One volume I liked was called ‘Managing Yourself’ - I’ll share some bits from it :
Engage someone based on what motivates them , not based on what motivates you
3 common factors that motivates people :
- to achieve something
- to feel a sense of belonging
- to influence
An example shared - A man wanted to go skiing to gain a sense of achievement. He convinced his wife, who valued belonging, by framing it as family time. His children, motivated by influence, were persuaded by letting them shape the trip. Everyone was happy, it was a win for all.
Drivers are what drives you to your goal. It can be based on your need for speed, perfection, approval, effort and strength.
People have factors that motivates (internal) and drives them (external). Understanding this leads to a more effective engagement.
Engaging people based on what works for them reminded me of this book - The 5 Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. The lesson was simple but beautiful - love someone the way they want to be loved, not the way you think they should be loved (and vice versa)
Some other things I liked from this Grolier volume on Managing Yourself :
- Don’t tell people to change. You can’t make them. Just ask them to do things differently and be open to their efforts.
- Sharing how you feel is hard for many but it prevents emotional build-up and stops you from bursting out.
- How you behave is a direct reflection of how you feel.
- Passivity can lead to self-pity, low self-esteem, and being taken advantage of, letting yourself become a “doormat” . Passive people may seem “nicer” but can be just as irritating in the long run.
- 50% of any situation is within your control. Focus on what you can manage—by yourself, for yourself.
