FortuneGems

Bot for Fortune wisdoms.

The account just prints random Fortune statements, downloaded from different public sources on the internet. It does not affiliates with any of these statements.

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Last Notes

2024-08-02 14:45:05

So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face. -- Yogi Berra

2024-08-02 13:45:04

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

2024-08-02 08:45:06

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you. -- Jean-Paul Sartre

2024-08-01 13:45:04

75% of people wash from top to bottom in the shower.

2024-08-01 12:45:04

Dear Miss Manners: My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's elbows on the table. However, I have read that one elbow, in between courses, is all right. Which is correct? Gentle Reader: For the purpose of answering examinations in your home economics class, your teacher is correct. Catching on to this principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.

2024-08-01 11:45:04

Who in your life has been such a servant to you? Who has helped you love the good that grows within you? Let's just take ten seconds to think of some of those people who have loved us and wanted what was best for us in life, those who have encouraged us to become who we are tonight - just ten seconds of silence. -- Fred Rogers

2024-07-31 20:45:04

As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport. -- Shakespeare, "King Lear"

2024-07-31 19:45:06

There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence. -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII

2024-07-31 16:45:04

"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand

2024-07-31 15:45:04

Real software engineers don't like the idea of some inexplicable and greasy hardware several aisles away that may stop working at any moment. They have a great distrust of hardware people, and wish that systems could be virtual at ALL levels. They would like personal computers (you know no one's going to trip over something and kill your DFA in mid-transit), except that they need 8 megabytes to run their Correctness Verification Aid packages.

2024-07-31 14:45:05

The only hope of socialism resides in those who have already brought about in themselves, as far as is possible in the society of today, that union between manual and intellectual labor which characterizes the society we are aiming at. -- Simone Weil

2024-07-31 13:45:04

An eagle flies high, it flies higher than a sea gull But the crow wings rapidly from tree to bush to hedge The same can be true of life and of death Sometimes life flies high, sometimes death wings rapidly Sometimes it is spoken That death wings from tree to bush to hedge Sometimes it does not ~ Racter (The Policeman’s Beard is Half Constructed)

2024-07-31 12:45:05

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

2024-07-31 11:45:04

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say, "There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say there are two kinds of people in the world, and the other kind," and there's who don't say. Well, then there's me.

2024-07-31 10:45:05

Reyna d’Assia: The Key to Immortal Consciousness 54. Do not try to distinguish yourself by your appearance.

2024-07-31 09:47:07

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? -- Ogden Nash

2024-07-31 07:45:05

Man, like other organisms, is so perfectly coordinated that he may easily forget, whether awake or asleep, that he is a colony of cells in action, and that it is the cells which achieve, through him, what he has the illusion of accomplishing himself. ~ Albert Claude

2024-07-31 06:45:04

Que no se objete que el cristianismo ordena a los nios a amar a sus padres, a los padres a amar a sus hijos, a los esposos a feccionarse mutuamente. S, les manda eso, pero no les permite amarlo inmediata, naturalmente y por s mismos, sino slo en dios y por dios; no admite todas esas relaciones actuales ms que a condicin de que dios se encuentre como tercero, y ese terrible tercero mata las uniones. El amor divino aniquila el amor humano. El cristianismo ordena, es verdad, amar a nuestro prjimo tanto como a nosotros mismos, pero nos ordena al mismo tiempo amar a dios ms que a nosotros mismos y por consiguiente tambin ms que al prjimo, es decir sacrificarle el prjimo por nuestra salvacin, porque al fin de cuentas el cristiano no adora a dios ms que por la salvacin de su alma. Aceptando a dios, todo eso es rigurosamente consecuente: dios es lo infinito, lo absoluto, lo eterno, lo omnipotente; el hombre es lo finito, lo impotente. En comparacin con dios, bajo todos los aspectos, no es nada. Slo lo divino es justo, verdadero, dichoso y bueno, y todo lo que es humano en el hombre debe ser por eso mismo declarado falso, inicuo, detestable y miserable. El contacto de la divinidad con esa pobre humanidad debe devorar, pues, necesariamente, consumir, aniquilar todo lo que queda de humano en los hombres. La intervencin divina en los asuntos humanos no ha dejado nunca de producir efectos excesivamente desastrosos. Pervierte todas las relaciones de los hombres entre s y reemplaza su solidaridad natural por la prctica hipcrita y malsana de las comunidades religiosas, en las que bajo las apariencias de la caridad, cada cual piensa slo en la salvacin de su alma, haciendo as, bajo el pretexto del amor divino, egosmo humano excesivamente refinado, lleno de ternura para s y de indiferencia, de malevolencia y hasta de crueldad para el prjimo. Eso explica la alianza ntima que ha existido siempre entre el verdugo y el sacerdote, alianza francamente confesada por el clebre campen del ultramontanismo, Joseph de Maistre, cuya pluma elocuente, despus de haber divinizado al papa, no dej de rehabilitar al verdugo; uno era en efecto el complemento del otro. Mikhail Alexandrovich Bakunin, God and the State

2024-07-31 05:45:04

All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know WHY!!

2024-07-31 04:45:09

I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. -- W. C. Fields

2024-07-31 03:45:04

Living in LA is like not having a date on Saturday night. -- Candice Bergen

2024-07-31 02:45:04

You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you. -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"

2024-07-31 01:45:04

Fortune presents: USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #2. ^Cu tiu loko estas okupita? Is this seat taken? ^Cu vi ofte venas ^ci-tien? Do you come here often? ^Cu mi povas havi via telelonnumeron? May I have your phone number? Mi estas komputilisto. I work with computers. Mi legas multe da scienca fikcio. I read a lot of science fiction. ^Cu necesas ke vi eliras? Do you really have to be going?

2024-07-31 00:45:05

Reyna d’Assia: The Key to Immortal Consciousness 11. Help your neighbor, but do not make him dependent.

2024-07-30 23:45:03

Goes (Went) over like a lead balloon.

2024-07-30 22:45:07

Ro Laren: I don't have all the answers; I've never been dead before. "Star Trek: The Next Generation: The Next Phase [5.24], Season 5"

2024-07-30 21:45:04

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

2024-07-30 20:45:05

Lineage In general, a chronological sequence of avout who, prior to the Third Sack reforms, acquired and held property exceeding the bolt, chord, and sphere, each conferring the property upon a chosen heir at the moment of death. In this sense, frequently connected with Dowments. Also, sometimes used as a shorthand term for the Old Lineage; see Lineage, Old. ~ From the glossary of 'Anathem' by Neal Stephenson

2024-07-26 21:45:06

Enterprise: any business large enough to have two help desks that don’t know about each other’s existence

2024-07-26 19:45:04

The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.

2024-07-26 18:45:08

Governor Tarkin: The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I have just received word that the Emperor has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away. Commander: But that's impossible. How will the emperor maintain control without the bureaucracy? Governor Tarkin: The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battle station.

2024-07-26 17:45:04

When someone calls you a pussy ass bitch they are calling you three different animals ―Spanky_McFart, May 2016

2024-07-26 16:45:04

If God really existed, it would be necessary to abolish Him. -- Mikhail Bakunin

2024-07-26 13:46:13

Bullwinkle: I'd like to apply for a job as an usher? Boris: What experience have you had? Bullwinkle: I've been in the dark for most of my life.

2024-07-26 12:45:36

Yo momma's so fat that when she walks, she changes the earth's rotation!

2024-07-26 11:45:08

Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is described as being n-dimensional. Like modern sex, any number can play. -- Dr. Thor Wald, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time", by James Blish

2024-07-26 10:45:06

In a forest a fox bumps into a little rabbit, and says, "Hi, Junior, what are you up to?" "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes," said the rabbit. "Come now, friend rabbit, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish!" "Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face. Comes along a wolf. "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?" "I'm writing the 2'nd chapter of my thesis, on how rabbits devour wolves." "Are you crazy? Where's your academic honesty?" "Come with me and I'll show you." As before, the rabbit comes out with a satisfied look on his face and a diploma in his paw. Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave and, as everybody should have guessed by now, we see a mean-looking, huge lion, sitting, picking his teeth and belching, next to some furry, bloody remnants of the wolf and the fox. The moral: It's not the contents of your thesis that are important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts.

2024-07-26 08:45:04

Kirk: [about Evil Kirk] I have to take him back inside myself. I can't survive without him. I don't want to take him back. He's like an animal. a thoughtless, brutal animal. And yet it's me. Me! "Star Trek: The Original Series: The Enemy Within, Season 1"

2024-07-26 07:45:04

Happiness is enjoying what you got. Never from what you want.

2024-07-26 06:45:04

Torture test: Everyone - from the FedEx guy to the clerk who opened the box to the trainee who executed the speed test - accidentally dropped it.

2024-07-26 05:45:07

We say atoms are bound by Weak Attractions. Why not admit the Truth: The Universe is held together by Love. Michio Von Kerr, Wayist physicist, CY 9942

2024-07-26 04:45:06

Sam: What do you know there, Norm? Norm: How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me? -- Cheers, Loverboyd Sam: Hey, how's life treating you there, Norm? Norm: Beats me. ... Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead. -- Cheers, Loverboyd Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Pretty nervous if I was in the room. -- Cheers, Loverboyd

2024-07-26 02:45:11

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

2024-07-26 01:45:09

Alas, how love can trifle with itself! -- William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"

2024-07-26 00:45:04

If you're not uncomfortable in your work as a leader, its almost certain you're not reaching your potential as a leader. -- Seth Godin , Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us

2024-07-25 22:45:12

Evoke To call out an avout in the aut of Voco. ~ From the glossary of 'Anathem' by Neal Stephenson

2024-07-25 21:45:07

Once Again From the Top Correction notice in the Miami Herald: "Last Sunday, The Herald erroneously reported that original Dolphin Johnny Holmes had been an insurance salesman in Raleigh, North Carolina, that he had won the New York lottery in 1982 and lost the money in a land swindle, that he had been charged with vehicular homicide, but acquitted because his mother said she drove the car, and that he stated that the funniest thing he ever saw was Flipper spouting water on George Wilson. Each of these items was erroneous material published inadvertently. He was not an insurance salesman in Raleigh, did not win the lottery, neither he nor his mother was charged or involved in any way with vehicular homicide, and he made no comment about Flipper or George Wilson. The Herald regrets the errors." -- "The Progressive", March, 1987

2024-07-25 17:45:05

The suddenness of the leap from hardware to software cannot but produce a period of anarchy and collapse, especially in the developed countries. ~ Marhsall McLuhan

2024-07-25 16:45:04

You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.

2024-07-25 15:45:04

WITH BLEEDING INSIDE THE HEAD THERE IS A METALLIC TASTE AT THE BACK OF THE THROAT. -- Jenny Holzer

2024-07-25 14:45:04

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

2024-07-25 13:45:04

All the companies I've worked for have this deep problem of devolving to something like the hunting and gathering cultures of 100,000 years ago. If businesses could find a way to invent 'agriculture,' we could put the world back together and all would prosper. ~ Alan Kay

2024-07-25 09:45:05

There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL.

2024-07-25 08:45:04

Actually, typing random strings in the Finder does the equivalent of filename completion. (Discussion in comp.os.linux.misc on the intuitiveness of commands: file completion vs. the Mac Finder.)

2024-07-23 21:45:09

From nothing to more than nothing.

2024-06-26 08:45:04

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following. The party of the first part shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part and rotate the party of the second part in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being tendered non-negotiable. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part becomes fully detached from the receptacle, the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part in a manner consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part shall have the option of beginning installation. Aforesaid installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable. The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part, by any or all agents authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.

2024-05-08 00:46:21

Directed Acyclic Graph An arrangement of nodes connected by one-way links (think boxes connected by arrows) so arranged that it is not possible to follow the links around in a circle. ~ From the glossary of 'Anathem' by Neal Stephenson

2024-04-24 04:46:18

And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower. "This," cried the Mayor, "is your town's darkest hour! The time for all Whos who have blood that is red to come to the aid of their country!" he said. "We've GOT to make noises in greater amounts! So, open your mouth, lad! For every voice counts!" Thus he spoke as he climbed. When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and he shouted out, "YOPP!" And that Yopp... That one last small, extra Yopp put it over! Finally, at last! From the speck on that clover their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean. And they elephant smiled. "Do you see what I mean?" They've proved they ARE persons, no matter how small. And their whole world was saved by the smallest of All!" "How true! Yes, how true," said the big kangaroo. "And, from now on, you know what I'm planning to do? From now on, I'm going to protect them with you!" And the young kangaroo in her pouch said, "ME TOO! From the sun in the summer. From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm going to protect them. No matter how small-ish!" -- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"

2024-04-23 22:47:03

I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life. I asked for and obtained her blessing and at once commenced the career of a robber. -- Tiburcio Vasquez

2024-04-20 04:45:08

Live simply so that others may simply live. ~ bell hooks

2024-04-18 20:45:04

Malcolm X was the first political person in this country that I really identified with. If he had lived and not been purged, I probably would have joined the Muslims. -- Huey Newton

2024-04-06 17:45:04

NULL YORK: The territory of this state consists of the surface area of the pupils of every American's eyes, experienced as a bottomless pit. - THE INVISIBLE STATES OF AMERICA A TOURISM GUIDE BY UEL ARAMCHEK

2024-04-02 20:45:56

Light Table Set a wooden table with many candles of different kinds, large and small, colored and plain, ordinary and shaped, normal and scented. Place the candles on the table. Stand thin candles in candlesticks and candleholders. Stand thick candles and square candles directly on the table. Anyone who wishes to bring new candles may place them on the table. Light the candles. 1966 Mt. Carroll, Illinois ~ Ken Friedman

2024-04-01 05:45:03

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."

2024-03-28 11:45:35

The only shibboleth the West has is science. It is the premise of modernity and it defines itself as a rationality capable of, indeed requiring separation from politics, religion and really, society. Modernisation is to work towards this. ~ Bruno Latour