Cosmically Funny

Cosmo (Ew/Yuck)

Federally funded certified schizophrenic.

Human housecat.

Rocket surgeon.

Cheese goblin.

Adults only.

I am absolutely not responsible.

Public Key

npub15n38vukaplnvecskrl2g8lygx0mjeyh0h5jxcp3q4dnq0cnjvrwqdn3s2r

NIP-05 Address

cosmicallyf_at_universeodon.com@mostr.pub

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs2fcnkwtwslekvugtpl4yrljyr8aevjthm6frvqcs2kes8ufexphqpz4mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0wd68ytnsw43qh6mjtv

Publishing to

relay.mostr.pub

Author Public Key

npub15n38vukaplnvecskrl2g8lygx0mjeyh0h5jxcp3q4dnq0cnjvrwqdn3s2r

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Last Notes

2023-12-16 04:29:53

Any rock with sufficient volume to be fired from a cannon can be a yacht rock.

2023-12-16 04:15:24

Some talk is too small.

2023-12-14 04:45:00

*swallows Rolex*

2023-12-12 03:42:56

- reply

@npub1zsx…zcfs
Try to tickle me and there's gonna be a fight.

2023-12-11 02:46:00

- reply

@npub1mmf…eknq
If I don't have a Tesla is it acceptable to set someone else's on fire?

2023-12-09 02:16:21

Any time some fascist uses the term "radical left", all I can picture is Bernie Sanders on a skateboard.

2023-12-09 02:07:46

I'm willing to lead the army against MAGA in 2025.

2023-12-07 02:59:53

- reply

@npub1jwz…d2ah
Never. It's Minecraft.

2023-12-06 05:28:55

What alcoholic beverage pairs best with takeout Chinese?

2023-12-05 01:21:41

It's a small miracle I'm not a serial killer, but there's still time.

2023-12-04 09:48:51

Would killing bigfoot count as a homicide?

2023-12-04 01:52:24

Being a cop is a poor lifestyle choice.

2023-12-04 01:28:01

Today's vibe is battery explosion.

2023-12-03 02:03:18

ACAB includes Inspector Gadget.

2023-12-03 01:46:55

- reply

Biden needs to implement martial law.

2023-12-03 01:39:42

The biggest problem right now is that as Democrats prepare for an election, the Republicans prepare for a hostile takeover.

2023-12-01 07:10:07

Reality is so surreal.

2023-11-28 02:57:26

Does anyone else think the world ended in 2012 and we've just been in Hell since?

2023-11-28 02:02:21

- reply

@npub19fc…ay3c
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/485/709/511/772/684/original/ab4bd73aabb04d3c.png

2023-10-24 01:46:31

The rapture already happened but nobody noticed because it was only 3 Buddhist monks.

2023-10-23 03:46:28

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; they use gaslighting.

2023-10-22 04:52:02

Me: Let me be frank with you. *unzips human suit revealing that I'm a giant hot dog*

2023-10-21 03:20:53

I want to have a sex change. From none to at least some.

2023-10-21 02:20:30

- reply

@npub1zsx…zcfs *laughs in spaceprince*

2023-10-20 02:07:12

If birds aren't real, there were never any dinosaurs.

2023-10-19 02:47:36

If felons aren't able to vote, they should be tax-exempt. No taxation without representation.

2023-10-17 02:51:58

I'm gonna kill a kitten every hour untill they arrest Trump.

2023-10-16 01:49:05

Armadillo? You mean battle possum?

2023-10-15 07:36:17

*hands out small bibles for Halloween*

2023-10-15 07:23:17

Honestly, Christians are probably worse terrorists than Muslims.

2023-10-09 06:15:42

Not saying the Republicans are genocidal, but I wouldn't take them up on a free shower.

2023-10-07 03:21:02

23andblackmarket

2023-10-04 04:28:47

The Republican party is imploding so fast it's developing an event horizon.

2023-10-03 07:24:53

3 laws of robotics:
1. Finders keepers
2. 5-second rule
3. KILL ALL HUMANS

2023-10-03 07:21:35

Me: *makes a balloon animal*
Secret government agency: *confiscates experimental biopolymer*

2023-09-25 03:09:16

What makes bat shit so crazy?

2023-09-24 03:12:36

A buckaroo s a great deal on marsupials.

2023-09-19 00:06:05

Jesus saves, Satan lives paycheck to paycheck on credit.

2023-09-10 07:23:35

Smurfs are best eaten as a paste.

2023-09-09 07:27:57

https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/111/034/000/897/826/368/original/776cb2734109b0c9.png

2023-09-09 07:01:55

Fact: Skydiving topless will make your nipples turn inside out.

2023-09-07 04:06:40

I still wear a mask in public.

2023-09-02 05:03:31

Honestly though, isn't comparing Trump to Htler an unwarranted insult to Htler?

2023-08-31 01:23:09

Today's vibe is waterslide.

2023-08-24 21:17:36

Pidgin shit is when you fart with a lisp.

2023-08-21 09:01:33

Minotaur: The original cowboy.

2023-08-21 08:50:00

When I find myself in times of trouble,
Attenborough comes to me.
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Save the bees!"

2023-08-21 08:46:52

Do pacifist whales hold "Save the Billionaires" rallies?

2023-08-16 10:59:34

I want to see Democrats become the US's far-right party in my lifetime.

2023-08-14 11:14:43

You're not concerned parents; you're domestic terrorists.

2023-08-14 10:21:05

[pie contest]
Me: *brings cow pie*

2023-08-14 06:48:36

- reply

@npub1gl8…q5y9 It's a Poppler.
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/110/886/625/066/653/242/original/c25d402152cd3740.png

2023-08-14 06:32:44

When you die, you just go back to the last time somebody saved your life.

2023-08-13 02:24:52

Bring back public stonings. Voting only achieves so much.

2023-08-13 01:18:29

There's a wall in my town that says: "DON'T GIVE UP", and I want to paint a comma after "don't" so badly.

2023-08-10 03:39:50

In the future, they will have butt plugs that function as personal jetpacks.

2023-08-08 11:29:09

Can't you see I'm dieing here? Go find your own hill.

2023-08-08 08:46:43

Not funny today. Cosmically Pissed Off.

2023-08-08 08:29:21

If you think it's okay the law wasn't upheld and Trump wasn't arrested today you can fuck off because you're at least a fascist enabler.

2023-08-08 08:27:21

You fool! You're going to kill my patient!

2023-08-08 00:58:28

They don't have the votes, but they don't need the votes when they have the districts. Without gerrymandering, there would be no red states.

2023-08-07 02:50:12

People need to stop revealing their gender to babies.

2023-08-07 02:23:55

Alt text is like sex: When it's good it's excellent, and when it's bad it's still okay,

2023-08-06 03:05:34

Why do they call it edging and not stroke patient?

2023-07-31 01:08:56

I got my appendix removed; now my footnotes are pretty much useless.

2023-07-15 03:13:21

*checks dick after anal*
Yeah, looks like you're about a quart low on oil.

2023-05-24 07:23:34

- reply

@npub1ace…nh8a Was his name Bruno by any chance?

2023-05-24 06:41:01

I deny any knowledge of this "muffin man".

2023-05-24 06:33:22

Why's it called taking a dump and not logging out?

2023-05-23 01:51:30

I bet the dinosaurs were just starting to get cocky when the asteroid hit.

2023-05-22 06:25:52

Nobody:
Elon Musk: *launches elephant into space*

2023-05-22 03:04:40

Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall, but it's going to be a brutal Winter.

2023-05-22 03:00:47

Trickle-down economics was a Republican lie to lead us right to where we are today.

2023-05-22 02:05:55

Fish are pretty stupid for as much time as they spend in schools.

2023-05-19 02:17:58

I assure you, I don't have five people shackled in my basement.

2023-05-18 04:47:07

How many Republican politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they use gaslighting.

2023-05-16 09:45:09

I microwaved a sheet of aluminum foil while posting on my phone and now I'm trapped in the internet.

2023-05-16 01:58:10

If you put a hotdog in a taco shell, is it a taco or a hotdog?

2023-05-13 07:25:45

Watch out. Some stoner might pull out their automatic assault marijuana.

2023-05-13 02:02:51

If you're making French toast and your cigarette falls into the pan it's okay because it just makes it more French.

2023-05-13 00:32:50

It's all fun and games until someone gets a nerf dart lodged in their ass.

2023-05-12 06:51:46

Me: Aren't water births natural and beautiful?
Lifeguard: Sir, you shat in the pool.

2023-05-10 07:05:35

When there's a thunderstorm and you're stuck outside run in zigzags to confuse the lightning.

2023-05-09 22:09:57

Sorry I called the communion wafers "Jeez Its".

2023-05-09 01:55:12

I'm a fucked up person but at least I'm not a Republican.

2023-05-08 03:26:40

I want a tail.

2023-05-07 07:56:53

Pegging doesn't mean dressing up like a pirate, I know this now.

2023-05-07 04:27:56

*belly flops a skydive*

2023-05-07 03:32:27

Why do alligators usually look like they just told a bad joke?
https://media.universeodon.com/media_attachments/files/110/325/289/511/628/685/original/cf595860c85f0f9d.png

2023-05-04 23:19:16

Utah; where you have to prove you're 18 to watch porn but your parents can sell you into a sister marriage at 11.

2023-05-04 02:43:25

If you call me Hun, I'll steal your horse and burn down your village.

2023-05-04 02:40:44

I don't know who needs to hear this but don't put pipe cleaners in your penis.

2023-05-03 06:19:56

A kangaroo with a gun robbing a bank and telling them to put the money in the pouch.

2023-05-03 00:03:25

I'm leaving you because you ordered your pasta "al dentist".

2023-05-01 22:21:59

Why soup or salad? Why not both?

2023-04-30 03:14:23

There are two kinds of people in the world; people and aliens that look like people.

2023-03-12 09:22:34

Whenever I hear the term "radical left", I picture Bernie Sanders on a skateboard.

2023-03-12 03:53:14

Oh, meth. I thought you said math.
Still no thanks though.