Estelle on Nostr: I often take decision-making out of other people's hands so that I can hurt myself ...

I often take decision-making out of other people's hands so that I can hurt myself before they get the chance to.

This means that I rarely have expectations in my relationships, and that I'm permanently surprised when people do what they say they'll do, or just do something nice for me out of the goodness of their heart.

What this has also historically meant for me, though, is that I have a habit of not expecting anything. Even when I should have had expectations. Even when I should have been prioritizing myself enough to ask for things, I didn't.

As a result, I've ended up in historically unhealthy relationships, or relationships where I didn't feel I could set bounddaries, because I didn't think they'd ever be respected.

I'm currently working on trying to fix this. But damn, it's hard...