 14:57:16

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@npub1dw3…qpl3 you can buy it on your phone and watch on your PC, no one will stop you!!

2024-06-01 19:59:17

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@npub1swy…mtng it’s working again

2024-06-01 19:56:36

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@npub1swy…mtng thanks looks like the site’s crashed from too many people clicking the link, I’ll message the company whose site it’s on

2024-06-01 19:48:56

It’s pride month, so obviously if you don’t buy my live stand-up special for a tenner from https://www.gofasterstripe.com/bet then I’ll just have ro think you’re a bigot, and neither of us wants me to think that.

2024-05-31 09:42:11

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@npub15qf…wmjf they emailed to say they’re revoking the license on all the copies they ever produced of all their software over the coming weeks, even if you did have it registered it would deauthorise

2024-05-31 07:05:13

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Well done to everyone telling me that this camera angle makes him look like Mickey Mouse, you are all very good at spotting the joke.

2024-05-31 07:04:33

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@npub1p96…lqs8 congratulations on spotting the joke

2024-05-31 07:04:16

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@npub1fj2…7h5m congratulations on spotting the joke 😁

2024-05-31 07:04:03

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@npub1ugj…sjuz congratulations on spotting the joke 😁

2024-05-30 21:38:17

Compared to Trump Rishi Sunak’s had a pretty good day
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/532/196/627/662/828/original/4ae8e8e32cc30854.jpeg

2024-05-30 21:37:18

Lol

2024-05-29 09:29:02

Guys, I’m off on a tour of a friend’s wine cellar today. So excited. Apparently they have a fantastic cask of Amontillado they want me to see.
I’m so glad things seem to be turning around for them, they’ve had some rotten luck recently and I can’t help but feel a little responsible

2024-05-27 13:17:46

Fred the cat has a habit of catching animals, bringing them in, dropping them and then wondering why they escape. We spend a lot of time catching and releasing mice and voles.
Today he’s been upstairs as if he’s hunting, and I hoped it was a mouse rather than a spider big enough to pique his interest.
It was neither and I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes trying to coax a house sparrow out of his hiding place in the upstairs office and through an open window.

2024-05-27 12:55:02

“Candy for Vampires; Rhesus Pieces”
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/513/154/270/158/014/original/9834e49b31655e99.webp

2024-05-24 17:23:11

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@npub19rn…sf9u exactly as you’d imagine

2024-05-24 16:47:28

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Though one thing I miss about the old constituency was that the Greens always fielded a candidate called Dick Venes, and you’d see posters with “Green Dick Venes” on them like they were aiming for that crucial Incredible Hulk vote

2024-05-24 16:46:01

It’s interesting being in a constituency where I don’t really get a vote, and not because it’s a safe seat, but beca The main parties don’t tend to field a candidate to go up against the Speaker. It allows me a level of relaxation and detachment from the whole thing I’ve never had before.

2024-05-24 07:36:13

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@npub1ww8…66pd no

2024-05-22 17:35:31

The moment “Things can only get better” kicked in Sunak had a look ij his eyes I’ve seen a million times over my career: the moment a comedian realises they’re dying, that what was supposed to be the easy gig has got away from them with no way back and their confidence has gone. All you can do then is go through the motions and do your time

2024-05-22 16:57:22

Normally the Tories do worse over the course of an election because suddenly the news actually starts telling you what the other main parties actually think and want to do. So this could be fucking carnage.

2024-05-22 16:52:36

I reckon we only picked 4th July because the yanks are having theirs on 5th November

2024-05-22 07:54:41

Good morning. Fuck Bill Windows.

2024-05-21 10:07:12

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@npub1hrm…xvhg being able to know that we can’t get thrown out, and don’t have to have someone come and inspect the property every 6 months.

2024-05-21 09:57:39

Eeep, have just discovered that Skipton Building society do mortgages for people with less than 5% deposit providing you can prove you’ve paid your rent in full and on time for the last year, which I have (just about).
There’s also a little 2 bed terrace in our village for a price that we could afford (much cheaper than our rent), I’d ideally want to get a £3,000-£5,000 deposit together.
I think I might be able to do this.

2024-05-14 22:08:42

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@npub1zkj…y3m7 I’m so glad to see this post from you today x

2024-04-22 10:41:16

Just emails someone who’s out of office says “I’m OOO until next week” and I am so tempted to reply “YOU’RE A GHOST?!?!”

2024-04-11 16:50:09

Republicans say life begins at conception, Hallmark cards say life begins at 40.
Therefore the only rational centrist option is abortion up to the age of 20.

2024-03-25 12:36:25

“Art for art’s sake” love a bit of art me
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/156/353/350/082/655/original/ec07a7adf9193045.jpeg

2024-02-14 10:20:38

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@npub15qf…wmjf yeah, honestly I don’t remember half the people I followed on other social media, even mutuals unless I considered us friends, some of them I don’t follow not because they were annoying, but just that we have different interests, or mostly similar interests but what they post doesn’t speak to me. Plus a healthy dose of “it’s none of my business what anyone else thinks of me, and it’s their responsibility to tell me if I’ve done something that upset them”

2024-02-14 10:08:34

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@npub15qf…wmjf I’m fine with it, tbf the fewer people who follow me from there the better 😂

2024-02-06 16:13:41

Phew! Was expecting the thing wrong with my car to cost £800 from my guy and £1600 from the main dealer, but the main dealer can do it for £500 and I can have my car back tomorrow rather than waiting until Monday, so with a rental car factored in from my guy and lost work, it’s WAY cheaper to get the main dealer fix it

2024-02-06 12:17:57

Over at my mum and dad’s and it’s Trevor’s birthday
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/884/490/651/947/580/original/d4c9c658a9bd7b08.jpeg

2024-02-04 12:15:24

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@npub1cvv…mv8d yes, and they disagree with that because that’s not what they mean when they use it

2024-02-04 11:56:45

I’ve seen loads of right wingers being asked to define “woke” and struggling with it, and it’s interesting because it’s only when you know what someone means by what they say that you can properly address it. To them it’s obvious what it means and why they don’t like it, and they have no idea why those on the left can’t understand what they mean.
What they mean is “people who find offence where none was intended” once you know that it’s easier to challenge

2024-02-01 11:13:04

New suggestion for a law: if you manufacture food and say something is “new and improved recipe” when you’ve just reduced salt or MSG or replaced a key ingredient with a cheaper, shitter one; I get to go round your CEO’s house and kick him in the dick.

2024-01-31 09:09:52

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@npub15qf…wmjf damn right, it’s not your job to do all the work

2024-01-28 09:44:08

I love social media, you’re never more than 2 clicks away from someone saying the stupidest fucking thing you ever saw and half a dozen people agreeing with them.

2024-01-27 09:21:16

Here’s a thing that’s cheered me up, another positive in the world of shit that we’re forced to live through, the sheer number of comments on H.Bomberguy’s 7 year old “Sargon’s Petition: A Measured Response” from men saying how embarrassed they are that they were into Mr of Akkad and his ilk’s work, and that they now recognise the level of grooming that particular corner of the internet did to them

2024-01-25 10:50:15

In tears right now, because I’ve not been able to sort out my National Insurance payments for years (since 2019) because my NI number has “enhanced security” so no one’s allowed to look at my account (including me) and my accountant has sorted it out so I can at least pay the last 5 years NI that’s due so if I don’t miss a year from now on I can retire at 70.
It’s been hanging over me for years.
Now I just need to find the £1500 I owe them 😬

2024-01-22 10:02:27

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@npub15qf…wmjf I think that’s an example of autistic black and white thinking.
Finding emotions overwhelming isn’t necessarily a sign of poor emotional intelligence, nor a sign that you’re any “less human” any more than intellectual intelligence is a marker of that.

2024-01-22 08:58:34

28 years ago a lawyer wanted a scientist to fake some evidence about a vaccine for a class action lawsuit, the guy thought he could market his own vaccine at the same time, yadda yadda yadda there’s a measles outbreak now.

2024-01-20 10:26:59

As someone who DESPERATELY tries to keep her public and private lives separate, the biggest problem is friends and family following my public accounts and not knowing they they’re my work account, and every time I try to explain “please don’t comment on any of them as if we know each other” they think I’m being mad or rude.
This is not a request for a solution, no one who follows me on here knows enough about the whole situation to make an informed opinion

2024-01-19 08:57:46

I love this weather, because it gives me chance to be my most annoyingly best self.
Out in the snow and ice, with my snow spikes on my shoes, gritting the road and pavement exactly up to the property line and not a millimetre further. All because all my neighbours passed last time I did the whole road and only one waved back or said thank you.

2024-01-17 09:18:16

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@npub15qf…wmjf I think you’re probably right, and I think that comes across and for me makes me go “well if you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying why should I?”

2024-01-17 08:56:03

Still not responding to users of the GenX ellipsis and the quality of my replies has gone up drastically. No more trying to figure out “have they finished? Are they being passive aggressive? Are they just being a wet blanket?” Just ignoring them or muting them into the void.

2024-01-15 10:28:13

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@npub1cha…d2hp amazing to hear it in the wild especially as Mr Misery rolled his eyes and his pal carried on singing

2024-01-15 10:21:12

Leaving the gym and there were two lads walking in, one was happy singing tunelessly to himself and the other was like me, a miserable arse hole. Misery said “you’re always singing to yourself, you.” In an accusatory tone and the happy lad said “a bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song” and his complete lack of self consciousness made what would sound like he was quoting a movie and twee AF, just sound beautiful.

2024-01-11 10:05:18

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@npub1xtf…8rcj it’s so shitty

2024-01-11 09:53:52

Me “I accidentally grabbed a falling knife like a idiot”
Men on this site: “you need to learn how to overcome your instinct with sharp knives and not grab them”
Me
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/736/705/191/764/687/original/bed451664503004e.jpeg

2024-01-08 21:53:27

3/4 of the way through The Two Towers and keep humming to myself “if you like talking to Tree Beard, and fighting Orcs in the rain”

2024-01-06 13:15:36

Wait, what?
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/709/184/336/513/605/original/4862bb2891fc38d8.jpeg

2024-01-06 12:49:31

today's #366Films and it's the 2016 movie Colossal starring Anne Hathaway, Jason Sudeikis, Dan Stevens and Tim Blake Nelson. It was not the movie I was expecting.
Here's the review on Letterboxd https://letterboxd.com/bethanyblack/film/colossal-2016/
and here's a little story plus the review over on patreon (for patrons only until noon tomorrow) https://www.patreon.com/posts/366-films-day-5-95976115?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

2023-12-26 12:55:23

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@npub1q7l…eyct Christmas Eve birthday too, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

2023-12-26 12:45:51

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Also, managed to drop my sunglasses into my the egg I was whisking. It’s been a day of losing for me

2023-12-26 12:45:07

Managed to accidentally drop an egg and it’s always surprising when you’re cleaning up an egg how much egg is in it. It’s nearly a whole egg.

2023-12-21 15:06:27

Thinking about when I was off at the Post Office posting my Christmas cards and two fine English men, like a bar of soap had a thumb for a head, were talking about how you can’t say Christmas anymore “because it’ll upset the Muslims” there was some mention of Sharia law and how they’d get arrested for saying black coffee next, and I just walked past them to the counter and wished Mr Khan who ran said post office “Salam alaikum and a merry Christmas Mr Khan” and he wished the same back.

2023-12-15 11:36:53

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This is much the same as a lot of people saying “capitalism” in arguments when what they mean is cronyism or corporatism. Neoliberal corporatists just so completely captured the media that anyone who proposes a different view, EVEN IF THAT VIEW IS HELD BY THE MAJORITY OF EXPERTS IN THE FIELD, is deemed as fringe nonsense

2023-12-15 11:34:04

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Addendum because every time I talk about economics a bunch of people pop up to tell me the same argument they heard on their preferred YouTube channel as if it’s their own argument:
The vast majority of economists don’t believe in neoliberal economics on account of it having absolutely no basis in empirical data, it fails to take into account basic principles of psychology and didn’t re-evaluate its position after the 2008 crash. It is not the only model of macro-economics

2023-12-15 10:55:44

https://fortune.com/europe/2023/12/08/greedflation-study/amp/
Interesting article on Greedflation, and I think more interesting is that because neoliberal ideas about the economy absolutely captured the mainstream media it has been incredibly easy for them to get away with doing this.
When govt spending went up in response to covid economist’s employed by corporations and right wing organisations said inflation would go up massively, so when it didn’t naturally they just increased prices (and profits) to match their models

2023-12-14 20:26:16

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@npub1h7y…py5p priced up the parts it’s £50 for brakes and it’s an hour’s job at £35 for my mechanic

2023-12-14 20:03:52

On top of the £860 bill for fixing the pipe in my car’s engine the main dealer found £1500 worth of other things to fix on my car. Spoke to my mechanic and he reckons he can do them for £500-£600. I know main dealers are robbing bastards, but £700 to change two brake pads and a brake disc is ridiculous.

2023-12-11 08:19:55

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to explain the humourous thing people do that really winds me up and makes me immediately dislike someone, it’s sort of where they deny the premise but in a way that’s affected and hyperbolic.
An example, I just saw a post asking what the worst Christmas Bonus was that people had received and one of the answers was “What’s a Christmas bonus? Never had one.”

2023-12-10 09:09:50

As t’is the season if you’re out at a party and someone says they don’t drink, don’t ask why. Not because it’s intrusive, but because IT WON’T BE A FUN STORY TO GET THE PARTY STARTED.
Most of the time the reasons broadly fall into
1. “don’t like/Religious reasons”
2. “I didn’t want to die/nearly killed someone”
3. “I wanted my kids back”
It’s just not worth the social hit to the mood

2023-12-08 11:15:53

Finally my insta and facebook videos are monetised. I can now earn money from my content which will obviously be a tiny amount at first, but it finally gives me the impetus to actually get them done and on there every day

2023-12-01 11:13:38

Thinking about how drastically the size of TVs has gone up and the price has fallen, and also how quickly time has passed. I remember seeing a home video from 1999 where someone was telling his friends their millennium was going to be amazing and that he’d splashed out $5,000 on a 32” CRT widescreen TV and his friends lost their minds at the size and quality of the thing.
And for most of us over 45 that doesn’t seem that long ago.

2023-11-28 00:21:26

When I was a kid there was a Prudential advert where a guy said “I want to be a tree” and we made fun of it at school. But, at the age of 45, I know that a tree is exactly the right amount of alive to be.

2023-11-25 01:19:38

I keep seeing so many posts and videos from frustrated straight women about how their partners don’t do housework or prepare for Christmas or whatever and it’s all left to them, and the temptation to tell them that they can always leave because he’s a fucking selfish piece of shite and she not only deserves better but can undoubtedly do better is almost overwhelming.

2023-11-23 12:23:47

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“Normal people do this” is the reason they use. My mum this week literally said “Well, I’m not saying your best isn’t good enough… but you do need to try harder.” If I move 90% of the way to adapt for someone, and they don’t move 10% it’s perceived as me not meeting them in the middle.

2023-11-21 09:31:02

About twice per week online I have to ask myself “is this a bad AI chatbot, or a Dutch person trying to make friends with me?” Honest to goodness I love you, but about half of you would fail a Turing Test. The other day someone in reply to asking how old he was said “I’ve been running my current operating system 26 years.”
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/447/831/490/915/666/original/8cc39af153fadbe8.jpeg

2023-11-17 10:12:00

Facebook reminded me it’s the anniversary or the first time I played Oxford University Students’ Union and I joked “this university is really nice, you certainly kept that quiet, didn’t even know you had one here”
And they took me at face value. I tried that joke there and in the surrounding area on several occasions since, and it’s always met with bemusement by people who think I’m serious.

2023-11-16 13:17:19

Holy shit salbutamol is the shit. I can breathe properly for the first time in 18 months. My O2 sat is 99% for the first time in 18 months too. This must be what it’s like when athletes train at altitude then get back to sea level for the main event

2023-11-15 11:19:31

I’ve reached the age where all my male friends are going on “holiday” to Turkey and coming back looking like Robbie Rotten from Lazy Town
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/414/287/724/416/853/original/83d9a8caa0304739.jpeg

2023-11-13 12:18:36

Rishi Sunak this past weekend:
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/403/195/928/548/424/original/8f75247c193b8d1a.jpeg

2023-11-11 14:11:58

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@npub1sl9…2ckf people who hate capitalism and late stage capitalism often just hate corporatism and crony capitalism. Almost everyone I’ve ever had a proper discussion with about it (who isn’t a died in the wool communist) didn’t really hate capitalism, they just had a bad definition of it

2023-11-10 10:50:23

If anyone was boorn 100 years too late it’s Wim Hof, he’d have been the first man to the south pole, and he’d have done it barefoot.
He’d have survived the Titanic and just swum to shore.

2023-11-01 11:17:08

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@npub1pgn…kr4r oddly, if I hadn’t done some recent therapy I’d have thought I was just being bad at taking care of myself instead of recognising this is a thing that’ll happen, and will only happen in positive circumstances

2023-10-31 17:22:09

In my 21 years as a comedian I have never forgotten to invoice anyone for work that I’ve done, but this year I’ve hit a point where I have more work than I can do and in the last month have had 3 promoters get in touch to go “could you PLEASE send an invoice? I should have paid you a month ago!”
At the age of 44 and 10/12ths I’ve finally hit financial stability and my survival doesn’t depend on every single payment

2023-10-28 09:07:39

Today’s the day, the day I finally feel confident enough to keep my sunglasses on in the gym. I can work out without feeling overstimulated and can actually feel the workout like I’m supposed to without being distracted by the light being to loud.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/311/849/664/895/850/original/c78d9478155d992a.jpeg

2023-10-27 18:42:13

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@npub18yy…9zt6 same!

2023-10-21 14:41:20

Due to the old autism I wear sunglasses pretty much all the time when I’m out of my house, and as I’ve finally at the age of 44 managed to get financially stable enough to buy nice things I finally got the Ray Bans that have been on my amazon wishlist for the last 5 years
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/273/525/744/221/427/original/c7af3a0d40ae900e.jpeg

2023-10-21 14:33:06

The Daily Mail’s tiktok showing an entire town flooded up to the roofs because of Storm Babet with sea foam flying all over the place, decided to use “Splish Splash I was taking a Bath” at the music to play over it. Probably their most inappropriate choice since they captioned a picture of an ape in a party hat that had ripped a woman’s face off “Furious George”

2023-10-21 13:55:20

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The first is from The Amazing Spider-Man #700 and the second is from Peter Parker Spectacular Spider-Man #308 which is just one of the most heartbreaking reads I’ve ever had.