I used to think the title of "Worst Game Ever" had tough contenders, but this one blow my low expectations out of the water and straight to hell.
At first, I thought, "Worst shooter ever? Or worst *game* ever?" After racking my brain for awhile, and considering all the terrible games I've played (trust me, it's a hefty list), this one crawled its way to the top.
Worse than [E.T. The Extraterrestrial](https://www.mobygames.com/game/8874/et-the-extra-terrestrial/) for the Atari 2600? Absolutely -- at least that's technically playable with the manual. Worse than [Desert Bus](https://www.mobygames.com/game/65036/desert-bus/)? Yes, I'd rather spend days driving a virtual bus through the desert than spend five minutes with ZIP. Worse than [Bubsy 3D](https://www.mobygames.com/game/4948/bubsy-3d/)? You bet -- at least Bubsy was trying.
No, ZIP goes above and beyond the call of failure, managing to get *every single thing* about game design wrong. Allow me to highlight a few of its impressive sins
* enemies that are invulnerable to fire
* enemies that hide into the background
* enemies that just appear on screen and instantly kill you
That last one? I've never encountered such contempt for a paying customer -- ever. No warning, no build-up. Just *poof* -- dead.
But oh man, if gaming was a religion, this game would be forged in the most unholy pits of malignant heresy. One of which is: if you're making a vertical shooter, don't force it on a horizontal rectangle that takes up only half your screen's real estate. Should you commit this sin, don't blasphemously use giant sprites.
And let's talk about boss fights that repeat every level, showing off the same dumb pattern over and over, easier than the minions you face earlier.
If game design was a sacred art, ZIP would be the heretic whose very existence curses the medium. Think I'm done yet? Oh boy, I got more complaints.
The top of the screen jitters like it's about to fall off. My own eye twitched in sympathy. Fast, random flashes of white light threaten to send photo-sensitive players straight to the ER.
There is no music, just a relentless pulsing hum that drills directly into your soul. And this is only interrupted by abrasive sound effects that are torment to the ears.
And the controls? Good luck. The ship moves is slower than a slug overdosing on Valium. You can't avoid enemies collisions -- that's a pipe dream. You will die. Instantly. Over and over again.
"How did you survive?" you ask. I used an invincibility cheat. I *never* chat in games, but ZIP forced my hands. I needed invincibility to withstand just a few seconds of this train wreck.
Cool Soft developed this game. Let me tell you, there's nothing cool about Cool Soft. They're the most *uncool* folks you could hang around.
Look, just don't play this game. You might think, "How bad could it be?" If I got this game as a Christmas present in 1987, I'd still be in therapy now. Avoid ZIP -- it's cursed.
