Wilbur

Here for some laughs. Selective booster. I sometimes reply to toots.

Public Key

npub1n7a05kwklm66gyf605xwcxntguq2qytne6wt2wde554v2ulgk2wq0uf324

NIP-05 Address

Wilbur72_at_mastodon.social@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsflwh6t8t0aadyzya86r8vrf45wq9qz9eua8948xu622k9w05t98qprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wdmksetjv5hxxmmdr6ufq7

Publishing to

relay.noswhere.com

Author Public Key

npub1n7a05kwklm66gyf605xwcxntguq2qytne6wt2wde554v2ulgk2wq0uf324

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Last Notes

2024-05-30 22:06:17

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@npub1tel…4v4v Nice

2024-05-22 22:37:53

I’m sitting in the family room with my two teens. One is doing schoolwork and the other is reading a book. Neither are on their phone.
What in the name of everything holy is going on ?!?!? 🙀

2024-05-14 12:48:38

My doctor said a banana a day would help clean my colon.
Apparently I was supposed to eat them.

2024-04-10 16:25:57

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother

2024-04-05 22:11:22

I’ll drink to that 🍻
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/220/901/605/901/390/original/b3c80e98c61331bd.jpeg

2024-03-31 22:07:55

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@npub13rw…nfd8 🙌 ❤️

2024-03-30 13:51:33

Don’t take a 1-legged man to IHOP, that’s just wrong

2024-03-30 00:35:30

Minor faux pas
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/181/832/935/737/543/original/bbc5c2eb473ee2c2.jpeg

2024-03-18 19:38:10

Aww…poor Donny boy can find any new suckers to pay his $464M bond. (sad trombone)

2024-03-13 14:39:53

Sure…”self inflicted” 😉
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/112/088/893/657/013/973/original/2c78ae363801bbc8.jpeg

2024-02-19 02:04:44

Working with a company to produce toilet paper with Trump’s face on every square.

2024-01-12 19:18:03

I’ve never understood the expression “silly goose”.
If you’ve ever encounter a goose you know they are anything but silly.

2023-11-09 21:51:46

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@npub16uw…aj3x probably

2023-11-09 16:55:47

It’s always “MAN overboard “
Apparently women are born with something that keeps them from falling off ships.

2023-11-04 03:31:41

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@npub10xg…h39u @npub1mhd…73wz My 16G did

2023-11-01 16:20:31

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@npub18fk…yjzv True but they weren’t getting coverage prior to the Hamas attack, either.

2023-10-29 13:52:41

I quit my personal trainer job.
Gave them my too weak notice.

2023-10-25 15:52:45

Everyone:
NFL fans: My fantasy football team one

2023-10-20 13:22:19

Kinda mad I didn’t think of that
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/267/551/759/464/233/original/3e58921be529b4ac.jpeg

2023-09-26 16:36:15

Say what now??
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/111/132/418/833/309/185/original/45fd8910548b6381.jpeg

2023-09-15 01:25:11

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@npub10xg…h39u try it bud

2023-09-14 21:27:39

Dies anyone else butter corn on the cob by first buttering a piece of bread, and then rolling the corn in the bread? Works like a charm.

2023-09-12 21:17:59

When I’m at the dentist I pretend that I’m a secret agent being waterboarded for information.

2023-09-12 01:51:19

I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all named Zach Wilson

2023-09-10 14:09:42

Good morning to everyone who’s name doesn’t rhyme with ‘Strump’

2023-09-07 14:00:41

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@npub1u7z…n5e4 @npub1zpc…l3up 🙌🎉

2023-09-06 16:26:39

Me: I’d like a book about Shakespeare
Librarian: Which one?
Me: William

2023-09-04 00:33:02

I’m probably violating some sort of man code by drinking 🍷 while watching college football.

2023-09-03 02:37:52

I am…inebriated.

2023-09-02 01:24:29

Why are all psychics “mediums”? You’d think some would be small or large.

2023-09-02 00:49:02

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@npub1l98…3zgy bourbon

2023-09-02 00:20:54

Another rockin Friday night drinking on the couch 🥳

2023-08-30 14:18:02

Mood:
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/978/993/367/074/761/original/30cfe0187c058c0f.jpeg

2023-08-30 00:27:54

An hour into Equalizer 2 and Denzel hasn’t killed anyone yet, wtf.

2023-08-29 15:20:51

It is critical to master the art of appearing busy at work…while accomplishing practically nothing.

2023-08-28 14:23:42

Pro tip: leave the toilet out of the background of your selfie

2023-08-23 14:07:54

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@npub17du…45s4 my lucky day

2023-08-21 16:46:55

Some people age like fine wine.
I’m aging like deviled eggs left out in the sun.

2023-08-19 14:40:19

People who are still looking for Bigfoot shouldn’t be allowed to vote.

2023-08-17 14:13:39

Not a joke, true story.
My buddies 20 yr old daughter just got Botox injected into her throat …because she couldn’t burp.
Can’t make this shit up.

2023-08-17 12:50:22

Good morning
I’ve got nothing right now, will try again later.

2023-08-17 00:14:42

- reply

@npub1hj9…fr6v You can do it!

2023-08-15 13:07:15

All-hands meeting
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/893/781/291/820/608/original/0d6cb4d8b4cccf86.jpeg

2023-08-15 00:21:33

Who ever put ‘job’ in the word ‘blowjob’ really screwed it up for the rest of us.
How about ‘blowfun ‘ or ‘blowrelax’ instead? 🤷🏼‍♂️

2023-08-14 14:00:27

This sh!t again?
0/10 DNR

2023-08-13 19:44:41

Geez, thanks Einstein.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/884/018/906/490/599/original/7dad9488ca3c02dc.jpeg

2023-08-11 18:25:47

A golf selfie is called a golfie
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/872/385/412/131/922/original/cfd7989669a3b491.jpeg

2023-08-11 18:05:44

I really stroked that one
(golf sext)

2023-08-09 16:24:55

I’ll be out on my deck celebrating #winewednesday 🍷 in 6.58 hours.
Not that I’m counting.

2023-08-09 15:51:41

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@npub1wl6…8zu5 Shoulda run them off the road

2023-08-08 15:18:34

Apparently I am now my wife’s sexual advisor.
She told me that if she wants my fucking advice, she’ll ask for it.

2023-08-06 16:33:14

Any other residences have 3 coffee drinkers and 26 coffee mugs?

2023-08-05 19:35:28

This pizza, beer, and burrito diet I’m on hasn’t achieved the desired results.

2023-08-05 02:37:56

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@npub17du…45s4 😁

2023-08-04 22:21:38

I really need to shower but I don’t want to get off the couch.
Quick, someone invent a shower couch.

2023-08-04 12:52:46

The existence of urine strongly suggests the presence of urout.

2023-08-04 00:09:41

Are you ready for some football?
#NFL

2023-08-02 14:45:50

I wonder if that’s part of the Sunday School lesson.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/820/555/891/336/197/original/7292cbe97d7fad12.jpeg

2023-08-01 22:34:14

Some of us still appreciate the classics.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/110/816/738/188/019/431/original/8fe5e15f1e8d488f.jpeg

2023-08-01 13:25:31

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@npub1krc…68qh You had me at “slathered”

2023-07-14 01:22:37

Someone needs to still be up drinking, might as well be me.

2023-07-07 14:23:10

The wife just called me a procrastinator so I’m going to wait 15 minutes before I respond.

2023-07-05 18:51:50

Why is it always a ‘hot mess’? Pretty sure things can be cold and messy, too.

2023-06-25 20:05:31

Pool beers rank second behind beach beers, and ahead of deck/patio beers.

2023-06-17 13:55:01

Manager: Why should I hire you to be a waiter?
Me: I bring a lot to the table.