RayuDW :verified_gay: :fedora: :drgn_happy_blep: 🔜 NFC on Nostr: *sigh* Good thing first: New music is a good distraction rn. Job search and stuff is ...

*sigh* Good thing first: New music is a good distraction rn.

Job search and stuff is frustrating recently. Not because of not finding stuff but for noticing how much I reflected on myself recently. This in general isn't bad, it just makes me more vulnerable to my own inner critic and lack of self-confidence. Seeing a project you like using and then realizing all of the entire stuff was made by a single 16 year old Dev while you try to find what Skillset you have?

Normally, this is totally irrelevant, since I prefer personality over skills. However, I know I have my issues with getting this back in my mind when I'm heading a bit downwards in my mind :/

Or wanting to update your CV for new jobs and noticing the tool you recently used now has terrible UX cause they added AI stuff everywhere possible and the prior document created there can't be edited anymore and needs to be done from scratch again? Yeah.

Yeah, I retextured my VRChat avatar;
yes, I drive 4 people 15 hours to Sweden and was responsible for the road trip;
yes, I daily drive Linux for 1½ years already;
Yes, I organize little events in the area;
Yes, my last little party I planned escalated into a little FurDance and it was amazing to party like I want and made others happy too

This all however, is just "Yeah, anyone can do that and it's nothing special" often in my head, when I'm feeling down. And this is interesting, because I am aware what I can do but kind of blocking myself from that knowledge?

I just don't feel like I could say something like "I did this and am proud of it and show it around too". Because I feel like I'm not doing anything special. On the other hand, people are happy and have fun with the stuff I do, and this is the best possible outcome.

So, maybe I'm unable to fully "accept" it or get in in my mind somehow? Especially when I'm a bit sad or something?

*Sigh* Yes, reflection and growing stronger in mental space is tough and takes long. Sometimes, I'm just completely overwhelmed with it, it seems. Which is fine but also doesn't make sense in my head.

Anyways, thanks for reading my monologue TED Talk