Tally-wa on Nostr: The lack of sternness and consequences too. And YES about too much choice. That whole ...

The lack of sternness and consequences too. And YES about too much choice. That whole "gentle parenting" thing (which I get a different definition of everytime I talk to someone). Like, oh little Jimmy doesn't want to put on his shoe to leave. Now I'm expected to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to put on his shoe, and if I don't it's because I'm a lazy parent who doesn't want to do the work of looking into why my kid is throwing a tantrum every time he has one. No, little Jimmy, just put on the fucking show and let's go.

I've gotten told several times I use the word "no" too much with my kid, because his first word was no. And guess what? Half these people have children with behavioral problems and suddenly get diagnosed with autism from their school (but not actual medical diagnosis, those are too hard to get - a mom actually said this to me) and that label gives these parents who have never disciplined their kids an excuse for the behavior.

Not just discipline, but structure, and BOUNDARIES. I just talked to another friend with an older child who's kid was spitting, attacking, and biting her. She asked me my opinion because of my degree, saying she's tried gentle parenting, etc. for it, and I told her that she needs to teach her daughter it's not okay to do that and that her mom is a person who deserves not to be treated that way. So if she starts getting physical, put her in her room where she doesn't get the attention, take away events, ground her. Obviously trying to get to the bottom of the behavior "gently" isn't working. She told me that was borderline abusive. To let your kid NOT beat you up. So now her daughter is not getting taught to respect boundaries, and that also harms her daughter because that's also not teaching her how to hold boundaries. She's insistent her daughter has autism even though every professional in her life has evaluated this girl and she doesn't. But that explains her bad behavior, not her parenting, no.

Sorry for the novel. I could rant for days on this. Trying to raise your kid with structure and boundaries is frowned on and as a mom, I've heen getting so much backlash for it. Even though when a kid doesn't feel in charge and feels like they can rely on their parents, that we have it covered and they don't need to worry, it reduces anxiety and makes them happier.

(This comment is not going against actual autism diagnosis or saying anything negative about those kids. There is just a growing trend to get your kid falsely labeled with anything to explain their bad behavior when, coincidentally, those parents also give their child no consequences or structure and too much choice).