k. on Nostr: lets assume my inbox is jellyfish relay which is paid. and im subscribed there. you ...

lets assume my inbox is jellyfish relay which is paid. and im subscribed there.

you want to send me a dm. if the relay only checks the p tag, anybody can send me dms and spam me.

but if check the sender is subscribed as well, it can control who is sending the dm.

my last idea (which i think you believe hurts the privacy): make sure the publisher is whitelisted using auth.

if people trust that the relay won't log the information, it won't hurt the privacy.