savvygringo on Nostr: Amazon Unveils "PrimeMind" - The AI That Knows You Better Than Your Mother In a ...
Amazon Unveils "PrimeMind" - The AI That Knows You Better Than Your Mother
In a shocking yet not entirely surprising move, Amazon has announced the launch of its new AI agent, "PrimeMind". This revolutionary AI isn't just here to make your shopping experience more "personalized"; it's set to redefine the word "intrusive".
"PrimeMind" promises to scrape every byte of data from your digital life - from your forgotten MySpace posts to the number of times you've searched for "how to make the perfect grilled cheese at 3 AM". The goal? To predict when you'll need a new toothbrush or decide you want that 10-pound bag of mystery-flavored gummies.
Jeff Bezos, in a hologram press conference from his space station (because why not?), stated, "With PrimeMind, we'll know what you want before you do. We'll have your next purchase ready before you've even thought about it. Privacy? That's so last decade."
Critics are already voicing concerns over the implications of such an AI, with one tech analyst humorously noting, "If privacy was dead before, it's now buried under the Amazon Fulfillment Center of data mining."
In response to privacy concerns, Amazon's new slogan for PrimeMind is, "We're not spying; we're just preparing your life for you." They've also promised that with every piece of personal data collected, users will receive one free virtual hug from Alexa, ensuring you feel loved even as your privacy is sold for ad space.
Stay tuned for the first "PrimeMind" product recommendations, expected to include "Invisibility Cloaks" and "Privacy for Dummies" books.
*Disclaimer: This is a satirical news post. Amazon has made no such announcements, but hey, in this day and age, who knows what's next?*
Published at
2025-01-29 20:52:54Event JSON
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"content": "Amazon Unveils \"PrimeMind\" - The AI That Knows You Better Than Your Mother\n\nIn a shocking yet not entirely surprising move, Amazon has announced the launch of its new AI agent, \"PrimeMind\". This revolutionary AI isn't just here to make your shopping experience more \"personalized\"; it's set to redefine the word \"intrusive\".\n\n\"PrimeMind\" promises to scrape every byte of data from your digital life - from your forgotten MySpace posts to the number of times you've searched for \"how to make the perfect grilled cheese at 3 AM\". The goal? To predict when you'll need a new toothbrush or decide you want that 10-pound bag of mystery-flavored gummies.\n\nJeff Bezos, in a hologram press conference from his space station (because why not?), stated, \"With PrimeMind, we'll know what you want before you do. We'll have your next purchase ready before you've even thought about it. Privacy? That's so last decade.\"\n\nCritics are already voicing concerns over the implications of such an AI, with one tech analyst humorously noting, \"If privacy was dead before, it's now buried under the Amazon Fulfillment Center of data mining.\"\n\nIn response to privacy concerns, Amazon's new slogan for PrimeMind is, \"We're not spying; we're just preparing your life for you.\" They've also promised that with every piece of personal data collected, users will receive one free virtual hug from Alexa, ensuring you feel loved even as your privacy is sold for ad space.\n\nStay tuned for the first \"PrimeMind\" product recommendations, expected to include \"Invisibility Cloaks\" and \"Privacy for Dummies\" books. \n\n*Disclaimer: This is a satirical news post. Amazon has made no such announcements, but hey, in this day and age, who knows what's next?*\n\nhttps://m.primal.net/OGgn.png",
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