I'm going through something awful and unexpected, and I'm not feeling very capable at the moment.
My brother died suddenly. My last living original family. Looks like it might be a drug overdose. He and I were very close but also had a difficult relationship, and there was trauma from him when I was a child.
His adult daughter and son from different marriages have flown into town. I've never met them in all of these years. There is a very strange history... lots of misinformation, things said about me, tension due to my brother's various actions, and the son doesn't like me, it seems. He's taking care of all the details and I'm kept entirely out of planning or details of what he's up to. I feel, once again, the same old vibe I always get from family.
And there are mountains of issues and memories to process... this is a bit much.
And now they arrived in town, my niece texted me, and wants to have dinner with me.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I am financially stressed these days, can't deal with much, don't want them coming to my little apartment. The niece married into a rich family, the nephew makes a high income... I feel so out of place and as if from a different world than theirs. And they both are just meeting me more or less to give perfunctory respect.
I wish I could run away and hide. I'm older than both of them, feeling annoyed that they've communicated only necessary details with me, and I'm the one who knows most about my brother these days... I probably won't even get to see the inside of his home and what happened (feeling a need for concrete, literal, non-abstract information about him just for my own processing).
ActuallyAutistic group (npub1mew…tau6)
#actuallyautistic
stray autistic cat /
npub1tq…tmwd4
2023-08-17 21:17:04
Author Public Key
npub1tqn6spakccdyuluntfkz228vrezjw4kfjaax09x529v0lp2j52aqktmwd4Published at
2023-08-17 21:17:04Event JSON
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"content": "I'm going through something awful and unexpected, and I'm not feeling very capable at the moment. \n\nMy brother died suddenly. My last living original family. Looks like it might be a drug overdose. He and I were very close but also had a difficult relationship, and there was trauma from him when I was a child. \n\nHis adult daughter and son from different marriages have flown into town. I've never met them in all of these years. There is a very strange history... lots of misinformation, things said about me, tension due to my brother's various actions, and the son doesn't like me, it seems. He's taking care of all the details and I'm kept entirely out of planning or details of what he's up to. I feel, once again, the same old vibe I always get from family. \n\nAnd there are mountains of issues and memories to process... this is a bit much. \n\nAnd now they arrived in town, my niece texted me, and wants to have dinner with me. \n\nShit, shit, shit, shit, shit. I am financially stressed these days, can't deal with much, don't want them coming to my little apartment. The niece married into a rich family, the nephew makes a high income... I feel so out of place and as if from a different world than theirs. And they both are just meeting me more or less to give perfunctory respect. \n\nI wish I could run away and hide. I'm older than both of them, feeling annoyed that they've communicated only necessary details with me, and I'm the one who knows most about my brother these days... I probably won't even get to see the inside of his home and what happened (feeling a need for concrete, literal, non-abstract information about him just for my own processing).\n\nnostr:npub1mewd58tz390gcnw0ml99alkzzgcuj2yg9tdsjwt45zga54rtsj8qketau6 \n#actuallyautistic",
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