I ate some mushrooms and went to the redwoods Friday night seeking something I had lost in the past seven years. I had been brought to a crossroads where I knew my life was about to change irrevocably, and knew what the next steps would be, as difficult as they had seemed before that evening, and I truly had what I can only explain as a sort of burning bush moment. Like full out stumbling lost in a walkabout, a rainbow forest that unfurled before me and brought me to tears at seeing the beauty of my life, the deep connections I have, and the world around me—going from wailing for appreciation, to laughing like a madman at the absurdity of my ego constantly stealing my most valuable asset, time, to confronting the darkness I had nurtured for so long at having given up to the lullabies of the evolutionary behavorist’s confines of determinism.
I got to meet all parts of my self: the child in me and my true self that has tried to shine through in this world; my ego with its interminable need for attention and desire to belabor my perspective to others to make them do the work; my shadow aspect and all of its sneaky, dark, and dishonorable traits; and above all how time is a flat circle, where I choose at each junction to either live in one of those aspects throughout the entirety of my timeless life.
I guess as we all try to rewrite in some cosmic quantum way I don’t yet grok a different timeline than the predestined one we maybe have even lived before—and where I am now, and always have been, constantly presented with this option—where the universe is saying to me “do you want the gifts that are meant for you?”
And for so many years I’ve been like “no, not just yet. I still want to try this way first because I’m convinced it will work this time.”
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I’m starting to believe this is a school, where we are being offered a chance from the simulation we are in, and one day we will all master our parts within it.
And I got to really see what I have done the past six or seven years as I took this great detour from what I had been building, and walked away from yet another relationship, an really important one this time, because I still couldn’t a.) trust another human to be competent enough to witness what I was, and b.) trust myself to stay present in the real world.
And in doing that breaking two hearts as she fought for a year to pull me out of it, I just went forward further into my isolationist world, fighting to believe it was the right decision—but having been faced with someone who loved me enough to hold a polished mirror up to me before she walked away and show me who I was beyond the fantasy construct of self I had lived in.
We don’t handle cognitive dissonance well as human, especially when it’s deeply personal and potentially life-altering—so I fought it, grasping for a foundation that supported my denial, and validated my choice to go it alone again.
But this time it slipped through my fingers like sand, and as the years went on, the truth is I slowly lost my mind, and moved through the world increasingly like a scanner darker, split minds where one was locked in a bunker, and the other ultimately seeking escape via reconnecting with a community online to focus solely on building wealth in preparation as we all began to collectively witness the empire begin to fray and show the early signs of collapse.
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Bitcoin has taught me the value of time, and work, and habits—and above all it grievingly given me a ledger to calculate all my losses. I can still pull up and see decisions I made. And I believe I needed that—coming from my upbringing—to have a third-party diary shared across the globe of the ways I chose to vote with my money, in order to truly own my decisions, and become a man
I found an ancient email this morning with an old pubkey of mine from 2012 that I used on Silk Road. 23.2btc I exchanged for a 3 grams of ketamine. Expensive shit at $505k a gram. And that was just one wallet. I checked every input to those transactions, even followed the wallets out for some time, and non of them hold any coin in them today either.
But I no longer mourn this stuff like I once did. Oh, how I used to grieve. Full on Bitcoin Derangement Syndrome for years. It was part of my journey. I’m just grateful it was there when I needed and sent me along an emotional rollercoaster that woke me from the addiction monster that ruled me for so, so many years.
And today I’m honestly glad to just be one of the people actually using the network since 2011. We all played our part in building this network, as well and the community that has solidified above all around the principle of exercising our human right to communicate value outside of those parasitic institutions that live to excise taxes from our work.
Bitcoin thrives because principles first are placed above our myriad personalities and personal drives. And I trust that architecture. I trust the architects still striving. And I surely trust the original architect (I know you are still out there), and the minds that went into developing this modern network based on ancient laws regarding usury. Religious people know it then, but struggle to demand their freedoms from such. We thrive today because it still lives. We have summoned back into our technological world a means to support and carry these interminable (and on a deeper level even genetically programmed) ideals, and via a creative solution created a system wherein we can take back our ability to vote for our futures.
So, I decided that above all, I had to put that principle to work. To take the time I do have and use it do build a better life, not just for myself, but for my extended family, my close friends, the woman I am falling for (my apocalypse companion), and surely for my communities—both locally, and those who am connected to via my node, where my vote in this world is no longer trivial.
And so after sitting on it for two days, I decided to make a commitment to myself to live presently from here on, because that’s the gift that bitcoin allows me to do. It gave me a life much better than I could have dreamed of within the construct that having been a dissident in my nation for so long I had found myself imprisoned within.
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And now, no longer imprisoned anymore, and remembering that I am a free man, with inalienable rights that can’t be taken, I took a different fork.
So this morning I cut ties with Twitter indefinitely, because those commons have been poisoned, as we are in a information war where terrorists set complex intellectual landmines that have drained so many of those I know (including myself), of all brilliance. They are no longer contributing to their local world. They are unwitting soldiers lost in a battlefield, taking that war home at night, where it keeps them awake and pillages the emotional and spiritual energy. Thus I made a commitment myself to step outside the matrix of all media, to only make use of the tools that technology has been offered, and to be a voice of reason in my world to unplug from the fantasies that are consuming us. The world beyond the black mirror isn’t real. It’s a means to collectively brainwash the minions into believing there is only one of a few ways forward.
It’s simply not true.
I believe NOSTR is the last refuge for the moment, to share with friends and communicate with my ethically-relative cohort, that seeks above all to bring principles of monetary freedom back to this earth, and force an avenue via simplified code that reminds others that with just the smallest amount of responsibility, they can own not only their right to save value with others who believe in the same rights—without having other institutions reach into that liquidity and create excise taxes on every transaction man makes with his neighbor—but also maybe more down the road. Maybe common law, with borders we agree on, that makes a world without entities centralized on the backs on hundreds of millions, leaving them political aliens.
I appreciate you all—for all you’ve done to help share your learning experience with others, as we interpret and evaluate exactly what all is possible when you create a system amongst the people of the world outside of the box that we have been forced into by our sly rulers for millennia—the clerics, politicians, and bankers who have mastered the art of tricking the less aware into a believing they can’t live without a system of perpetual usury.
If you’ve read this far, bless you for taking the time to actually hear me. Please hit the like button, or drop a comment so I am made aware.
I have a deep and abiding agape love for all bitcoiners, even those I disagree with.
I won’t be around, but I’m leaving my contact information if anyone ever feels the need to reach out. And I will still check messages every now and then.
Until then, Godspeed friends.
I’ll see you in the citadels.
GPG: 0047 7E2A 0E5A 5F41 17FD 2887 6293 B6E0 EDB2 1212 — thesovereignfox@protonmail.com
