johnheaton
John Heaton

https://www.flannelandflashlight.com/childrens-princess-the-cat

Author of the Princess the Cat series. She's a snooty cat perfect for grades 3-6 or cat lovers of any age. #cats #books

Get free ebook of the first trilogy here (no email required):
https://dl.bookfunnel.com/wb8lqtgj7v

Order autographed copies: https://shopstr.store/listing/fde6f5921b24f4b6a0f14eb54e1ec0124643d4aa6d5a9169dbd60d606b394178

Website I honestly never really go to:

Public Key

npub1779vfunnaqdpwtdml67gmwnz97maj89t8dcen3yd9ur65r2glqqq5fy65q

NIP-05 Address

johnheaton@primal.net

NIP-57 Address

johnheaton@primal.net

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs00zky7fe7sxsh9kala0ydhf3zld7erj4nkuvecjxj7pa2p4y0sqqpzemhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuurjd9kkzmpwdejhgqgjwaehxw309ac82unsd3jhqct89ejhx5ykrq9

Publishing to

relay.primal.net

purplepag.es

relay.damus.io

Author Public Key

npub1779vfunnaqdpwtdml67gmwnz97maj89t8dcen3yd9ur65r2glqqq5fy65q

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Last Notes

2025-02-17 00:14:18

Anybody else amazed at how few people have their wallets set up to accept zaps?? #asknostr

2025-02-16 01:25:07

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This zap will one day be more than my salary

2025-02-12 23:10:22

#cats #cats #books #bookreview
Check out Princess the Cat's first book review of "Time Cat" by Lloyd Alexander. Is it feline friend, or foe?
https://youtu.be/1nXE24hQPj8

2025-02-11 22:41:28

#cats #catstr #jokes
Best Cat Jokes Ever.
Dads of the world unite.
https://youtu.be/SXKN0cR42Hg

2025-02-10 22:13:13

Princess the Cat did a video response to her negative book reviews.
#cats #books #bookreviews
https://youtu.be/5Xmo57webTM

2025-02-10 22:09:51

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As somebody around his age, I can totally understand exiting after ~7 years.

2025-02-07 18:10:09

Princess the Cat had a habit of making fun of stupid human news stories back in the day. This one goes back a few years, but it's her first one.
#cats #catstr
https://youtu.be/mn-p99AAer0

2025-02-06 20:46:16

#cats #catstr #bullish
https://m.primal.net/OTgJ.jpg

2025-02-06 00:26:19

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I noticed that too. If only we could all be so impaired.

2025-02-05 20:38:09

Princess the Cat ran for president in the US back in 2020. (Spoiler: she didn't win.)
Never thought she had a realistic shot at winning, but she's a delusionally self-important cat, so she's convinced she still has 9 terms remaining.
This was one of her best campaign ads.
#cats #catstr
https://youtu.be/l7EM0unHdZ4

2025-02-05 14:47:54

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Recently used @shopstr to set up selling autographed copies of books. Haven’t yet seen how well details like collecting shipping address works though.

2025-02-04 17:52:56

#cats
https://m.primal.net/OQMJ.jpg

2025-02-03 19:47:49

#cats
https://m.primal.net/OOpr.jpg

2025-02-01 21:39:25

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https://m.primal.net/NyQm.jpg

2025-02-01 19:01:23

And an autographed copy of Princess the Cat book 3 on #shopstr.
https://shopstr.store/listing/08ef8f698756957228b850bf561c39c86eb431d29c1e9d7f51c41154be3810dd
(What about books 2, 4, 5, and 6? I don't have any on hand right now. Coming later, plus a chance to get all 6 at a discount.)
#cats #catstr #books

2025-02-01 18:29:37

Okay I'm figuring out #shopstr.
Author-autographed copy of Princess the Cat's Book One is available on shopstr.
https://shopstr.store/listing/fde6f5921b24f4b6a0f14eb54e1ec0124643d4aa6d5a9169dbd60d606b394178
#cats #catstr #books

2025-02-01 16:17:45

#cats #catstr #books
Princess the Cat told me to post her Volume 1 Edition 2 of her Insider newsletter, originally posted November 19, 2017.
Here goes:
https://m.primal.net/OLag.jpg
This is Princess the Cat, bringing you the world-record-breaking 2nd edition of the Princess the Cat Insider.
In this 2nd Edition of the Princess the Cat Insider, I continue some popular series, answer your deepest questions, and tell you how to spend your money. Remember to forward this to your friends. As long as you and your friends continue joining and reading, I will continue sending it to you twice per month.
#1 Black Friday Shopping Tip from Princess the Cat.
Don't do it.
Get Everybody to Do What You Want: Passive-Aggressive Lessons from the Master, part 2.
(Second in a three-part series.)
You humans think that if you talk about your problems with each other that you will solve them. This is false. I’ve never said anything to my people, and yet they do what I want 99% of the time. So-called experts claim my tactics are “passive-aggressive.” I call them “effective.”
Tactic #2: Your physical presence is more important than your verbal presence.
Here’s what I do. I lay on the book a person is trying to read. Or on their keyboard when they are trying to type. I don’t waste words politely asking them to pet me. For you, if you don’t want to watch the same thing on TV, just stand between them and the TV until they arrive at the proper channel.
Next time, I will reveal the third tactic to get everybody to do what you want.
Princess the Cat's unRecommended Product.
Cat Unicorn Horn.
Yes, it is an inflatable unicorn horn you put on your cat.
...
Never buy this product, and never let your friends buy it.
Ask Princess.
Question: Who should I vote for in an election if all the candidates are horrible?
Answer: This is why I hold only one office: Empress. I don’t mess around with school board, county seats, or even parliament and congress rubbish. I’m Princess, and I’m an enlightened monarch and benevolent dictator who excels at knowing what’s best for others, even when they are too blind to see it themselves. Human experiments with democracy have utterly failed. Next time, write in Princess the Cat, and at least you will be able to sleep at night knowing that you did the right thing as I save the world and otherwise put dogs in their respective places.
Recommended Reading for Big People: The Honest Spy.
Pro: Historical fiction set in WWII that you’ll love reading. Based on a real person, it shows the bravery and sacrifice necessary to stand against tyranny – and I should know. I did it myself in my third book.
Con: It will draw you in, and you will get less sleep. I need a tight eighteen hours.
Words for the Wise:
“Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.”
-Jim Davis (creator of Garfield)
The Princess the Cat Insider is Sponsored by:
Recommended Audiobook: Redwall
Some might consider Redwall to be Epic Fantasy. It checks all the boxes: the book is very long, and the book has swords. However, I consider Redwall to be Food Fantasy. It’s completely unrealistic and fantastical to have my meals going on adventures, doing noble deeds, and raising children in their beloved Redwall Abbey. It’s not just mice, but birds as well!
Redwall Abbey is where peaceful mice have studied and committed themselves to healing and serving others. All the woodlanders love them, but then the evil rat Cluny brings an army to attack. What can the peaceful Redwallers do?
Redwall follows the adventure of Matthias the mouse to become a warrior mouse, like his ancestor, Martin, to defeat Cluny the rat and bring peace to all the woodland creatures sheltered in Redwall.
In my opinion, I feel bad for Cluny. His army is full of incompetent weasels and stoats. I never for a second thought a rat leading a band of nasty vermin could defeat Redwall. However, even a cat half as good as Max would have had the Redwallers surrendering faster than I can eat a can of tuna.
The best thing about Redwall? It’s over twelve hours long, so you are getting a lot for your money. Oddly enough, I’ve discovered that children are captivated longer in the car by audiobooks than by videos. Most videos only last one and a half hours, and then the complaining starts. However, after one and a half hours of Redwall, the children will be begging for hours more. Perfect for long road trips!

2025-01-31 23:59:47

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https://m.primal.net/ODVr.jpg

2025-01-31 22:30:39

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https://m.primal.net/NyQm.jpg

2025-01-31 22:26:38

Proud of this milestone-
Recently reached 100 reviews on Amazon for my first trilogy!
Ebook is free in my profile.
Autographed paperbacks coming soon to #shopstr.
Audiobook available everywhere but coming soon as a playlist on #fountain.
#cats #catstr #books #bookstr #books #audiobooks
https://m.primal.net/OKSz.jpg

2025-01-31 01:34:53

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Ability to sleep at will, “bank” the sleep, and then cash it in later

2025-01-30 17:38:00

#cats #catstr
https://m.primal.net/OIVZ.jpg

2025-01-29 19:03:06

#cats #catstr
https://m.primal.net/Nwkk.jpg

2025-01-28 20:31:02

@npub1rxy…hnp8
Haha yes!
https://youtu.be/STX4frMuYj4
https://m.primal.net/OEsg.jpg

2025-01-28 20:29:29

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Planning on shopstr for autographed paperbacks but hadn’t considered for audiobooks

2025-01-28 20:19:44

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https://m.primal.net/NyQm.jpg

2025-01-28 20:07:27

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I now realize I’m looking for a marketplace people come looking for audiobooks.

2025-01-28 19:38:14

#asknostr
What’s the best way to make my audiobooks available?
1. Wavlake
2. Fountain
3. Other

2025-01-28 18:05:16

#cats #catstr
https://m.primal.net/OEjS.jpg

2025-01-28 17:08:56

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https://m.primal.net/OEgC.jpg

2025-01-28 13:35:29

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Put a little effort into your profile.

2025-01-27 22:33:36

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https://m.primal.net/ODVr.jpg

2025-01-27 20:16:21

#cats #catstr
https://m.primal.net/ODMd.jpg

2025-01-25 20:01:32

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2025-01-25 18:54:19

#catstr #cats
https://m.primal.net/Nzwl.jpg

2025-01-24 22:30:45

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#audiobooks #cats #catstr

2025-01-24 19:07:48

#cats #catstr
https://m.primal.net/NyQm.jpg

2025-01-23 19:53:04

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Calculating how long until my kids are out of the crosshairs

2025-01-23 18:55:50

#catstr #cats
https://m.primal.net/Nwkk.jpg

2025-01-22 19:50:24

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in America we were the first generation in a while that wasn't drafted. hopefully many more.

2025-01-22 18:32:11

#catstr #cats
https://m.primal.net/NvCs.jpg

2025-01-21 17:23:27

https://m.primal.net/NtHa.jpg
Got my first zap thanks to puhcho@puhcho.org!
#catstr

2025-01-20 16:56:31

#catstr
https://m.primal.net/NrBG.jpg

2025-01-18 17:08:10

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Way more impressive than those with zero Twitter followers

2025-01-18 16:43:09

https://m.primal.net/Nmgp.jpg

2025-01-17 21:11:35

Princess the Cat's third adventure audiobook.
https://youtu.be/Z1EFAWBbGPY?list=PLUoJwNHM5Xyx7svK_eCPSMJixGX4fxpB5

2025-01-17 17:05:54

Audiobook of Princess the Cat's second adventure on youtube.
https://youtu.be/JIBg7g29SMk?list=PLUoJwNHM5Xyx7svK_eCPSMJixGX4fxpB5

2025-01-17 16:21:29

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watt were you doing there?

2025-01-17 16:19:19

Available everywhere for audiobooks, but you can also listen to Princess the Cat's first adventure on the youtubes.
https://youtu.be/JgDjIjgXYoU?list=PLUoJwNHM5Xyx7svK_eCPSMJixGX4fxpB5

2025-01-16 21:59:06

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following now

2025-01-16 21:55:27

Yes, cats will definitely do that
https://youtu.be/f_PwcnM_-mk?t=139

2025-01-16 21:54:39

Princess the Cat Insider, Volume 1, Edition 1. - The Paleo Diet and the Feline Diet Compared.
Princess the Cat told me to share this old post with you.🐈
The Paleo Diet vs. the Feline Diet and What it Means to You.
The idea behind the popular Paleo Diet is that if humans eat what their ancestors ate, they would naturally be healthier.
Like all things in life, there is some truth in this, but there is one big lie holding you back.
The truth about the Paleo Diet: In essence, you eat a whole lot of bacon. Notice how similar this is to your cat’s diet. This is a good sign.
The lie about the Paleo Diet: Your ancestors didn’t eat the Paleo Diet. They ate anything they could to survive. They ate grass, tree bark, and even cauliflower.
Once cats took on humans as servants, the human diet evolved to become more feline. This coincides with a sharp rise in human life-expectancy. What’s holding you back is that you still believe you should eat vegetables, which are nothing more than cultivated fancy-grass and cauliflower. The solution is simple. Replace all vegetables with catnip, and go make yourself and your cat some bacon.
Get Everybody to Do What You Want: Passive-Aggressive Lessons from the Master.
(First in a three-part series.)
You humans think that if you talk about your problems with each other that you will solve them. This is false. I’ve never said anything to my people, and yet they do what I want 99% of the time. So-called experts claim my tactics are “passive-aggressive.” I call them “effective.”
Tactic #1: Odious Reminders do the Trick.
When people make a mistake, I either go to the bathroom or cough up a fur ball on their doorstep. Or in their shoe. For you, this might mean putting a pile of dirty dishes on their bed. Without a word, you’ve said as much as: “I was trying to cook some bacon, but I couldn’t because you didn’t wash your dirty dishes. Wash them.”
Next time, I will reveal another tactic to get everybody to do what you want.
Ask Princess.
Question: How do I not spoil my grandchildren/nieces/nephews?
Answer: You give them a cat and a piece of string. In one action, you’ve provided them with never-ending fun. Also, you’ve put them on the path to becoming civilized, and you’ve saved a lot of money otherwise wasted on iPads, video games, and Pokemon cards. Additionally, parents love surprise pets!
Words for the Wise:
“Cats choose us; we don’t own them.”
-Kristin Cast (author, House of Night series)
(excerpted from now defunct website)