Col

Midlands, UK. Humour, art and interesting stuff. Posts may not all be original. I follow most views without endorsement and I unfollow most non followers. If I follow you it's because I've boosted or favourited a post of yours or you of mine, if you're not happy with that - block me, I'm far too busy to check or care. I block those who argue on here. Ex Cop. LCFC.

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Last Notes

2024-09-28 07:35:14

During Monet’s lifetime, Brits weren’t much impressed by his paintings of London, says Mark Hudson in The Independent. The Courtauld Gallery’s new exhibition of 21 paintings from the impressionist’s visit to the capital in 1899 shows just how wrong we were. The artist was bemused that British painters didn’t appreciate the thing he found most interesting about the city – the toxic fog that formed an “envelope” around its landmarks, as he put it – and was determined to do it justice.

2024-09-12 06:41:24

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

2024-08-18 19:09:01

I try very hard to contain my anger, but the lid just keeps popping off.

2024-08-11 20:08:14

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Weird! ☹️

2024-07-31 07:50:13

I asked my mate to pass me the phone book. He laughed, called me a dinasour and handed me his iPhone.
Well, the bug is dead, and so is the iPhone now!

2024-07-10 07:15:39

I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking about making a few more.

2024-07-10 07:14:48

On a hot day like the other day someone reported him for walking around the garden in underwear.
Admittedly it wasn't his underwear - or his garden!

2024-07-09 12:46:54

Here is a simple puzzle almost everyone gets wrong, says Alex Bellos in The Guardian. There are two ducks in front of two ducks, two ducks behind two ducks and two ducks in between. What is the minimum number of ducks? (Don't worry I'll post the answer in a bit.)

2024-07-09 12:27:18

Unbelievably, to me, at least American gun owners in three states can now buy bullets from vending machines, says The Daily Telegraph. Ammo-buyers in Alabama, Oklahoma and Texas can simply walk up to the automatic kiosks, scan their ID, and select their preferred rounds on a touchscreen. The firm that makes them says the machines are “as easy to use as an ATM”, and accessible “24/7, ensuring that you can buy ammunition on your own schedule”.

2024-07-09 06:46:22

His wife tripped and fell while carrying a basket full of ironed clothes.
All he did was stand there and watch it all unfold.

2024-07-08 14:42:45

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Not in the UK, where some kids can barely master English! 😃

2024-07-08 13:39:49

Just 7,000 British teenagers studied A-level French this year, says The Sunday Times, down from 22,700 in 1996. Partly as so many French teachers left the UK after Brexit, but also a wider trend in which kids are shunning languages and arts in favour of those they feel will lead to well-paid careers. More than 101,000 students sat maths A-level this year, for example, while 76,130 took psychology and 43,410 did history. French fell out of the top 10 way back in 1997, and is now down to 25th.

2024-07-06 08:34:50

She woke up with a headache this morning, so she got out bed and left him there.

2024-07-05 12:24:46

Labour has won a “sandcastle majority”, James Kanagasooriam told Tortoise. “It might look impressive, but it could easily be swept away.” Starmer won 64% of the seats with just 34% of the overall vote – a record low for a British prime minister – and just 1.6 percentage points more than Jeremy Corbyn won in 2019. “But for the rise of the Labour Party in Scotland,” where the SNP lost almost all its seats, says John Curtice, “we would be reporting that basically Labour’s vote has not changed.

2024-07-05 11:40:13

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As long as they do a good job they can be any colour I suppose.

2024-07-05 07:39:18

Is it just me, or do we have too many political parties in the UK? After all, we're running out of colours to represent them. We've already moved on from Blue to add Light Blue too. Yellow and Gold as well. We will be using Ultramarine and Dijon yellow soon!

2024-07-04 13:51:02

Which? is warning Facebook users to be wary of a new account hacking scam that could leave your device infected with malware. FB posts saying ‘I can’t believe he’s gone’ and ‘I’m going to miss him’ are appearing on the social media platform. While it may be tempting to click on the links to find out what they're about, be warned that the links lead to malicious malware downloads. Earlier this year, Action Fraud revealed that 22,530 people reported that their accounts had been hacked in 2023.

2024-07-04 07:22:02

I'm not wearing my glasses anymore. I've seen enough.

2024-07-03 10:38:25

I've learnt not to speak up more in meetings. It just makes them last longer.

2024-07-03 07:24:55

“A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide nothing can be done.”
Ranulph Fiennes

2024-07-02 19:38:25

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Then there was the Nissen Cherry that had a grapefruit! The Stingray with a starfish. There's more but I bet you've had enough! 🤣

2024-07-02 18:56:14

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🤣 Kawasaki 750?

2024-07-02 18:30:04

5 people in an Audi Quattro are stopped at a checkpoint. The guard says, "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro. Quattro means 4."
The driver says, "Quattro is just the name, this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You cannot pull that one on me," replies the guard. "Quattro means 4."
"You idiot!" the driver replies."Call your supervisor over. "Sorry, he's busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno."

2024-07-02 07:34:29

Them: "Your trauma made you stronger?"
Him: "Absolutely not, but it made me funnier though".

2024-07-01 18:40:40

I identify as a microwave dinner.
I'm ready in five minutes, and I look nothing like my picture.

2024-06-30 11:50:44

BBC News: A-list stars turn out for ‘awesome’ Coldplay show
BBC News - A-list stars turn out for ‘awesome’ Coldplay show
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c0kr82k58qqo

2024-06-30 07:02:10

"The gift of words is the gift of deception and illusion."
Frank Herbert

2024-06-30 07:00:07

Divorce court is like a regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom.

2024-06-29 06:23:56

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”
JK Rowling

2024-06-28 10:45:41

The Trump and Biden debate was hilarious, Biden wanted the debate (the earliest presidential debate ever) because he was trailing Trump in the polls and thought he could win over floating voters with his sharp mind. Surely, he has now fallen even further behind the weakest opponent he could ever wish to debate. There used to be a joke that to win a debate against Trump, all you have to do is let him talk. Well, all Trump had to do was stand back and let Biden dribble.

2024-06-28 08:07:50

Him: I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my grandma.
Her: Why does it say, "Do not resuscitate?"

2024-06-27 13:09:36

Julian Assange is seen as a hero
says The Times. “Yes, the hundreds of thousands of classified items he “purloined” contained some newsworthy items. But by failing to redact the material he “recklessly” endangered the lives of hundreds of dissidents and western allies in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. “Many now lie dead.” Also he chose to abscond from bail and has never faced charges for serious sexual allegations.

2024-06-26 20:05:21

Some people consider scars a badge of honour, they remind them that the past is real and we have earned those. My scar reminds me to not use a steak knife to separate frozen burgers.

2024-06-26 06:55:28

Scientists are now saying that the Brontosaurus may not have existed,
the Triceratops and the Stegosaurus are also questionable.
I'm gutted, because it means that my pyjamas are just meaningless. Now I'm starting to think there might not have been a Raquel Welsh in a fur bikini either!

2024-06-25 06:27:01

When you get angry because they've rearranged the shelfs in the Supermarket.
Welcome to Adulthood.

2024-06-25 06:26:01

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

2024-06-24 14:28:35

People go on about Joe Biden’s supposed senility, says Susan Glasser in The New Yorker. They should try listening to Donald Trump at 78 only 3 years younger has confused Nancy Pelosi with Nikki Haley, Biden with Barack Obama, and South Dakota with Iowa. He interrupted a campaign rally in Nevada for an extended rant about sharks and electrocution. His speeches from 2016, seem “positively lucid”. “If ever there were a case for age-related diminishment of a candidate, Donald Trump is it.”

2024-06-23 07:04:14

“No pleasure is worth giving up for the sake of two more years in a geriatric home in Weston-super-Mare.”
Kingsley Amis

2024-06-23 07:01:59

Airport police have announced that the number of people smuggling helium balloons in their luggage is still a problem as cases continue to rise.

2024-06-22 16:52:39

Saudi Arabia has abandoned the petrodollar. The Saudis had agreed to exclusively use greenbacks to sell crude oil since 1974. Those greenbacks were used to stabilise the US economy and control inflation. Then, the US made up 36% of the world’s economy, this has fallen to 24% and will continue to fall. Saudi Arabia has now opted to join BRICs - a new alliance and are working on a new global payment system called mBridge with China, which is now its biggest oil partner.

2024-06-21 11:23:13

A UN Human Rights Council report has confirmed Israel is guilty of extermination, using starvation as a method of warfare, failing to distinguish between combatants and civilians, and violating pretty much every international law. The report found Israel has “systematically violated the principles of distinction, proportionality, and precautions in attack”. It also found that Israel is guilty of sexual and gender-based violence.

2024-06-20 12:08:09

Every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, Summer, The Weekend, Thursday, Friday or Tuesday and ruins it for me.

2024-06-20 06:44:28

When I woke up this morning and nothing hurt, for the first few minutes I thought I was dead.

2024-06-19 11:28:54

What Israel’s staunchest backers don’t understand, says Thomas Friedman in The New York Times, is that “the Israel we knew is gone”. In Benjamin Netanyahu the country has a leader who must stay in power to avoid potentially being sent to prison on corruption charges. To do so, he has “sold his soul” to form a government with the far-right Jewish extremists Itamar Ben-Gvir and Bezalel Smotrich. These ultranationalists insist that “Israel must fight in Gaza until it has killed every last Hamasnik”

2024-06-18 06:59:48

"You must remember to love people and use things, rather than to love things and use people."
Fulton Sheen

2024-06-17 12:16:55

A couple of years ago, says Daniel Hannan in The Daily Telegraph, Labour MPs voted to outlaw cosmetic fillers & Botox for under 18s, to “safeguard children” from any potential risks. Under British law, that’s what you are until your 18th birthday. You can’t buy fireworks, serve on a jury, get a tattoo, shop for wine or cigarettes, open a bank account, use a sunbed or be tried as an adult. Labour backs all these prohibitions. Yet has the brass neck to claim that 16-year-olds should get the vote.