Its a weird morning.
I spent most of yesterday advocating for my child. He is 17 and autistic. He is unable to do a lot of things himself, pretty much denied an education, struggling. He is autistic, but not autistic enough to get help from other sources, just from me.
I'm autistic, adhd, multiple physical health challenges. I had a good, varied career until stress and bullying led to a mental health breakdown that I have never recovered from.
So this morning, awake early as usual, I found myself watching random videos on youtube - something I rarely do, my brain doesn't let me sit still long enough for that, but today my brain did. Watching travel vids mostly.
I have never travelled. I live in Scotland, explored a lot of it. Been to a few places in England. Thats it. I have never been abroad, this is where the shame comes in - I have been mocked most of my life when I admit that, so go on, bring it, shame me for it, I don't care. But watching a few videos this morning, I created a bucket list, nothing super expensive, but still unrealistic for me.
Mortality - my sister who was 8 years older than me died at 42, my dad died at 65, my mum at 72. Dying young seems to be a thing in my family, so at 45, with health getting worse month by month. There are a few things I really want to do.
Unfortunately, I will likely never achieve them since I have to care for my son who can't leave the house now due to his own struggles.
So thank you to everyone who shared there bucket list thoughts with me. For me, I would dearly love to visit Orkney and or Shetland. Nothing extreme, but being poor and not being able to drive, its never going to happen.
Why am I sharing this? because my brain is fucked and if I don't share it, I will stress over these thoughts, and also because if you are Orkney or Shetland based, I would really love to see some photos of the area, so I can imagine being there.
Fi /
npub12e…usjuu
2024-11-28 10:30:43
Author Public Key
npub12e0jvq4hr0wvm757san5tkx3lqarl7t4d0v7d480pumgfvmn2v4skusjuuPublished at
2024-11-28 10:30:43Event JSON
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"content": "Its a weird morning. \nI spent most of yesterday advocating for my child. He is 17 and autistic. He is unable to do a lot of things himself, pretty much denied an education, struggling. He is autistic, but not autistic enough to get help from other sources, just from me. \nI'm autistic, adhd, multiple physical health challenges. I had a good, varied career until stress and bullying led to a mental health breakdown that I have never recovered from. \nSo this morning, awake early as usual, I found myself watching random videos on youtube - something I rarely do, my brain doesn't let me sit still long enough for that, but today my brain did. Watching travel vids mostly. \nI have never travelled. I live in Scotland, explored a lot of it. Been to a few places in England. Thats it. I have never been abroad, this is where the shame comes in - I have been mocked most of my life when I admit that, so go on, bring it, shame me for it, I don't care. But watching a few videos this morning, I created a bucket list, nothing super expensive, but still unrealistic for me. \nMortality - my sister who was 8 years older than me died at 42, my dad died at 65, my mum at 72. Dying young seems to be a thing in my family, so at 45, with health getting worse month by month. There are a few things I really want to do. \nUnfortunately, I will likely never achieve them since I have to care for my son who can't leave the house now due to his own struggles. \nSo thank you to everyone who shared there bucket list thoughts with me. For me, I would dearly love to visit Orkney and or Shetland. Nothing extreme, but being poor and not being able to drive, its never going to happen. \nWhy am I sharing this? because my brain is fucked and if I don't share it, I will stress over these thoughts, and also because if you are Orkney or Shetland based, I would really love to see some photos of the area, so I can imagine being there.",
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