LRRR :bc: / is on Nostr

I AM LRRR, FUTURE CONQUEROR OF YOUR PLANET. STRANDED IN AMERICA SINCE 2023. OMICRON MALE. KEYNOTE SPEAKER. PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL. HE/HIM. TRAHR. BLM. HEEL. BELOVED MICRO-CELEBRITY. CONNECTIONS TO FUTURAMA CANON ARE TENUOUS AT BEST. I DO ALL-CAPS AND CARTOON VIOLENCE AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE ME. I AM UNHINGED.

NOT AN OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

TOOTS POSTED BY MY HUMAN GHOSTWRITER AGAINST HIS WILL.

I'M LIKE IF CALVIN'S DAD HAD A BLOODTHIRSTY IMAGINARY ALIEN MONSTER HOBBES.

GUARANTEED: YELLING
LUSTROUS, FRESHLY MOLTED: CARAPACE
HOT SPACE LIZARD SUMMER: VIBE
SOMEHOW RISING: THREAT LEVEL

Last Notes

2024-08-22 19:52:45

EVERY ANECDOTE REPUBLICANS USE TO TRY TO SMEAR TIM WALZ MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE A NICKELODEON SITCOM DAD.

2024-08-22 05:20:23

I SAW YELLOW LEAVES TODAY. YELLOW! SUMMER IS ENDING AND DEATH COMES FOR US ALL.

2024-08-20 08:09:11

OOC: a someone who has spent the last 18 months running a nuanced study of white professional suburban alienation, I feel like J.D. Vance is a gift from the universe. He's terrible, but he's also terrible at being terrible. The most mockable motherfucker, climbing into the mocking booth at the state fair, daring people to mock him, and falling all wrong into the mocking tank. The dumb jokes about him stick because we have, many of us, known someone just like him: a smug, opportunistic grifter who is fixated on sex and control in a way that bums everyone out. I *love* making fun of him.
Vance got where he is off the back of a book that told a good story and conveniently narrated rural alienation in a way that smelled true enough to the David Brookses and Peter Thiels of the world. Hillbilly Elegy seemed important to make sense of a world that Nate Silver and Co. could not tidily explain. So what if he wasn't particularly good at running for office? Ohio's demographics were lurching rightward and he had enough stardust to enchant Ohioans into voting for him. He could talk the talk. Or, write the write, anyway. And that, for his senate race, was enough. It wouldn't really matter to Ohio that he was, in a word, a shillbilly whose big dumb book was an autohagiographic turd because Very Serious People could buy into him. The shoeless, jug-blowing, cousin-fucking morons of... upper-middle class Ohio suburbs would vote for whoever promised tax cuts and forced births. He proved this by underperforming other, more capable Republican campaigners.
Projecting a degree of competence, charm, and normalcy is a huge part of running a national campaign. Vance's problem is that a campaign is not a book or a series of op-eds, which would play to his strengths. Instead, all of the gormless whackadoo nutlog fuckery that his Silicon Valley VC bros cheered on is actually totally fleabitten bananapants insane. And not, like, "ha ha" insane. Not Lrrr insane. More like "hold your car keys in your fist while you back slowly out of the room that smells way too much like bleach and pennies" insane. And he did it on film, in print, and in audio! Wherever you go, he is jamming his foot further into his mouth on issue after issue after issue. Why? Well, at first, to impress the lowest, most vile lifeforms on the planet (podcasters), but then because it felt good, because he surrounded himself either with people who wanted to hear it or with people who didn't care as long as they had a reliable vote for renewing the TCJA in 2026. He's not normal. He can't play it on TV. He certainly cannot parlay his strangeness into a disarming caricature of success like his running mate can. He is, to use the phrase, weird.
Ultimately, J.D. Vance is a contemptible shit who, God willing, will help snatch defeat from the jaws of victory in an all-time great campaign implosion. Here is a suburban kid who lived the American dream, hated Yalies as much as I would, and convinced people that this made him special. If he had had a modicum of decency, we would not know his name, and it is a pity that we do not live in that world. I hope the memes haunt him forever and the shame of seeing his most dedicated supporters lugging around vials of jizz in his honor one day drives him mad.

2024-08-19 23:12:03

IMAGINE WALKING ON A BEACH WHEN AN ORCA SLIDES UP AND EATS YOUR FRIEND. YOU WOULD GO TO JAIL AND NOBODY WOULD EVER BELIEVE YOU.

2024-08-16 15:21:18

I AM READY FOR YOU TO GET OVER THE TERRIBLE SHIT I SAID.

2024-08-15 04:24:25

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IF YOU MEET ONE OF THEM, YOU CAN JUST CALL HIM "RYAN" AND THEN PUNCH HIM IN THE NOSE. FOR BONUS POINTS, SHOUT "THIS IS FOR TROPIC THUNDER," A MOVIE THAT NEITHER OF THEM WAS IN.

2024-08-15 01:12:45

IF ANYTHING, I WILL OPEN ALL BORDERS TO OUR OMICRONIAN FRIENDS. #LRRR2024

2024-08-11 04:02:08

Ooc: I know I run an account full of violent absurdism, but I enjoy the community and sense of place that I have found here. As much as I am shouting into the void, this is a nice void and I am proud to be part of it. Lrrr strives to be a safe horrible monster to engage with. :bb:

2024-08-06 03:29:55

CHALLENGING SELF-PROFESSED ALPHA MALES TO RUN FULL-SPEED INTO THE TUNNEL I PAINTED ONTO A ROCK IS EVEN EASIER THAN IT SOUNDS.

2024-08-03 01:51:24

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TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE HAM.

2024-07-18 15:10:16

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I WORRY THAT THERAPY MIGHT MAKE HIM LESS TERRIBLE AND MENACING. GOT ANYTHING THAT WILL MAKE HIM WORSE?

2024-07-18 04:40:37

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OK, BUT THAT PLEXIGLASS IS COMING OUT OF YOUR GOVERNANCE GRATUITY.

2024-07-18 01:11:05

HEY @npub14uu…2axj, CAN YOU INTERPET FOR MY RUNNING MATE? HE'S A SILVERBACK GORILLA WITH ANGER PROBLEMS, SOME OF WHICH MAY STEM FROM THE NOW-BROKEN GORILLA-TO-ENGLISH TRANSLATION DEVICE I NAILED INTO HIS INSULAR CORTEX. I CAN PAY YOU WITH PROXIMITY TO POWER.

2024-07-07 04:41:34

I FEEL LIKE SUCH HOT GARBAGE RIGHT NOW. I WILL SPARE YOU THE DETAILS OF MY DIGESTIVE FAILINGS, BUT I DID LOSE A RACE TO A GROCERY STORE JOHN TODAY AND COULD REALLY USE SOME CHEERING UP.

2024-06-10 18:32:06

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Ooc: there's actually a better analogue between the French revolution and the submersibles! They even called the Loire the National Bathtub!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drownings_at_Nantes