Bethany Black

‘Comedian’ managed by United Agents. #ActuallyAutistic

I block people for unsolicited advice, being argumentative etc, I don’t engage with them. This is a really simple boundary and whether you respect it tells me what I need to know.

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BethanyBlack_at_mastodon.social@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs8eu0y5xcvqnz5lty9gsf2hfrqz965u8ufx5h7407dv28rw7tg4ugpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qkn3085

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npub10nc7fgdscpx9f7kg23qj4wjxqyt4fc0cjdf0a2lu6c5wxauk3tcsqkkuvt

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Last Notes

2024-09-27 10:55:10

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Also, I’ve taken on about 3 times more work than I’d usually be able to do over this month which means we can move without it being financially unmanageable.
The shifting moving date also means we’ve most of the house already packed with 2 weeks and 2 days to go.

2024-09-27 10:53:41

Busy morning on the phone but I seem to have sorted the external pressures of house moving.
Told the utilities our moving date, need to wait for my wife to be here for the broadband tho, organised Mans with Van too.
Thing I’m most impressed with: due to our shifting moving date I negotiated with our letting agent to pay to the end of this month and then figure out how much of next month’s rent needs paying *after* we leave.

2024-09-14 12:28:10

Roman Reigns is a big ambassador for medicine you don’t require a prescription to buy
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/113/135/901/752/907/003/original/a0c0aec98413675f.png

2024-09-12 15:36:37

Our landlady, via the letting agent has sent us 6 messages since she served the eviction notice to tell us that she was very mad we put a cat flap in the uPVC back door and that we will need to pay for it from our deposit.
She’s going to be so mad when she sees I’ve replaced the panel 😂

2024-09-09 15:49:21

Moving process is going slowly, seems the people who lived there don’t realise that lettings can’t charge you for a deep clean, plus it looks like the previous tenants have agreed to replace the carpets they ruined, so those will be replaced before we move in.
Had no idea how bad the damp was at our current place, both S and my lungs are wrecked from what’s clearly mould spores we’re dislodging as we empty cupboards

2024-09-09 10:47:28

Me on Mastodon yesterday “I have mostly been posting on Bluesky recently because my friends are there, but with the recent influx the replies from strangers are all awful patronising dicks”
Strangers on Mastodon yesterday: “What do you expect? It’s owned by tech billionaires you stupid piece of shit! This place is much better, and don’t you dare disagree or you should fuck off back to twitter or Bluesky”

2024-09-08 14:51:49

Wasps belong to the order “hymenoptera” from the Greek: hymen; meaning hymen, and ptera; meaning winged.
Because they are little flying cunts

2024-08-17 12:46:26

What did I miss?

2024-06-24 15:01:30

Lalo Schifrin “I wrote the theme to mission impossible in 5/4 time because the morse code for M I is — — . . and it matches that time signature”
Ronnie Hazelhurst *looking at the theme for Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em* “fucking amateur.”

2024-06-20 13:24:56

Having to do lots of things that I really struggle with right now to sort out the problem I have, and everyone I’ve talked to for support has thought that adding another person or organisation to contact would help rather than further overwhelm me.
Right now I want to crawl into bed and never be seen again

2024-06-20 10:11:29

I wouldn’t normally ask, but does anyone have a spare £13k I could just have?

2024-06-20 10:11:02

A morning of phone calls ahead of me, just listened to the whole of Concerto De Aranjuez whilst waiting for the council to answer, now to contact Shelter to see if they can find me a lawyer.
Turns out I completely forgot until I posted about my housing troubles on Facebook that one of my friends was a housing Lawyer for Sheffield council until recently

2024-06-19 14:17:04

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@npub1anp…encx yep

2024-06-19 09:28:44

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@npub1p6m…jpny I’m “medically clumsy” and during lockdown I broke toes on 3 occasions. Now at home I wear “safety slippers” which are essentially trainers

2024-06-19 09:25:51

Landlord’s served notice. We spent the last year trying to find somewhere suitable and nothing’s been available. As we’re both disabled I’m contacting citizen’s advice to see if they can help. I can’t get a mortgage until next March or I’d be looking to see if we could buy somewhere.

2024-06-19 07:52:56

Neutral Milk Hotel sounds like the first half of an info sec’s master password

2024-06-06 09:35:28

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@npub1tus…zmtj you wouldn’t believe the effort to go back in time, sneak into the studio and change that on the master

2024-06-06 09:22:56

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@npub1tus…zmtj yep, same.

2024-06-06 09:15:01

I’m sure I’m not the last person to know this, but you know that bit right at the end of Mr Blue Sky by ELO, the last bit where the mechanical voice goes “Mi-ster Blue Sky-y”
It actually says “please turn me over” because it was the last track on that side of the album.

2024-06-06 08:43:55

Forgot my headphones today, so I’m having yo listen to the music they pipe in to the gym. It’s making it way more difficult to focus on my shit, and I find myself seeing other people’s bad form, a thing I can normally ignore.

2024-06-02 14:57:16

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@npub1dw3…qpl3 you can buy it on your phone and watch on your PC, no one will stop you!!

2024-06-01 19:59:17

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@npub1swy…mtng it’s working again

2024-06-01 19:56:36

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@npub1swy…mtng thanks looks like the site’s crashed from too many people clicking the link, I’ll message the company whose site it’s on

2024-06-01 19:48:56

It’s pride month, so obviously if you don’t buy my live stand-up special for a tenner from https://www.gofasterstripe.com/bet then I’ll just have ro think you’re a bigot, and neither of us wants me to think that.

2024-05-31 09:42:11

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@npub15qf…wmjf they emailed to say they’re revoking the license on all the copies they ever produced of all their software over the coming weeks, even if you did have it registered it would deauthorise

2024-05-31 07:05:13

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Well done to everyone telling me that this camera angle makes him look like Mickey Mouse, you are all very good at spotting the joke.

2024-05-31 07:04:33

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@npub1p96…lqs8 congratulations on spotting the joke

2024-05-31 07:04:16

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@npub1fj2…7h5m congratulations on spotting the joke 😁

2024-05-31 07:04:03

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@npub1ugj…sjuz congratulations on spotting the joke 😁

2024-05-30 21:38:17

Compared to Trump Rishi Sunak’s had a pretty good day
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/532/196/627/662/828/original/4ae8e8e32cc30854.jpeg

2024-05-30 21:37:18

Lol

2024-05-29 09:29:02

Guys, I’m off on a tour of a friend’s wine cellar today. So excited. Apparently they have a fantastic cask of Amontillado they want me to see.
I’m so glad things seem to be turning around for them, they’ve had some rotten luck recently and I can’t help but feel a little responsible

2024-05-27 13:17:46

Fred the cat has a habit of catching animals, bringing them in, dropping them and then wondering why they escape. We spend a lot of time catching and releasing mice and voles.
Today he’s been upstairs as if he’s hunting, and I hoped it was a mouse rather than a spider big enough to pique his interest.
It was neither and I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes trying to coax a house sparrow out of his hiding place in the upstairs office and through an open window.

2024-05-27 12:55:02

“Candy for Vampires; Rhesus Pieces”
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/513/154/270/158/014/original/9834e49b31655e99.webp

2024-05-24 17:23:11

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@npub19rn…sf9u exactly as you’d imagine

2024-05-24 16:47:28

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Though one thing I miss about the old constituency was that the Greens always fielded a candidate called Dick Venes, and you’d see posters with “Green Dick Venes” on them like they were aiming for that crucial Incredible Hulk vote

2024-05-24 16:46:01

It’s interesting being in a constituency where I don’t really get a vote, and not because it’s a safe seat, but beca The main parties don’t tend to field a candidate to go up against the Speaker. It allows me a level of relaxation and detachment from the whole thing I’ve never had before.

2024-05-24 07:36:13

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@npub1ww8…66pd no

2024-05-22 17:35:31

The moment “Things can only get better” kicked in Sunak had a look ij his eyes I’ve seen a million times over my career: the moment a comedian realises they’re dying, that what was supposed to be the easy gig has got away from them with no way back and their confidence has gone. All you can do then is go through the motions and do your time

2024-05-22 16:57:22

Normally the Tories do worse over the course of an election because suddenly the news actually starts telling you what the other main parties actually think and want to do. So this could be fucking carnage.

2024-05-22 16:52:36

I reckon we only picked 4th July because the yanks are having theirs on 5th November

2024-05-22 07:54:41

Good morning. Fuck Bill Windows.

2024-05-21 10:07:12

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@npub1hrm…xvhg being able to know that we can’t get thrown out, and don’t have to have someone come and inspect the property every 6 months.

2024-05-21 09:57:39

Eeep, have just discovered that Skipton Building society do mortgages for people with less than 5% deposit providing you can prove you’ve paid your rent in full and on time for the last year, which I have (just about).
There’s also a little 2 bed terrace in our village for a price that we could afford (much cheaper than our rent), I’d ideally want to get a £3,000-£5,000 deposit together.
I think I might be able to do this.

2024-05-18 14:04:36

You know, you can sing “the Lion Sleeps Tonight” any time you feel like it, it’s literally just a whim away.
No, you fuck off.

2024-05-14 22:08:42

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@npub1zkj…y3m7 I’m so glad to see this post from you today x

2024-05-09 22:36:19

My bad knee is now playing up again, a combination of arthritis and nerve damage from when I broke it makes it feel like I’ve been stung by a wasp in the knee joint and that then radiates through my shin and femur like a tooth ache. Have treated myself to an evening on the couch with codeine

2024-04-25 13:11:51

Been a bit quiet recently, since my wife got rushed to hospital about 6 weeks ago it’s all been hectic and horrible, she’s fine, she’s finally got a surgery date for mid May, but financially it’s a huge struggle, made worse by my losing £800 of work recently.

2024-04-22 10:41:16

Just emails someone who’s out of office says “I’m OOO until next week” and I am so tempted to reply “YOU’RE A GHOST?!?!”

2024-04-11 16:50:09

Republicans say life begins at conception, Hallmark cards say life begins at 40.
Therefore the only rational centrist option is abortion up to the age of 20.

2024-03-25 12:36:25

“Art for art’s sake” love a bit of art me
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/156/353/350/082/655/original/ec07a7adf9193045.jpeg

2024-02-27 19:56:56

https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/005/202/011/156/105/original/cc28d4f98cf65759.jpeg

2024-02-14 10:20:38

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@npub15qf…wmjf yeah, honestly I don’t remember half the people I followed on other social media, even mutuals unless I considered us friends, some of them I don’t follow not because they were annoying, but just that we have different interests, or mostly similar interests but what they post doesn’t speak to me. Plus a healthy dose of “it’s none of my business what anyone else thinks of me, and it’s their responsibility to tell me if I’ve done something that upset them”

2024-02-14 10:08:34

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@npub15qf…wmjf I’m fine with it, tbf the fewer people who follow me from there the better 😂

2024-02-06 16:13:41

Phew! Was expecting the thing wrong with my car to cost £800 from my guy and £1600 from the main dealer, but the main dealer can do it for £500 and I can have my car back tomorrow rather than waiting until Monday, so with a rental car factored in from my guy and lost work, it’s WAY cheaper to get the main dealer fix it

2024-02-06 12:17:57

Over at my mum and dad’s and it’s Trevor’s birthday
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/884/490/651/947/580/original/d4c9c658a9bd7b08.jpeg

2024-02-05 08:45:29

There’s a rhetorical device called the “Gish Gallop” where you take control by launching a whole series of accusations in one go so that if the opponent doesn’t refute them all the audience will think you won.
Because of the cadence and alliteration I never pronounce “gallop” like gallop in my head, it’s always g’llop

2024-02-04 12:15:24

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@npub1cvv…mv8d yes, and they disagree with that because that’s not what they mean when they use it

2024-02-04 11:56:45

I’ve seen loads of right wingers being asked to define “woke” and struggling with it, and it’s interesting because it’s only when you know what someone means by what they say that you can properly address it. To them it’s obvious what it means and why they don’t like it, and they have no idea why those on the left can’t understand what they mean.
What they mean is “people who find offence where none was intended” once you know that it’s easier to challenge

2024-02-01 11:13:04

New suggestion for a law: if you manufacture food and say something is “new and improved recipe” when you’ve just reduced salt or MSG or replaced a key ingredient with a cheaper, shitter one; I get to go round your CEO’s house and kick him in the dick.

2024-01-31 09:09:52

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@npub15qf…wmjf damn right, it’s not your job to do all the work

2024-01-28 09:44:08

I love social media, you’re never more than 2 clicks away from someone saying the stupidest fucking thing you ever saw and half a dozen people agreeing with them.

2024-01-27 09:21:16

Here’s a thing that’s cheered me up, another positive in the world of shit that we’re forced to live through, the sheer number of comments on H.Bomberguy’s 7 year old “Sargon’s Petition: A Measured Response” from men saying how embarrassed they are that they were into Mr of Akkad and his ilk’s work, and that they now recognise the level of grooming that particular corner of the internet did to them

2024-01-25 10:50:15

In tears right now, because I’ve not been able to sort out my National Insurance payments for years (since 2019) because my NI number has “enhanced security” so no one’s allowed to look at my account (including me) and my accountant has sorted it out so I can at least pay the last 5 years NI that’s due so if I don’t miss a year from now on I can retire at 70.
It’s been hanging over me for years.
Now I just need to find the £1500 I owe them 😬

2024-01-25 09:31:43

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This isn’t just a US thing, I see it a lot in real life with all the left wingers I know, they think patriotism is stupid, nearly as stupid as those gun-toting, over eating, middle east invading Americans amirite? And how dare they say we have shit food and bad teeth! They have no healthcare!!
Accept you do like your country, you just wish it was better and had fewer arse holes.

2024-01-25 09:29:06

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It seems particularly baked in with American leftists I’m interacting with on BlueSky. Lots of trans folks with cartoon avatars who think patriotism is for idiots, who chastise liberals for throwing red state progressives under the bus, but think all of “Britain” should be destroyed for being transphobic and get SUPER angry at anyone making jokes at the expense of national stereotypes of the US

2024-01-25 09:17:19

Here’s a thing I noticed, and I might delete this in a bit, but a lot of leftists go on about how they’re not patriotic at all, and yet coincidentally hate other countries and get upset when other countries point out stereotypes about their country that they don’t think applies to them.
Gets down to the core difference between left and right, the left thinks the world can be better, the right thinks the world was better.

2024-01-22 10:02:27

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@npub15qf…wmjf I think that’s an example of autistic black and white thinking.
Finding emotions overwhelming isn’t necessarily a sign of poor emotional intelligence, nor a sign that you’re any “less human” any more than intellectual intelligence is a marker of that.

2024-01-22 08:58:34

28 years ago a lawyer wanted a scientist to fake some evidence about a vaccine for a class action lawsuit, the guy thought he could market his own vaccine at the same time, yadda yadda yadda there’s a measles outbreak now.

2024-01-20 10:26:59

As someone who DESPERATELY tries to keep her public and private lives separate, the biggest problem is friends and family following my public accounts and not knowing they they’re my work account, and every time I try to explain “please don’t comment on any of them as if we know each other” they think I’m being mad or rude.
This is not a request for a solution, no one who follows me on here knows enough about the whole situation to make an informed opinion

2024-01-19 08:57:46

I love this weather, because it gives me chance to be my most annoyingly best self.
Out in the snow and ice, with my snow spikes on my shoes, gritting the road and pavement exactly up to the property line and not a millimetre further. All because all my neighbours passed last time I did the whole road and only one waved back or said thank you.

2024-01-17 09:18:16

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@npub15qf…wmjf I think you’re probably right, and I think that comes across and for me makes me go “well if you don’t have confidence in what you’re saying why should I?”

2024-01-17 08:56:03

Still not responding to users of the GenX ellipsis and the quality of my replies has gone up drastically. No more trying to figure out “have they finished? Are they being passive aggressive? Are they just being a wet blanket?” Just ignoring them or muting them into the void.

2024-01-15 11:00:21

I hate my industry and this year I need to reach the point where I can sell 2,500 tour show tickets so I can quit being on the comedy circuit. If I can do that and sell a book, I can escape. I sold 1,200 tickets for the last tour. I just need to double the dates this year.

2024-01-15 10:28:13

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@npub1cha…d2hp amazing to hear it in the wild especially as Mr Misery rolled his eyes and his pal carried on singing

2024-01-15 10:21:12

Leaving the gym and there were two lads walking in, one was happy singing tunelessly to himself and the other was like me, a miserable arse hole. Misery said “you’re always singing to yourself, you.” In an accusatory tone and the happy lad said “a bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song” and his complete lack of self consciousness made what would sound like he was quoting a movie and twee AF, just sound beautiful.

2024-01-11 10:05:18

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@npub1xtf…8rcj it’s so shitty

2024-01-11 09:53:52

Me “I accidentally grabbed a falling knife like a idiot”
Men on this site: “you need to learn how to overcome your instinct with sharp knives and not grab them”
Me
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/736/705/191/764/687/original/bed451664503004e.jpeg

2024-01-08 21:53:27

3/4 of the way through The Two Towers and keep humming to myself “if you like talking to Tree Beard, and fighting Orcs in the rain”

2024-01-06 13:15:36

Wait, what?
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/709/184/336/513/605/original/4862bb2891fc38d8.jpeg

2024-01-06 12:49:31

today's #366Films and it's the 2016 movie Colossal starring Anne Hathaway, Jason Sudeikis, Dan Stevens and Tim Blake Nelson. It was not the movie I was expecting.
Here's the review on Letterboxd https://letterboxd.com/bethanyblack/film/colossal-2016/
and here's a little story plus the review over on patreon (for patrons only until noon tomorrow) https://www.patreon.com/posts/366-films-day-5-95976115?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link

2023-12-26 12:55:23

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@npub1q7l…eyct Christmas Eve birthday too, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.

2023-12-26 12:45:51

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Also, managed to drop my sunglasses into my the egg I was whisking. It’s been a day of losing for me

2023-12-26 12:45:07

Managed to accidentally drop an egg and it’s always surprising when you’re cleaning up an egg how much egg is in it. It’s nearly a whole egg.

2023-12-21 15:06:27

Thinking about when I was off at the Post Office posting my Christmas cards and two fine English men, like a bar of soap had a thumb for a head, were talking about how you can’t say Christmas anymore “because it’ll upset the Muslims” there was some mention of Sharia law and how they’d get arrested for saying black coffee next, and I just walked past them to the counter and wished Mr Khan who ran said post office “Salam alaikum and a merry Christmas Mr Khan” and he wished the same back.

2023-12-15 11:36:53

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This is much the same as a lot of people saying “capitalism” in arguments when what they mean is cronyism or corporatism. Neoliberal corporatists just so completely captured the media that anyone who proposes a different view, EVEN IF THAT VIEW IS HELD BY THE MAJORITY OF EXPERTS IN THE FIELD, is deemed as fringe nonsense

2023-12-15 11:34:04

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Addendum because every time I talk about economics a bunch of people pop up to tell me the same argument they heard on their preferred YouTube channel as if it’s their own argument:
The vast majority of economists don’t believe in neoliberal economics on account of it having absolutely no basis in empirical data, it fails to take into account basic principles of psychology and didn’t re-evaluate its position after the 2008 crash. It is not the only model of macro-economics

2023-12-15 10:55:44

https://fortune.com/europe/2023/12/08/greedflation-study/amp/
Interesting article on Greedflation, and I think more interesting is that because neoliberal ideas about the economy absolutely captured the mainstream media it has been incredibly easy for them to get away with doing this.
When govt spending went up in response to covid economist’s employed by corporations and right wing organisations said inflation would go up massively, so when it didn’t naturally they just increased prices (and profits) to match their models

2023-12-14 20:26:16

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@npub1h7y…py5p priced up the parts it’s £50 for brakes and it’s an hour’s job at £35 for my mechanic

2023-12-14 20:03:52

On top of the £860 bill for fixing the pipe in my car’s engine the main dealer found £1500 worth of other things to fix on my car. Spoke to my mechanic and he reckons he can do them for £500-£600. I know main dealers are robbing bastards, but £700 to change two brake pads and a brake disc is ridiculous.

2023-12-13 22:46:12

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https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/575/529/754/278/530/original/37c86abfa152539a.jpeg

2023-12-13 22:44:02

So, the Jeep 4XE is TERRIBLE. A hybrid that gets 10 less MPG than my diesel Mazda 6 the lane correction is designed for US roads so is hugely over sensitive to driving in the UK so it spends an awful lot of time beeping you to stay in your lane when you’re in the middle of your lane.
Also the EV charger to top up the battery takes forever and the battery drains to 1% in 20 miles. Am so glad my car will be fixed by Friday and I can leave this monstrosity back at the rental place.

2023-12-13 10:56:21

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@npub1kuq…6zhe streaming, if it was broadcast it’d be closer to £3,000

2023-12-13 08:53:18

Residuals through for 2 TV shows that I did totalling 6 episodes…
…£19.44 let the good times roll!

2023-12-11 08:19:55

I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to explain the humourous thing people do that really winds me up and makes me immediately dislike someone, it’s sort of where they deny the premise but in a way that’s affected and hyperbolic.
An example, I just saw a post asking what the worst Christmas Bonus was that people had received and one of the answers was “What’s a Christmas bonus? Never had one.”

2023-12-10 09:09:50

As t’is the season if you’re out at a party and someone says they don’t drink, don’t ask why. Not because it’s intrusive, but because IT WON’T BE A FUN STORY TO GET THE PARTY STARTED.
Most of the time the reasons broadly fall into
1. “don’t like/Religious reasons”
2. “I didn’t want to die/nearly killed someone”
3. “I wanted my kids back”
It’s just not worth the social hit to the mood

2023-12-08 11:15:53

Finally my insta and facebook videos are monetised. I can now earn money from my content which will obviously be a tiny amount at first, but it finally gives me the impetus to actually get them done and on there every day

2023-12-02 16:28:14

I never learned about survivorship bias and I turned out okay.

2023-12-01 11:13:38

Thinking about how drastically the size of TVs has gone up and the price has fallen, and also how quickly time has passed. I remember seeing a home video from 1999 where someone was telling his friends their millennium was going to be amazing and that he’d splashed out $5,000 on a 32” CRT widescreen TV and his friends lost their minds at the size and quality of the thing.
And for most of us over 45 that doesn’t seem that long ago.

2023-11-29 10:24:42

I learned economics in order to not be terrified when the Tories got into power in 2015, my reasoning being that I thought economists were all Conservative leaning and if I could at least find a positive long term outcome then I wouldn’t be so worried.
What I learned is that almost all economists are in fact to the left of centre unless their job requires them not to be, and even then it’s not a guarantee. Joseph Stiglitz was chief economist for the world bank and is to the left of the SNP