Violet Rose (she/her) on Nostr: I've been having an interesting experience lately that has me thinking. Recently, ...

I've been having an interesting experience lately that has me thinking. Recently, I've befriended one of my followers, who also happens to be suffering minorship. Putting it purely honestly, her life sucks right now. Her parents treat her horribly, she has no trusted IRL friends, she had a bad breakup recently, etc. And I'm noticing that, purely organically and with no ill intentions, I'm acting out a common grooming stereotype:

- Yes, they *are* mistreating you and don't understand you
- You deserve better than this
- *I* care about you, at least
- I'm happy to be there to listen when you feel bad
- You're so much smarter than the people around you

And so on, like that. But seriously, *those things are all just true*! And it really gets me wondering how much of that stereotype is exactly what it claims others do - foment mistrust, isolate - but it's actually the *parents* who want exclusive control and relevance, and warn against all others who might jeopardize their grip on what they see as their property? "I'm the one who really loves you, all the others just want something from you, so I'll never let you go" - sound familiar?

There are real predators, obviously. We all know that. But it really makes you think, when most of the common grooming warning signs they tell people about amount to just being a good and supportive friend to someone being mistreated. And, the more they're mistreated, the more they really badly *need* someone who actually cares and supports them for them, without a raft of expectations and conditions attached.

When two sides are both saying the other is being manipulative, perhaps asking which one is making people miserable and oppressing their autonomy is a good way to tell who the real abuser is. After all, someone aiming to isolate a victim dislikes independence and free thought at any time it doesn't benefit them. But, between parents and outside friends or partners? Only one of them you're allowed to leave.