There are two very different things going on here, both of which I did allude to, because I was trying to honestly capture my emotion in words at the time I was feeling it.
One is self-judging through an imaginary external perspective. This is one of the worst things we do to ourselves. And you're right, we learn it from birth onwards, especially in religious homes that believe in some form of original sin (or sin at all). The imaginary external perspective is God, but because the parents believe and accept this judgement, they in turn model it for and onto their children.
Intellectually, I reject this kind of judging (from any imaginary external source, whether it is God, a parent, someone I respect, really anyone that I believe could have an opinion about my actions that has not directly shared that opinion with me).
That doesn't mean that I am immune to feeling that judgement emotionally. Again, this is learned - over years, decades, and reinforced in society. Yesterday I was definitely feeling it, and I can accept that, while rejecting it from a philosophical stance.
The other thing happening was a feeling that I was failing by my own standards. I couldn't even pinpoint where that was happening, which means it may have been more of the externally judged feeling overflowing its banks, and making me want to assume that I should also feel some sense of personal shame.
Where it may have come from is my personal prime directive - to serve as an example to my children. It is hard to feel confident in that while also feeling some broad sense of external shame.
A couple tricks to get through these times - 1. Work. Physical or even mental labor. 2. Do something that helps someone else.
And most importantly (and often forgotten) 3. Accept the feeling. Whatever you or I am feeling is valid, even when comes from invalid assumptions. By accepting the feeling, you can then address how you came to feel that way. If you reject the feeling, you don't give yourself that opportunity, and will just continue to feel that way whenever faced with similar circumstances.
Accepting feelings are learning moments. It is part of accepting responsibility for ourselves.
Sedj
npub12m…3zem9
2024-08-20 16:21:05
in reply to nevent1q…qv6g
Author Public Key
npub12mx9etcam5cjrpv3p6duqucmff23jeznksll5523fhp6hl6m8mqs83zem9Published at
2024-08-20 16:21:05Event JSON
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"content": "There are two very different things going on here, both of which I did allude to, because I was trying to honestly capture my emotion in words at the time I was feeling it.\n\nOne is self-judging through an imaginary external perspective. This is one of the worst things we do to ourselves. And you're right, we learn it from birth onwards, especially in religious homes that believe in some form of original sin (or sin at all). The imaginary external perspective is God, but because the parents believe and accept this judgement, they in turn model it for and onto their children.\n\nIntellectually, I reject this kind of judging (from any imaginary external source, whether it is God, a parent, someone I respect, really anyone that I believe could have an opinion about my actions that has not directly shared that opinion with me).\n\nThat doesn't mean that I am immune to feeling that judgement emotionally. Again, this is learned - over years, decades, and reinforced in society. Yesterday I was definitely feeling it, and I can accept that, while rejecting it from a philosophical stance.\n\nThe other thing happening was a feeling that I was failing by my own standards. I couldn't even pinpoint where that was happening, which means it may have been more of the externally judged feeling overflowing its banks, and making me want to assume that I should also feel some sense of personal shame.\n\nWhere it may have come from is my personal prime directive - to serve as an example to my children. It is hard to feel confident in that while also feeling some broad sense of external shame.\n\nA couple tricks to get through these times - 1. Work. Physical or even mental labor. 2. Do something that helps someone else.\n\nAnd most importantly (and often forgotten) 3. Accept the feeling. Whatever you or I am feeling is valid, even when comes from invalid assumptions. By accepting the feeling, you can then address how you came to feel that way. If you reject the feeling, you don't give yourself that opportunity, and will just continue to feel that way whenever faced with similar circumstances.\n\nAccepting feelings are learning moments. It is part of accepting responsibility for ourselves.",
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