Fragment on Nostr: I’ve noticed quite a few anti-c people mention being survivors of sexual abuse. It ...

I’ve noticed quite a few anti-c people mention being survivors of sexual abuse. It got me thinking of how our personal experiences can shape our contact stances (well duh).

For me? I don’t think I could have anything other than a positive view of age gap relationships. When I was 16 I grew close to a 13 year old boy (which was legal where I lived) and he initiated sexual contact with me. We stayed friends after and there was no awkwardness at all. In fact, the entire experience was heavenly and at a time I was struggling with being gay, it contributed to saving my life.

It was only a 3 year age gap, but I felt the more relevant factor was that at 13, he had been capable of consent. Years later, he’s married with kids, he was never actually gay, and when I sent him a “hi” he responded in a friendly way.

I’ve never been in the position of the younger person. But every experience I’ve had has confirmed my convictions. Yet if I generalize my experiences and ignore stories of abuse, I’m being ignorant. Yet can’t the reverse also be said to be true?

I can’t say that intimate contact with a minor will always be a morally sound decisions. Yet my lived experiences let me know that it can be. They’re why I could never be anti-c. From before I even identified as a “BL”, before contact labels even existed, I knew that what I was doing wasn’t inherently wrong. And as I realized how society sought to sanction such behavior I could only see it as society being in the wrong. It’s no different to laws against sodomy.

If anyone had had my experiences, I think it’s very likely they’d feel the same way. Agreeing to current laws, or adopting any kind of strong anti-c position would just be lying to myself and denying my own experiences. I’d feel no different to the “ex-gays”.