puns
Puns

Public Key

npub1plk0vhd2yma08angaq2rxfdycxv6qs9kx30dgzsgv9xhmkzmrq3sllffh4

NIP-05 Address

puns@BitcoinNostr.com

NIP-57 Address

puns@getalby.com

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsqlm8ktk4zd7hn7e5ws9pnykjvrxdqgzmrghk5pgyxzntampd3sgcpp4mhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mqpzfmhxue69uhk7enxvd5xz6tw9ec82cset4fud

Publishing to

nos.lol

offchain.pub

Author Public Key

npub1plk0vhd2yma08angaq2rxfdycxv6qs9kx30dgzsgv9xhmkzmrq3sllffh4

Show more details

Last Notes

2025-05-06 22:25:20

BREAKING: The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.

2025-05-01 19:32:41

https://image.nostr.build/97feb249146dd0af5e050185fc0d454409de9bdc19b6aa6daa89e5eece445c6a.jpg

2025-04-05 21:35:27

People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.

2025-03-31 08:51:33

https://image.nostr.build/1d04a15cc230ad4ce833b6ed379ad6f524364d6e7f67bf67dd87eb8d3b842832.jpg

2025-03-28 16:38:52

What do you call a mouse that swears?
A cursor.

2025-03-24 22:40:04

https://image.nostr.build/ae6ce1cdbd2383d47a514a15e6ed94e40d4637cee46f097cff85e351e8481a50.jpg

2025-03-10 22:25:19

https://image.nostr.build/ea98093fa5535c249df47937c748d5b07ca211249dee01d687f2ab3c53600c13.jpg

2025-02-25 20:24:26

Last night I had a horrifying dream that Disco was actually making a comeback.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

2025-02-25 20:24:12

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.

2025-02-05 19:22:10

https://image.nostr.build/8d9f5be1a289d2e8fddc44e9ebbc2283b006a1ec1b6749e28d304fc4be28c313.jpg

2025-02-04 21:33:24

Me: What is an IV for?
Roman: Yes.

2025-02-01 08:16:16

Attempted to exercise this morning.
Didn't work out.

2025-01-29 21:58:31

A dragon would never explode.
A dino might.

2025-01-29 21:58:03

I went to a psychic.
I knocked on her front door.
She yelled: "Who is it?"
So l left.

2025-01-22 20:21:12

What’s the best present you can gift?
A broken drum.
Nobody can beat that.

2025-01-22 20:18:29

Elon Musk is launching a satellite as a peace offering to the aliens.
Apollo G.

2025-01-17 19:01:00

I call it an elevator, but my British friend calls it a lift.
I guess we were just raised differently.

2025-01-17 19:00:22

"What are your dogs' names?"
Me: "Calvin and Klein."
"Isn't that a brand of underwear?"
Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."

2025-01-06 23:59:24

What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?
It Hertz

2025-01-01 19:07:02

I've decided from January 1st I'll only be watching videos in 2160p or higher.
It's my New Year's Resolution.

2025-01-01 19:06:48

I remember 2024 like it was yesterday..

2024-12-30 00:24:38

I'm not a PETA guy or anything. But I do think it's pretty messed up that they make sweaters out of turtle necks.

2024-12-22 19:50:46

What does a politician do after he dies?
He lies still.

2024-12-22 19:50:16

What is wrong with political jokes?
They sometimes get elected.

2024-12-22 18:38:47

There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall.
Terrible king, but a great ruler.

2024-12-22 18:38:23

People are making apocalypse jokes..
like there's no tomorrow.

2024-12-15 23:48:33

A pun enters a room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.

2024-12-07 07:18:42

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
May divorce be with you.

2024-12-07 06:53:58

Santa never has to pay for parking.
It’s on the house.

2024-11-11 22:12:03

Why don’t governments embrace Bitcoin?
They hate the idea of a ‘Proof Of Work’.

2024-11-11 22:10:12

Mortal Kombat was actually based on a Scandinavian church song.
It was a Finnish hymn.

2024-11-11 22:09:44

My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.
He’s the Spokesman.

2024-11-11 15:53:52

https://image.nostr.build/506a6b8740ddb0ce1da749106451e97dc9796b9f14b849f3a89df0d6c1aaa4af.jpg

2024-11-03 13:14:35

Tap on the screen https://image.nostr.build/3cbb59af2fb042fcf2fa661fdc59b37d652bec5bdd4bf831830bb1f5b6da67ef.jpg

2024-11-03 10:07:42

Waiter: I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

2024-11-02 11:01:24

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed.
At first I was afraid .. then I was petrified.

2024-11-02 11:00:39

I’ve just joined a dating site for arsonists.
I’ve seen a lot of matches.

2024-10-31 23:09:06

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a
haunted house?
Because the ghosts will bring the boos.

2024-10-31 23:08:27

"What are your dogs' names?"
Me: "Calvin and Klein."
"Isn't that a brand of underwear?"
Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."

2024-10-28 13:51:19

I went to a wedding last week, everyone was emotional.
Even the cake was in tiers 😢

2024-10-28 13:36:01

I saw an ad for a casket and thought..
That's the last thing I need.

2024-10-27 20:40:42

Most people have no idea that the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.
It was an apple with very limited memory.
Just 1 byte and everything crashed.

2024-10-27 20:40:27

I tried to walk like an Egyptian…
Now I need to see a Cairo practor.

2024-10-27 20:38:27

It's hard to imagine some people actually like to collect old magazines.
They must have a lot of issues.

2024-09-21 22:25:21

https://image.nostr.build/20cb361427d39520add39a18412e105bc435bfa7147fa36b1f5ad70a8f951f5b.jpg

2024-09-17 14:35:24

Sorry for the long post. https://image.nostr.build/94fb2d32935be66683c3cca9523ac633a35a9e3e8597032f65dacd647ca4dbee.jpg

2024-08-29 17:46:07

My wife has a sexual fantasy where we pretend to be tax preparation corporations.
I'm Intuit.

2024-08-25 18:18:44

My pet frog broke his leg this morning..
He's very unhoppy.

2024-08-17 10:37:52

Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours.
So they called it a day.

2024-08-16 11:50:22

My girlfriend’s mobile phone service is terrible.
A week ago she said, "We're breaking up" and the call ended. Now when I call, it goes straight through to voicemail.

2024-07-30 06:41:16

Check the national debt: please don’t be high 🙏🏼
The national debt: https://image.nostr.build/b1b791e252cdbb6d5b248a75206a70bb704f2473f65ae785325a017fcdaec192.jpg

2024-07-25 18:35:40

Overthinking 💪🏼 https://image.nostr.build/f31bac76bb31030e6e1adbebe8b3eb9006c6d36c0e3c325f12223d40e8effff0.jpg

2024-07-22 20:23:25

Insurance companies are warning campers that if their tents are stolen during the night,
They won't be covered.

2024-07-21 22:19:45

LinkedIn is out of control https://image.nostr.build/9859853a521dda5990e2f2f213d13caa65b7c6f5a1c7dbae27082ac5fcc1e7a9.jpg

2024-07-19 10:03:46

Microsoft outage delays my flight. Regretting asking for a Windows seat.

2024-07-18 18:32:22

https://image.nostr.build/0d89b38fe774b2c681c6ec7195325acbc4eb4d80f666fae3ec0739783589aa81.jpg

2024-07-09 22:16:25

I changed my phone’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

2024-07-09 22:15:46

Why did the scarecrow get an award?
He was outstanding in his field.

2024-06-28 12:39:15

Why do people love switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

2024-06-28 10:41:06

I like both candidates but I think we need somebody older

2024-06-27 18:00:27

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s OK because I can stop at any time.

2024-06-27 17:58:09

What did the prescriptivist owl say?
Whom whom.

2024-06-27 15:48:04

https://image.nostr.build/bea18d1f5f0698f55b926184bea4586f79d231ba61d450beafb181baefdf56aa.jpg

2024-06-24 17:42:27

Just got this one bedroom apartment in NYC for only $3,000 a month https://image.nostr.build/85eff5efa4db3899c2eff36a9e5f1085c89df9ad2077077af2681dc325ed9214.jpg

2024-06-14 08:35:25

Airport police say that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is under control.
But cases continue to rise.

2024-06-12 22:04:56

https://image.nostr.build/e021f4ff3606d8cb09eb1d944ccbe1c9e221d5d08e039f21d1849b613a9c342b.jpg

2024-06-08 22:37:01

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings,
You know she’s a keeper.

2024-06-08 15:24:52

Regretfully, I’ve had to shut down my chicken dating site.
I just couldn't make hens meet.

2024-06-06 22:01:34

https://image.nostr.build/ed6d7ef5cdaed840a8423a8a66222059a93d88bc43afed72b3bdea3a3cd729ed.jpg

2024-06-06 14:11:21

A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.

2024-06-06 11:16:54

https://image.nostr.build/32c94dc5c1c9567d71c14b4a713d73b530136d41638df8042d68d0d40fcf3d23.jpg

2024-06-05 15:52:52

https://image.nostr.build/9c0278669a1846a9e93035b800436001b3e5fcd814d1caa7854cb3240c418820.jpg

2024-06-02 21:06:55

Damn that’s one tired elephant https://image.nostr.build/50b6315daec1e25e1b0038ec3c880ed7edbf8225b1a2cabf655d82283fef426c.jpg

2024-05-28 20:59:15

Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication?
For hispanic attacks.

2024-05-27 04:15:31

https://image.nostr.build/17efde7aa247b5014ad0b9f57a32db1790d62422eaf613c227dca63440905669.jpg

2024-05-25 13:33:48

- reply

I was wiped out.

2024-05-25 13:33:28

I've just had a stack of toilet paper rolls fall on me in the supermarket...
I'm ok though, just soft tissue damage.

2024-05-25 13:31:41

Getting hired for a tech job in 2024 is easy.
You just need to be better than the other 4,300 applicants.

2024-05-24 20:38:29

My kids just told me that I own every board game except one.
I had no Clue.

2024-05-24 20:10:35

I tried doing 100 sit-ups but I didn’t finish.
My stomach couldn’t handle that kind of ab use.

2024-05-15 22:24:56

I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit, but that’s just my two scents.

2024-05-14 22:29:05

My son’s fourth birthday was just the other day. When I saw him in the morning, I didn’t recognize him at first.
I had never seen him be four.

2024-05-09 10:00:28

What makes us human?
Selecting all images with traffic lights.

2024-05-04 16:19:32

Just when you think that food cannot possibly call you on your phone..
Onion rings.

2024-05-02 20:40:29

Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Times Square

2024-04-28 22:24:48

Extremely rare sneakers https://image.nostr.build/fd956f0c31938fc7b64477d313d7ab417473ca7ee3165e052479447d2850b384.jpg

2024-04-27 21:13:53

I told a joke on a Zoom Meeting and no one laughed.
It turns out I'm not remotely funny.

2024-04-17 05:15:30

When you start to Excel, people start to spreadsheet.

2024-04-11 16:52:51

I went to school for magicians but failed the final exam.
They were all trick questions.

2024-04-11 16:51:16

Why do fish always know how much they weigh?
Because they have their own scales

2024-04-02 15:47:56

What I if told you
You the read first line wrong?
Same the with second line
And also the third..

2024-03-31 18:47:16

Lance is an uncommon name nowadays.
But in medieval times people were named Lance a lot.

2024-03-31 18:46:10

For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour.
Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.

2024-03-23 09:54:12

3,026 years from today, life will either be really good or really bad.
It's 5050.

2024-03-23 09:53:51

Shout out to the people wondering what the opposite of in is

2024-03-17 16:35:26

ground beef https://image.nostr.build/8440d94a031477ae91f920db1a28473526123d14f177e6b5261a0de9d3bac139.jpg

2024-03-16 13:32:29

My friend just rejected cookies from a website because it's Ramadan

2024-03-14 22:41:33

It was so cold yesterday my computer froze.
It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open.

2024-03-14 22:40:37

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels.
She never knew I existed.

2024-03-14 22:40:03

[Walks into bookstore]
Me: Do you have any books on turtles?
Worker: Hard back?
Me: Yeah, with little heads.