Rosalín

Accessibility lead/ Lead UX tester for an online education platform. Formerly of Apple, where I was an accessibility trainer. Cult survivor; currently writing my memoir. In it, I tell the story of using the internet to get help and break free of a cult over a 20-year period. Living happily with my partner Chris in Colorado. Tech enthusiast. Accessible cook. Empath. Legally blind. Neurodivergent with autistic tendencies. ME/CFS patient.

Public Key

npub1g2gp6yyg7hahjz4c0453t357e4wyjplquzqh88m480znuz4c8fhqy46gsd

NIP-05 Address

SingingNala_at_dragonscave.space@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsy9yqazzy0t7mep2u866g4c60v6hzfqlswpqtnna6nh3f7p2ur5mspzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumn0wd68ytnzv9hxgqgcwaehxw309aex2mrp0yhxummnwa5x2un99e3k7mgk349yp

Publishing to

relay.nostr.band

relay.noswhere.com

relay.mostr.pub

Author Public Key

npub1g2gp6yyg7hahjz4c0453t357e4wyjplquzqh88m480znuz4c8fhqy46gsd

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Last Notes

2024-03-23 22:44:21

From my server bestie on r/exjw Discord:
'For jws, Mormons, and other niche groups that do it, d2d is not about making converts. It's a brainwashing technique to reinforce that outsiders are bad. You tell members to isolate from outsiders, but send them to interact with non members in a way that is very important for the believer but annoying or even offensive for non members, so the cult member gets constant rejection from the people outside and then encouragement from the other members they are with. Repeat over and over it it really drives home how awful worldly people are.'
Follow up comments from me: Jex is a former cult leader, and so am I. We both served at a local community level, but we also have an extensive operational and procedural understanding of how our cult works because of our interactions with or at world headquarters. As such, we often banter about the effect of cults with new server members. Let's expound on his above comment, because Jex's comment assumes cult term familiarity.
D2d stands for door-to-door (ministry). This can also be refered to by other Christian sects as ministry or proselitizing work. If you are doing work that your cult is asking you to do, and nonbelievers see your approach as overbearing, of course you are going to constantly experience rejection. It's how the cult conversion process is designed to work. Cult leaders know that they will see more rejection than not during d2d work, and they train their members to expect it. But d2d is critical for maintaining behavioral compliance among members. So the next time you think of being rude to a religious door knocker, please just remember that when you are rude to the person at your door, you're only reenforcing the brainwashing technique's goal and effect. Due to your negative interaction, the brainwashed cult victim will continue believing that all nonbelievers are bad. And that's a poor way to treat anyone who is brainwashed. We all have our bad days, and being annoyed at door knockers is completely valid. Just, if you can be polite, you're at least not adding to the cult victim's problem and current state of mind wiring.
Thanks for reading.
Nala Rosalin

2024-03-20 20:01:56

Wow. From r/exjw Discord:
this is amazing. someone reverse engineered the McDonalds api to make a site that maps every McDonalds and shows if the ice-cream machine is broken or working. https://mcbroken.com/
mcbroken
is the mcdonald's ice cream machine broken?

2024-03-15 16:15:08

My biggest reason for switching from my iPad to my desktop? Combo boxes that refuse to work with Voiceover, even when using Chrome. When will accessibility for mobile be as good as a computer? I just want to be able to use my phone and iPad the way my sighted friends do. Level playing field. Why does that have to be so hard? As an accessibility professional, I know the answers. That doesn't make these feelings of dismay go way.

2024-03-15 15:17:48

Well good morning, pnw birds. I was looking for ya. I kept hearing seagulls, and those remind me of Nor Cal. I heard crows; those remind me of the midwest. But my pnw birds were hiding. This morning, they are singing again. It feels like home. Home being WA. I've been enjoying Philipino coffee, courtesy of Hannah. It's so good, and I'm so glad Simon was able to bring some back to the states. We've also been munching on Tim bits, which are munchkin-sized donuts. Happy Friday to all.

2024-03-13 14:17:29

Chronic health patient friends: I was accused of not showering in someone else's home. In reality, I was sink bathing instead of showering as needed when I could not safely stand in the shower. Have you ever been accused of not bathing when using alternative cleansing methods such as sink bathing or hygenic wipes? If so, how did you handle these conversations in a way that wasn't awkward for you? #Mecfs

2024-03-12 13:51:05

Just paid $157 for 2-day international shipping with UPS because I accidentally left my airPods max at someone's house in the US. I had the money to eat the cost, but my brain hurts when considering that price. Years ago, I sent a laptop, valued at around the same price, to my friend Kyle. Now, granted, it was going from New Jersey to New York State, but I only paid $20 for that shipment. The cheapest I could have spent to ship and insure an international shipment of $600 was $97. Ow. That'll teach me to not forget anything in the US when crossing the border. Just, ow ow ow. That shipping. Wow.

2024-02-04 14:08:06

Thank you, Abby. Here's what she says in a post I was unable to boost due to privacy settings:
@npub1ay9…tpgl And not only speaking as your friend, but also speaking as a trained and cleared crisis counselor, I performed assessments of your mental health from November 2023 to present, and I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have been stable. You have not been psychotic, you have not been irrational, and a psych ward is not where you belong. What you needed was a stable and supportive environment. It simultaneously breaks my heart and absolutely infuriates me how the people who were supposed to keep you safest during all of this have seem to turn against you. You don’t deserve that.

2024-02-04 13:17:44

I have had head pain for three days now. Maybe I should stop drinking so much coke and coffee and drink some water. Plural re-integration is hard. Alexi drinks coke. Annelise drinks coffee. Katie vapes. And none of the aliases are thinking to drink water. Oh joy. Brain code is interesting when you wire yourself this way to keep safe and you don't need this brain safety code anymore. Morning all.

2024-01-27 14:25:48

Abby has a different version of the Pax than me. But her Pax takes the same charger as mine. So, now I know which charger to buy. Score! I've tried out a few different vapes since I've been here. And I love all of them. She has cool accessories too. This house is a stoner girl's dream. Thanks Abbs! Love you!

2024-01-11 00:12:15

As it turns out, I have PTSD. It's nice to finally put a name to the list of symptoms I've been experiencing. I feel so validated right now. I apologize if I scared anyone. That said, what I have learned from this is that the best results for mental health care come when we follow our safety plan. Not someone else's. Thanks to those who have supported my safety plan. For anyone who was unable to do so due to lack of understanding, you are forgiven. Go in peace.
Rosalin

2023-12-26 03:47:46

Merry Christmas to me. Christopher's parents got me a Hable braille keyboard for Christmas. It's a pocket-sized braille keyboard that works on iOS and Android. I couldn't be happier with this gift. Hope all who celebrate had a great Christmas.

2023-11-25 15:06:26

I just got done talking to a cult victim who believed they could not run away without their important documents. If you are in the US and are in an unsafe environment due to cult, intimate partner or family based violence and wish to leave your situation, let me be clear:
* Your social security card can be replaced for only a few dollars. I had to do this. The process was pretty painless, in my experience.
* For lost birth certificates, contact the issuing state. So, if you're in Colorado but you were born in New York, contact New York. A replacement birth certificate is only a few dollars.
* Replacement copies of passports aren't super cheap, but you can use your ID to file for a replacement. Replacement copies are cheaper than original copies.
* If you have your social security card, birth certificate, and proof of residency, that's generally enough to get a new ID if you move to a new state.
* If you are missing documents, state offices are pretty good about telling you how to get what you're missing.
* You do *not* need to stay in an unsafe situation purely because an unsafe person is holding your important documents hostage.
* Abusers would like us to believe that replacing our important documents is hard. As a cult run-away, I'm here to say, please don't believe anyone who tells you this.
* If you need to run away and need help with a safety or escape plan, please call 988 to be directed to a resource appropriate to your given situation.
* You are not alone. Organizations are out there to help people who need to leave, people just like you and me. From one run-away to another, you can do this. I believe in you.
* Lastly, please remember to stay safe while planning your escape. Remember, what can't be done today can be done tomorrow. If you're caught, you will have to adapt on the fly. Save yourself the trouble and think smart to stay safe during your planning phase.
Good luck to you,
Rosalin

2023-11-14 21:25:24

My first girl kiss was when I was sixteen. It was with a girl named Kelsie. (All names will be changed for my actual book unless information is obviously public.) Anyway, when Mum found out I'd hooked up with a girl, she slapped me in the face and grounded me for two months. I listened to a lot of music during this time to help me feel less traumatized. This song reminds me of that time, grounded for two months just because I had feelings for another woman.
https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/1nttotrqo2eav3otazhqk/Soap-This-Is-How-We-Party-3.mp3?rlkey=q7xxtqgnfu7wwqg5b1yqb6ty4&dl=0

2023-11-12 18:19:19

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@npub1cxy…vryr I am so not up on new Trek. Voyager is my favorite series, but ds9 is near and dear to my heart. It's just got so much there to get into.

2023-11-12 18:10:17

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@npub1cxy…vryr You had me at Star Trek and witchcraft. Two of my favorite topics.

2023-10-04 00:32:39

This thought helped me as an adult disabled run-away: If people dislike you anyway, might as well be yourself. It's not worth jumping through hoops just to be liked. The best friendships happen when people interact organically. Have a great evening, everyone.

2023-09-30 23:06:26

Really, Walmart? Changing my order from a delivery to a curb-side pick-up? How presumptuous. Not everyone is able to drive. Not everyone is lazy because we requested grocery home delivery. Some of us are disabled, chronically ill, or we are in poor health. Some of us can't leave our homes for legitimate reasons. The least you can do is call people and make sure it is within their circumstances to complete a curb-side pick-up.
No love,
The marginalized folks you serve

2023-09-22 02:58:14

Blew off a dinner date night to have some me time. Not mad at anyone. It's just, after a taxing week, I'm not looking to make small talk with an Uber driver, navigate an unfamiliar environment, trap myself in a booth, interact with a waitstaff stranger, and patiently make small talk while I wait for food. That just doesn't sound like the best use of my self care time. Self care time is recharge time. All of that just sounds taxing. My partner was like, are you mad at me? I said, no. I'm good. I'm just vaping and watching Grey's. Not everyone understands that any invitation to an outing is subject to a cost benefit analysis for me. If I'm already feeling taxed, I try not to take on any activities which involve unnecessary small talk or too many unfamiliar variables.

2023-09-21 02:17:53

Running out of pain patches. Wow, that wasn't very long. But, my muscles are thanking me. Tonight, it's my upper back and shoulders. The pain doesn't bother me. It's just, stabbing. It's like, oh hello. There you are, pain points. My whole upper back is stinging right now, but, the pain has significantly lessened. #Mecfs

2023-09-17 18:46:07

Happy Sunday to me. Today, I’m silently celebrating the ability to use my real name online. If I ever get shunned, maybe I’ll change it. But my birth name is so pretty. I’m happy with the name I was given at birth. Also thankful that my true friends understand my need for online safety aliases given the tracking, stalking, and harassment I’ve experienced online. I got a message from my high school teacher turned lifelong mentor. He is openly queer and living happily with his partner. I said, yes, Mr. L. It’s me. I’m using my real name because thankfully, my family never publicized my real name to people who weren’t safe.

2023-09-17 01:35:22

I’ve been asked to take over my water bill as a tenant from my landlord with virtually no information. This is frustrating to me. It appears that the sighted person who relayed that we got a notice about a water bill on our door, didn’t think we actually needed the paper because we’re blind. And Chris is used to being paperless, so he said nothing. I just explained to my person, I can’t pay this bill without an account number. The water company isn’t open on weekends. So, I’m going to call on Monday and *hope* the company doesn’t also assume I have a paper that was never given to me, and that they’ll give an account number to some rando over the phone when the account may not even be in my name. There are four possible names that could be on that account, four different sets of account info, between the landlords, my partner, and myself. I’m good at dealing with ambiguity, but the assumption that I don’t need information because it’s in paper print really bothers me as a legally blind person. You need paper information to set up accounts. I could have had a talking camera read the notice to me. I could have called Aira, or Be My Eyes. By just, assuming that blind people don’t want printed information, this well-meaning person gave me needlessly incomplete information. Now I’m going to have to potentially explain that I’m blind and the notice never got to me. When, in actuality, it did. Some sighted person just, assumed I didn’t need it. The company didn’t corner me into this position. A sighted friend did.

2023-09-15 01:53:27

Re: My last boost. I have three signature dishes: rice and gandul beans with pork shoulder ribs, Mexican chicken casserole, and diner level mac and cheese, with or without hot dogs. These are the three dishes that get asked for the most where I am concerned. If any of you would like recipes, ping me.

2023-09-14 03:08:05

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@npub1g2d…83a0 I just want to exist and not hurt other people simply by existing.

2023-09-12 23:47:50

Here's a sample of my personal voice. No, it does not include an air conditioner. It's just hot in my office today. :P
https://media.dragonscave.space/media_attachments/files/111/054/843/771/115/890/original/262caa0550cb4d70.mp3

2023-09-12 21:25:02

I fell in love with this track after hearing it on an early season of Grey's Anatomy. I'm a sucker for covers. But this took a happy-go-lucky track and gave the lyrics the seriousness they deserve.
'Because your kiss, your kiss, is on my list, because your kiss, your kiss, I can't resist...'
The Family Crest | Kiss on My List (Hall & Oates Cover)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xiadPq0oSo

2023-09-12 20:58:01

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@npub1h9g…fk3l You can only take the true Myers Briggs assessment if you pay for it. Other free tests are based on the MBTI. But since they weren't made by that same company, it's hard to vouch for their level of accuracy. :(

2023-09-12 04:39:48

Posting this in the 10 o'clock hour of 9/11, mountain time. Seeing posts on 9/11 reminds me that I used to call my mother every year on this day of the year. I didn't call her this year, because calling her, in my honest opinion, would have done more harm than good. She can't accept that her daughter is queer. I got tired of lying to my mother about my sexual orientation just to gain her approval. She doesn't approve of my boyfriend, my choice to live in Colorado, or my choice to pursue higher education in general. But, today is not about me. Thinking of all those who were in New York on 9/11/2001. As the daughter of a survivor, I saw the personal toll that surviving that day took on my mother. 9/11 survivors, I have not forgotten your struggle. Not for one single moment. My not calling my mom this year is not because I have forgotten. It is because my mother is a cult victim whose behavior has taken everything out of me that I can offer to help her. I am still here for all of you in spirit, those who survived and those of you who were there to experience the upheaval of New York City, and the coming together, firsthand. Sending sympathy to everyone who was there or nearby that day.

2023-09-03 04:53:50

Garlic mashed potatoes with baked beans and pork chops for dinner tonight. Everything tasted like home. That's how Christopher and I describe things to each other that enhance our feeling of 'heart home'. Hope everyone enjoyed their Saturday.

2023-08-25 19:14:45

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@npub1gaj…78dz Awesome. What are you teaching them?

2023-08-25 19:14:45

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@npub1gaj…78dz Awesome. What are you teaching them?

2023-08-25 04:40:12

Sometimes it amazes me how my family thinks they need to parent what I post on social media. I may be a cult survivor, but I studied communication in college. I know what is and isn't appropriate on social media. I spread awareness of issues people don't often like to confront: ablism, massoginy, shunning, human rights violations. I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea, bio family. Get over it. Now, where was I in Time Crest? Time to refill my vape. *sip*

2023-08-24 23:12:16

Post Excerpt:
Even in involuntary psych, sighted patients still have some rights:
* You guys can read in a psych ward.
* You can write, including journaling.
* You can draw or color.
* You can tell time by means of the clock on the wall.
* You can consult paper where you may have written down important phone numbers and call people, even without access to your address book.
I want to be clear that staying in a psych ward itself is not the thing that upsets me most. It's that a Denver crisis counselor, due to a misunderstanding, recommended a course of treatment that put me at a disadvantage in comparison to sighted counterparts. My boyfriend thought there was something wrong with me, so I committed to staying in a ward for evaluation purposes. But think about this. When a parent punishes a child, that child at least has access to reading, writing, journaling, drawing, coloring, and consulting an address book for important phone numbers.
When this mental health professional, Amanda, from a Denver crisis center, did not identify herself as a mental health professional, she did not build trust with me. But, I decided to trust her when she recommended in-patient treatment because my boyfriend was telling me this is where I should be. My reward for trusting my boyfriend and a psych professional who never built trust with me was inaccurate records, wrongful interrogation about my supposedly suicidal thoughts for three days, and a suicide tank experience that is about the level of what we give to prisoners in the US. As a blind person, I was stripped of affordances that every other person in that ward had access to.
...
Respectfully, I know some of you who work in the mental health field will defend crisis counselor Amanda's authority to commit me based on her flashy master's degree. But here are the facts.
* When Amanda recommended involuntary in-patient treatment, I did not want to harm myself.
* I did not want to harm anyone else.
* My religion makes me feel mentally unsafe, but that has no bearing on my ability to function in the present. I was committed for discussing feelings which were based on past experiences.
* This experience has caused me to hate crisis centers and in-patient psych. I have 0 respect for these places, and I will tell my disabled friends that they should be scared if they end up in a place like the one I was taken to, based on my personal experiences.
* I don't trust any psych professional who offers me in-person help based on my experience.
* My partially sighted friend had a drastically different experience at the same in-patient ward. Why? Because she could see well enough to read, write, tell time, journal, draw, color, and consult a paper for any phone numbers she had written down. That's seven more affordances that a legally blind friend of mine had access to that I didn't.
https://www.annathebrain.me/2023/08/a-blind-psych-ward-experience-blowing.html

2023-08-14 20:01:15

On Masto, there are three ways to like something:
* Bookmarks: Like something without telling anyone else you like it.
* Favorites. Send someone a virtual ping to let them know you like something.
* Boosting. Sends a virtual ping to the author. Lets your followers know that post is worth reading. Shows the post to any server with which your instance federates.
Every time I view a post, I think, who should know I like this post. Just me? The post author? Or everyone I follow? That helps me determine which of the three classifiable like actions I should choose.

2023-08-11 23:49:20

Imagine that every day you interact with the world, every person you speak to, even in person, doesn't interact with you. Instead, everyone you meet engages with a real life avatar of your own making. Some people get the real you, but even that, is encased in a figurative avatar, so that it can be suppressed around unsafe people. But most people get a subpersona, with body language facial expressions, and even different tech to match. Pluralism is part of my memory suppression strategy. IE, hide a memory in the Alexi avatar so that Leah, the dutiful, well-behaved cult avatar, would never react to a memory stored in Alexi. Re-integration has meant tapping into memories stored in different avatars. Think of each avatar as having a subset of memories and a general default demeanor. IE, Alexi is intillectual, but Abby and Kristen specialize in small talk and networking respectively. Annelise is the avatar who went to college. College level critical thinking and fundamentalist sects do not mix very well, so Annelise's memory subset would never interact with Leah's. Cassie, named for one of my favorite cousins, is the info dumping avatar. She loves sharing accessibility and AI related gems.
Why pluralism as part of my memory suppression strategy? Because, when you are born into a fundamentalist sect which includes an isolating subculture, you realize from a young age that you must play dumb to survive within this system. Because the people who appear to know more are questioned. And the people who appear to know less are minimized, ignored, but most of all, people who play dumb are not pressured to do more and give more to what can feel like an isolated subculture.
So which preset carries my real, true thoughts and opinions? I named her Alexi, after a character in Rent and a girl I went to high school with. But, Alexi does not carry intense feelings or painful memories. True feelings and strong emotions are contained within the Leora avatar, named for a girl I met in college and adored. Childhood memories are stored in Caitlin, named to match Corona's name and also because my sister-cousin's daughter is named Caitlin. Painful memories are stored in the Emily avatar, named for a girl my mom used to have indoctrination chats with. Nala stores the memories which ground me as a whole person. Kelly-anne stores family memories, named for the southern comfort feeling I get when interacting with my chosen family.
If you ever feel like something I am writing doesn't match what you know of me, it may be because a given trend or pattern does not match with the plural entity/avatar you knew as Rose. IE, many of my Mastodon followers used to interact with Cassie. But Clark-dad and Julie, my online parents, interacted mainly with Alexi.
When communicating with others, I tap into all my memory presets these days. This can lead to strong feelings or emotions, but that's a natural part of the healing process.

2023-08-08 21:38:48

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@npub1cxy…vryr As I edge closer to 40, I care less and less about who might crawl out of the wood work. Because, there's this beautiful thing called the block button. As long as you speak your truth while respecting others, I see no problem with that.

2023-08-04 18:14:16

Narrator announces when my Surface laptop's fn key is locked or not. Why can't NVDA or Jaws do this? I mean, the simple answer is that Narrator was built by Microsoft, who also designed this laptop. So it only makes sense that Narrator would have this capability. I just wish other screen readers had the technical hook-in ability to be able to detect your fn lock state.

2023-07-06 22:38:25

Yesterday, Christoper handed me a package. I didn't think much of it, because I'd recently ordered a few daily essentials from Amazon. I was feeling a bit depressed yesterday, so I stuffed the package under my bed. Or rather, I did until it was 'upstairs time.' That's what we call it when we migrate from Chris's downstairs office to the bedroom upstairs. This happens an hour or two before sleep.
Chris: So, did you open my package?
Me: Your package? I thought that was the eye wash I ordered.
Chris, smiling and gleeful: Your eye wash. Really? Noooo. Lol. You should open the package I gave you earlier today.
Me: Oh, it's a jewelry box. Pretty. :)
Me: *feels a rectangular piece of jewelry and notices there is braille on it* It, says I love you.
Chris: I wanted it to know that I loved it. So I told it.
Me: *squeals and melts* Okay, so it's jewelry. What is it?
Chris, happily: It's a pendant! Meow.
Me: Okay, I know what a pendant is, but what is this one meant to go on?
Chris: A necklace.
Me: Awwwww. Thank you!
Honestly, it's the first piece of jewelry I've gotten from a partner. Unless you count the wedding ring, and that is a necessity so people know you're married. Unfortunately, my ex-husband took all my jewelry from me as I was trying to run away. I don't even know that I have a necklace to put this pendant on. But, I didn't feel like that was the time to mention a sad memory. I didn't want to dampen the joy. Guess it's time for me to find a necklace to accompany this pendant.

2023-07-04 20:16:44

Most of us are looking for that special someone who thinks that spending a lifetime with us is a good idea. Maybe they say we complete them. Maybe you find someone whose presence you begin to long for, crave. Either way, Most of us would like to think that our current relationship will be our last one, the one that will stick, the one that will last a lifetime.
But the truth is, relationships are just as much about sustainability as they are about love. If relationships could be saved based on love alone, I'd still be Mrs. W and not Ms. W. Unfortunately, when one or both people are not on top of their mental health, relationships can go from wonderful to unsustainable. And that change can happen in such a subtle manner that you miss it.
All that said, it is my hope for all my loved ones and all my online buddies that the partnership you have chosen for yourself is one that will be your last, one that will sustain you until the end of days or hopefully even the end of time, if that's what you both want. But if you decide to part, if you decide to take on someone new, I hope that whoever this person is treats you better than your best partner ever did. Because the goal of dating or otherwise exploring compatibility is meant to get you closer and closer to that goal of finding your ideal life mate. Find that person who makes you think, 'If I had it my way, I'd never be without you again.' Or, maybe you're like me and you enjoy your bouts of solitude. If that's you, find the person whose presence you crave. Find the person who makes you go, I could be alone, but I'd rather be with you.

2023-06-09 19:47:18

We have the best Kitters a blind couple could ever have! 😁 So Chris shut my office door when he saw the cat sleeping on my papasan chair. That way the cat wouldn't accidentally scamper out into the backyard while he's doing laundry or tending the garden. I came into the office and shut the door, knowing Chris had probably shut it for backyard stuff. I heard the cat meowing, but he was standing by the papasan chair, and he wasn't moving very much. So I felt the seat portion of the papasan chair and found his collar on it. I felt his neck, and his neck was bare. He meowed again, as if to say, 'Yes Mommy. It came off.' Then he began to pur. He continued purring while this blind mom fiddled with the collar to see how it goes back on. I'd never put Kitters' collar on before. Apparently it snaps. He stayed nice and still while Mom fastened his collar. We told him what a good boy he is. Without the bell collar, we are unable to hear him when he moves around the house. I can see him when there is light, as he is all black. But that's not always enough for me to track his movements. So to me, standing still and handing me his neck was the most wonderful, adorable, obedient thing Kitters could have done. I'm melting with love.

2023-06-01 23:06:14

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@npub1gaj…78dz Have you tried out Duo Lingo? I'm finding that it's helping me keep practicing my Spanish. Since I don't really have Spanish-speaking friends here in Colorado.