Tattie on Nostr: There's a phenomenon that causes transmasc and transfem discourse to sometimes rub up ...

There's a phenomenon that causes transmasc and transfem discourse to sometimes rub up against each other, and that's something I'd like to label *false symmetry*. This is basically the premise that since we're going in "opposite gender directions" our experiences must somehow be opposite.

There's a popular oversimplification I see going round a lot that says that due to societal misogyny, feminine is seen as the worst thing a boy can be, whereas masculine traits in girls are lauded. Too many transfems see this and assume therefore that transmasc childhoods are so much easier than theirs, with every departure from femininity laughed off with a gentle "oh she's such a *tomboy*".

No. Listen to actual transmasc experiences.

I've also seen transmasc folks talk about being silenced, talked over, threatened for being a "girl", as if it were a completely alien experience to transfems. Again, no. My friends, that was something I very much experienced as well.

It shouldn't be that big a leap to understand that childhood is pretty shit for *any* trans person. But oh! The draw of symmetry.

Similarly, our presents, our futures. Transfems feel keenly how misogyny crystallises against us as we transition. We see how we are barged past and patronised and stared, a far more immediate and automatic misogyny than we're accustomed to. And we sometimes presume that our transmasc friends are "transitioning into privilege", gaining the immediate respect that we're losing.

And, like, maybe there's *some* experiences that correlate to that expectation? But I see many more transmascs transitioning to visibly queer, soft-spoken guys that *aren't* rewarded with freely-given masculine respect.

The term that leads to the stickiest arguments is that of "female socialisation", which many transmascs vibe with as a description of how they were (and continue to be) policed. But! So many transfems bristle at this because of the fear of being branded "male-socialised" by symmetry, which let's be clear is a term which TERFs have absolutely claimed as their own by now, as a weapon to silence us.

I reject the false symmetry. I accept that many of my transmasc friends feel they were female socialised. I personally feel I was socialised as a weird genderless creature that was only celebrated for its academic achievements and told to shut up in any other sphere of life. 🤷‍♀️

Because gender *isn't* symmetrical, actually, and privileges are only awarded to a subset of men who can actually perform masculinity "right". And we are all on strange and complicated journeys where we're perceived as female, male, neither or both, and policed in contradictory and ever-shifting ways. In that way our experiences are far more similar than we are opposite.