🎃 Stark +053 (Fearful) 🏴‍☠️ on Nostr: Seems I couldn't send messages or get my posts to show up starting around yesterday ...

Seems I couldn't send messages or get my posts to show up starting around yesterday morning, except for certain users. Issue ongoing.

I bet someone can help me fix whatever's making relays not work properly here - but can they help me raise awareness about malicious system design? Probably not. Everyone seems to talk about related topics but never really think this through.

Before testing it, I WASN'T sure if the nostr SOFTWARE was real or fake, but now I can confirm it lines up with my best guess: fake, centralized, censored. Secretive and insidious, always making the censorship look accidental.

I WAS sure the nostr COMMUNITY would be mostly fake - I didn't see any chance of it being completely fake, or real. I just thought it obviously had to be in the middle. It's surprisingly painful to find out the community is as fake as it is.

What do I mean by "real" or "fake" or "mostly fake?" Let me be clearer. I knew it wouldn't be sunshine and rainbows where everybody does a great job at everything they do. But I didn't think everybody would be doing mediocre jobs or worse across the board, with some people knowing enough, and some people caring enough, but nobody knowing AND caring enough to develop anything of high quality beyond the corest of core concepts (npub/nsec keys)

I thought I'd find some people doing high-quality work to develop a decentralized platform, while getting interference from other devs and no appreciation from dumbass users flocking to shit-quality stuff. So, there would be a bit of truth to the idea of a community of decentralized protocol enjoyers working on something good for the world. Mostly bullshit, but not like this.

Maybe the future of nostr will have more people like me. Maybe I wasn't wrong, just early.

Early can be wrong - especially when you're actually late. I should have put more time into this by now. If only I had known I was needed here. And yet, anyone else who might show up will be even later than me.

It's always hard for me to admit nobody else is on my level. Maybe this is because I'm not immune to social conditioning by everyone else. The idea that I'd be the realest nostr pioneer seemed like some silly intrusive thought I should ignore. So that narrowed down the possibilities to just one left for me to consider: there must be others working on nostr the same ways I would, or better. Those people would be on nostr to find, with the question being "how many?" but the answer NOT being "just me."

My self-doubt was exploited by the nostr community the same as always.

I guess I should accept that nobody else is on my level. It seems pretty clear at this point: the English language has died off around me, but lives on in me.

I know what "free speech" is. I know what "decentralization" is. I know what "censorship" and "resistant" mean. I'm capable of telling truth in an era where nobody else can. This doesn't seem random, so I guess before I die I'm supposed to somehow use the power of language to save the world for the handful of people I love? I hope so. This is pretty horrifying.

Can I help anyone learn the critical thinking skills to see for themselves how nostr's design is malicious and imagine the drastic changes needed even without me holding their hand through it?

Would there be anyone to use a functional version of nostr with me, or would it die after getting support from nobody else because I'm the only one that actually knows and cares about what I'm talking about enough to do anything?

Why am I in this position? How did DNA dice rolls produce these billions of other people, and then me way over here and Digit way over there in totally different configurations from each other and everyone else?

Am I going to die before I can fix nostr? Can I finish designs for an improved nostr ecosystem? Would digit see it? Would she think that's cool at all? The other questions didn't really matter I guess. I don't care if the world wants my help, I just hope digit enjoys shit I do while I'm alive, and trying fruitlessly to fix social media might be cool to her I guess.

Thanks for listening to me type myself through these feelings, nobody