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2023-12-27 22:18:22

Melanie on Nostr: So for me it's always a gut punch whenever I discover a mutual has unfollowed me. ...

So for me it's always a gut punch whenever I discover a mutual has unfollowed me. Particularly if it's someone I thought was a friend.

The unfollow = an instant sledgehammer of RSD followed by lingering stress & anxiety.

Bc of course my brain spirals into immediate self-loathing. Did I do something wrong? Are they just sick of me? That little voice in my head sneers, "See, this is proof everybody hates you..."

(they don't - but my brain absolutely does)

But here's the thing: when a mutual unfollows me, I feel compelled to unfollow back.

I worry they'll think I'm being petty & vindictive. It's not that.

It's that I feel awkward & embarrassed. I read the unfollow as a clear "go away" signal. To keep following feels like I'm still hanging around even tho all the social cues are screaming "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE JUST LEAVE."

So I unfollow & slink away in shame - a feeling that never quite fades away.

#ActuallyAutistic #SocialAnxiety #RSD
Author Public Key
npub1h59jqwta4ap06jl30gg44sx3rslgsyrxaa0wk47wkdhjaz0a9cgqkdkdcd