connectpoliticditto.

handcrafted, small batch, farm-to-table thoughts. often wrong, but never in doubt. 🌊.

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npub1r3kgwkuusr8qka2jnpn7df36dxkqwkm5yp8ly0edj5teg5t7nmgsxkqg8e

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cpoliticditto_at_mas.to@mostr.pub

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nprofile1qqspcmy8twwgpnstw4ffselx5caxntq8td6zqnlj8uke29u529lfa5gpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qj5tw4f

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npub1r3kgwkuusr8qka2jnpn7df36dxkqwkm5yp8ly0edj5teg5t7nmgsxkqg8e

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Last Notes

2024-04-08 02:38:42

The solar eclipse can still be reversed, if Mike Pence has the courage

2024-03-23 17:12:14

Normalize demanding to speak to the manager, with the intent of telling them you know it’s hard to manage a store and they’re doing a great job

2024-03-19 20:27:21

There’s nothing more enraging than finding out that someone funny is also hot. The absolute nerve

2024-03-18 18:58:38

Manifesting being a successful businessman by doing a buttload of ketamine and being denied for a $454M loan

2024-03-18 03:35:04

t's a tad ironic that the Princess of Wales is conducting one of the most prolific Irish goodbyes of all time

2024-03-14 12:19:41

TikTok has made this generation soft.
In MY day, we had to write all of our personal information out by hand and mail it to the People’s Republic of China ourselves.

2024-03-11 03:18:49

maybe the real treasure was the daylight we saved along the way

2024-03-09 02:05:58

Happy International Women’s Day to all, even those not memorialized in Mitt’s binders 🤗
https://media.mas.to/media_attachments/files/112/063/279/568/038/190/original/5b6721370edd9f10.jpeg

2024-03-01 23:43:03

I hope that Betsy DeVos’ favorite snack gets discontinued this weekend.

2024-02-17 02:40:15

I hope Betsy DeVos is walking in her socks this weekend, and steps in a puddle of water by her fridge’s ice dispenser

2024-02-12 00:42:24

CBS is too woke to show it but Jesus washed Moody’s foot before he kicked that 55-yard field goal

2024-02-11 01:50:02

Why spend $3,500 on a Apple Vision Pro when you can get a vasectomy for much cheaper

2024-01-30 01:10:38

it’s going to be hard to determine whether Tesla fanboys are crashing their cars because their Autopilot glitched or their Neurolink implant malfunctioned

2024-01-29 15:22:34

Fully-vaxxed Pfizer spokesman Travis Kelce: “I’m dating Taylor Swift and heading to the Super Bowl!”
Anti-Vaxxer Aaron Rodgers: “I got hurt in the first game of the season and Jimmy Kimmel is a big meanie”

2024-01-25 15:06:04

Next time your job says “our employees are our greatest asset”, ask to see their balance sheet to check if employees show up under assets or expenses

2024-01-21 21:27:24

DeSantis isn’t being forced to carry his campaign to term? Hypocrites, all

2024-01-18 03:43:37

I didn’t even know Madison Cawthorn’s cousin WAS a politician
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/774/884/679/217/476/original/957f13c47153e774.jpeg

2024-01-18 00:58:38

Aliens: take me to your leader
[mitch mcconnell appears, glitches out for 90 seconds]
Aliens: *getting back in the flying saucer* NEVERMIND
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/774/236/633/100/367/original/942e73c60a9a196d.jpeg

2024-01-16 03:28:47

Asa Hutchinson followers have reportedly stormed a grain silo to overturn the Iowa primary

2024-01-16 02:23:19

If you’re in line to vote for Donald Trump, STAY IN LINE - preferably outdoors until hypothermia sets in

2024-01-12 21:55:08

I hope that Betsy DeVos orders her food at a restaurant this weekend, only to be told that the kitchen is out of her chosen entree and she quickly chooses a replacement dish that is deeply unsatisfying

2024-01-06 18:34:17

dang, forgot to leave a plate of manhood out for Josh Hawley last night.
Jan 6th Eve always sneaks up on me.

2024-01-05 20:49:02

I hope Betsy DeVos’ power goes out briefly this weekend, just long enough to reset all 352 clocks in her mansion to 12:00 A.M.

2023-12-31 17:36:35

New Year’s Eve is for amateurs, I drop the ball every single day

2023-12-30 00:34:34

I hope that Betsy DeVos gets invited to several NYE parties this weekend, and accidentally attends the one that is the least fun

2023-12-28 16:21:25

🎵 On the third day after Christmas, my true love gave to me
Somehow even more leftover ham 🎵

2023-12-26 20:01:52

when you're Ben Shapiro's wife, every January is Dry January

2023-12-21 17:08:31

WOW - the Substack company line is “not only will we platform Nazis, we’ll pay ‘em, too!”
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/619/496/084/625/686/original/7976cc824b55ba1c.jpeg

2023-12-21 15:11:09

As a New Yorker, seeing Christmas decorations in tropical places seems deeply unserious to me.
You need to be physically uncomfortable outside to be in the holiday spirit. No exceptions.

2023-12-20 19:59:42

Tesla, whose cars can’t withstand a brushless car wash, would like you to submerge their new truck in water 👌
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/614/515/003/584/291/original/91aa6d6223d28e32.jpeg
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/614/515/057/423/550/original/66bac2d200ffeec1.jpeg

2023-12-19 15:06:17

“don’t vote for the candidate that quotes Hitler” used to be solid bipartisan guidance

2023-12-13 22:03:37

In the last 24 hours, Elon Musk has had his polygon truck get stuck in the woods, had 2M Teslas recalled, lost a $900M subsidy for Starlink, had a new Neuralink monkey death scandal, and his mother tweeting at Joe Biden to complain on his behalf.
Can we just put him in a bag of rice and move on?

2023-12-09 17:50:18

Mike’s Hard Lemonade: 5% alcohol by volume
Panera’s Harder Lemonade: 5% fatality rate

2023-12-08 21:52:08

I hope this weekend, Betsy DeVos drinks a Panera Charged Lemonade™️

2023-12-07 04:25:49

The winner of tonight’s GOP debate was me, who did not know there was a debate until it had already concluded

2023-12-04 01:50:43

I miss when gaslighting was just something Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O did around a campfire

2023-11-30 02:42:02

- reply

@npub1sf0…qtdc id never joke about something this serious, it’s true!

2023-11-30 02:02:06

HENRY KISSINGER DIED, WE DID IT
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/497/031/492/550/544/original/09911c08a0d02b9d.jpeg

2023-11-20 00:53:26

Argentina’s new president seems like a chill guy (compared to Gary Busey and Steve Bannon)

2023-11-17 20:31:18

BREAKING: MyPillow Pauses Twitter Advertising Until Elon Musk Officially Changes X Logo To Swastika

2023-11-15 15:19:15

The Cybertruck has succeeded in doing the impossible; Making the Pontiac Aztek look useful and beautiful
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/415/231/915/650/792/original/a10c08585cf0a372.jpeg

2023-11-08 03:20:04

A bad night for Glenn Youngkin is a good night for America.

2023-11-05 13:30:59

- reply

@npub1sfl…gczt expensive, too!

2023-10-28 16:04:03

Doctors who don’t have online bill pay should be required to charge 1980’s prices

2023-10-20 16:56:49

Kenneth Chesebro is actually a great name for a rat

2023-10-19 20:35:17

If I were John Fettermann’s campaign manager, his slogan would have been “FETTERMAN: he puts the ‘OGRE’ in prOGREssive!”

2023-10-19 00:36:21

I don’t miss the fear of the early days of the pandemic, but I openly pine for the part where celebrating someone’s birthday meant you drove past their house, honked your horn, and went home

2023-10-18 18:44:39

US Government: “we do not give financial aid to terrorists!”
Also US Gov’t: *forgives Marjorie Taylor Greene’s $185,000 PPP loan*

2023-10-13 17:57:18

I hope that Betsy DeVos fails to check the weather this weekend and dresses for warmer weather than she experiences, causing her hours of enduring a mild chill and reducing her enjoyment of whatever activities she has planned.

2023-10-11 04:34:36

RFK Jr. is the official politician of people who think pee is stored in the balls

2023-10-10 16:14:20

“I was a big account on Twitter” is just “I was popular in middle school” for millennials

2023-09-28 01:15:22

Lots of people calling Trump a scab today, but he’s actually more of a boil

2023-09-16 14:45:48

At least Mike Pence had the decency to walk out of Hamilton before jerking off his date

2023-09-14 18:10:29

If Hunter Biden gets indicted another few dozen times, he might win the Republican nomination
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/111/064/842/672/794/962/original/a8611cbcd367e2d8.jpeg

2023-09-14 00:39:35

I would rather catch my partner cheating than walk in on them laughing at a Bill Maher monologue

2023-09-05 23:03:14

I don’t ask for much, but it’d be swell if Rudy Giuliani got arrested on 9/11

2023-09-05 18:37:30

Normalize dabbing a bit of Bud Light on the inside of your wrist to keep away conservatives

2023-09-05 02:10:21

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about, unless they’re a Republican in which case they’re fighting a bunch of made-up battles that they will not shut the fuck up about

2023-09-03 01:38:08

between Burning Man and Fyre Festival maybe stay the hell away from pyro-themed gatherings

2023-09-02 19:17:28

An Irish goodbye is when you vanish because the party had no potatoes

2023-08-31 19:01:00

Your email may have found me, but it will never take me alive

2023-08-30 23:42:15

Kendrick Mitch
Lamar McConnell
🤝
my last stroke just
went viral

2023-08-28 01:14:16

Elon Musk’s entire vibe can best be described as “guy who gets repeatedly duped on 90 Day Fiancé”

2023-08-24 17:35:57

Her milkshake brought me to the yard, but her invisible fence relegated me to the perimeter

2023-08-24 03:41:31

- reply

@npub135d…tg9k I know! I distinctly remember Cam’Ron selling shirts that said “fuck Giuliani” on the back, and anyone with a brain calling his dumb ass “broken windows” lore out as being horseshit. He’s been exposed as a fraud for a painfully long time.

2023-08-24 03:01:51

Every Politician Ever: I grew up in a town with four people. We had negative two stoplights. My parents both died before I was born. Despite this, I managed to read a Bible and gain sentience through the grace of God and Guy Fieri. God bless you and God bless our troops. Please donate $5.

2023-08-24 02:14:32

The sexual tension between Mike Pence and Vivek Ramaswamy is riveting

2023-08-24 01:33:25

I’ve had Fox News on for 30 minutes and have the uncontrollable urge to invest in gold and obtain a reverse mortgage

2023-08-23 23:07:36

- reply

@npub135d…tg9k it truly bothers me that New Yorkers had Rudy and Trump clocked for decades before the rest of the country did.

2023-08-23 20:56:34

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was releasing Rudy Giuliani’s mugshot right before dinner time

2023-08-23 19:20:46

If you would have told me 20 years ago that Rudy Giuliani would be arrested for felony charges, I would have said “hell yeah that guy fucking sucks ass”

2023-08-22 16:49:52

Live your life in such a way that Ronan Farrow does not write a profile about you

2023-08-21 20:18:24

Trump’s bond is set at $200,000, which equates to 266 years’ worth of federal income tax payments for him

2023-08-21 00:25:02

On a positive note, Pat Robertson isn’t around to blame these disasters on gay people anymore

2023-08-15 03:19:48

CNN: TRUMP INDICTED
MSNBC: TRUMP INDICTED
C-SPAN: TRUMP INDICTED
Fox News: Is The Barbie Movie Turning Our Wives Gay

2023-08-14 23:21:45

I hope his perp walk involves a staircase.

2023-08-11 19:37:26

Be kind, for everyone you meet may have had Taco Bell for lunch and is fighting a hard battle
-Plato

2023-08-07 18:03:39

My goal is to favorite everyone’s replies so quickly that they think I’m watching them

2023-08-07 12:50:17

Why are people paying good money for escape rooms when you can eat an edible and go to IKEA

2023-08-04 02:52:22

Speaking of viral toots, I’m glad Rudy Giuliani is getting what’s coming to him

2023-08-04 00:39:48

I can’t keep living this lie. In 1995, my t-shirt SAID ‘No Fear’ but I did, in fact, have some fear

2023-08-03 00:03:56

Fuckings Around & Co. went out of business when they were acquired by
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/822/752/359/254/663/original/56c22a78dae837b5.jpeg

2023-08-02 04:37:11

If I were to give advice to an aspiring politician, I think I’d have to start with “try not to foment an insurrection with the dumbest fucking people imaginable”

2023-08-02 03:12:26

It would be cool if they indicted Betsy DeVos just for funsies

2023-07-31 23:12:43

Starting an Arby’s-themed dating app named We Have The Meets

2023-07-31 13:42:58

Tesla's new supercomputer boasts 1.1 EFLOP, 1.3 TB SRAM, and 13 TB high-bandwidth DRAM.
Experts say it is mere months away from being powerful enough to help Elon Musk successfully locate the clitoris.
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/808/985/372/607/066/original/a7af19fd7edc7201.png

2023-07-30 22:45:32

Replace the Statue of Liberty with this 🗽
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/805/457/762/247/751/original/6855799683bab086.jpeg

2023-07-28 19:15:47

ⓘ This user is known to hang out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride

2023-07-27 23:34:21

With today’s new indictments taking over the news cycle, it’s important to not lose sight of the fact that Josh Hawley is a lil bitch

2023-07-27 12:57:11

When the headline begins “Mitch McConnell Freezes”, I’d prefer for it to end with “Solid” instead of “, Whisked Away By Handlers”

2023-07-22 21:47:15

we are beyond blessed to live in a moment where we can witness a mermaid movie and a barbie reboot deliver an absolute death blow to so many fragile men

2023-07-20 17:57:15

Relax your jaw.

2023-07-20 17:15:11

Try Shutting The Fuck Up In A Small Town (2023)

2023-07-18 19:09:14

If this gets four (4) likes, I will gently nudge Greg Abbott into the Rio Grande

2023-07-17 20:11:07

Weird drag name to pick, but OK
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/731/239/166/935/375/original/75c6a7ac4252bf11.jpeg

2023-07-17 03:18:13

this place isn't perfect but at least the Dilbert guy isn't here

2023-07-12 02:06:33

tbh Threads is pretty great because it's like Zuck threw out a juicy slab of meat for the brands to chew on while the rest of us enjoy normal, ad-free platforms.

2023-07-10 19:26:21

How about we play just the tip?
*she swivels tablet screen around to reveal 10%, 15%, 20% options*
*presses 20%, draws a squiggly line, taps ‘no receipt’, swivels tablet screen back to her*

2023-07-07 19:36:17

Canada also ruled that sending the 🍆 emoji is a Class A Felony
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/674/480/876/396/158/original/f44dc9dc7c02ac7d.jpeg

2023-07-07 01:29:52

If you were curious about whether the NRA was on Threads, posting snuff films, let me solve that riddle for you
https://media.mas.to/masto-public/media_attachments/files/110/670/202/558/463/485/original/4f4976ef8b716e4b.jpeg