troy ada on Nostr: i had a thought experiment yesterday say you're a man, in an isolated village, and a ...

i had a thought experiment yesterday


say you're a man, in an isolated village, and a tribe of stronger, female marauders invade.

you get abducted by one of the raiders, for marriage purposes. she has done this to other men in other villages.

she has a harem of men, subordinate to her, all similar to you (she has a type), and she pays attention to all of them equally.

your needs are taken care of, you are safe, and you have a partner that will stay by your side. there's no threat of a man taking your wife, because the wife is the taker, she is in control as the superior and stronger sex.

there is no jelousy within the harem, because the raider woman does not allow discontent or animosity to form in her harem, she understands its unbeneficial to her. she distributes her affection to all her men.

under these circumstances, what threat would a man percieve for himself?

percieving no threat, i have come to the conclusion that the universal feature of sexual and romantic relationships, is one of guaranteed partnership.

the most important thing that people care about when looking for a partner, is assurance that they will keep their bond with that person indefinately.

its instinctual in humans, its a primordial trait. its as fundamental a need as shelter and food.

Monogamy is the dominant strategy in procuring this essential need. A two-way promise of loyalty is, and has been, the most effective way to procure it, which is why its so pervasive.

Its not some religious prison, or some patriarchal/matriarchal subjugation of the other sex. its simply the dominant strategy in attaining an essential need.

and this essential need is universal in all people, of both sexes. hence why women have put up with the above thought experiment, applied to them as the villager, for centuries.

Of course, if you are involuntarily taken, you will be miserable. We have evolved to also account for this, this day and age.

Men will desperately seek and court a woman they really like, and women will be really picky with men that approach them. We do this dating dance for years before we can compromise to legal exclusivity.

We are so picky because under this strategy of monogamy, picking wrong is devastating. Wasting years of your life on someone you don't even like, will lead you back to the shadows and desperation of dating, of looking for someone again. Having no one to love or to love you is hell, its the same fear you have when you have no where to live and try to find a home.

Most cultures have encompassed this fear, and perpetuate traditions made to secure partners for people. Indian mothers will create lists of suitors and plan their daughter's weddings for years. That village in asia where the women snatch men for their daughters. traditional western families that set up their sons and daughters with other friendly family's sons and daughters


Nowadays, there's a subversive superficiality in dating. "Wow her ass is perfect, i'll keep her". "Wow his dick is huge, what a keeper". "wow this person is objectively hot, if i date them i need to worry about keeping them and i can't fuck this up or its over for me".

People dont work like that. you can point to some "objetively hot" celebrity and say "yea id marry them", but you dont mean it, because you have your own subconcious tastes.

The natural way to look for a partner, is letting your subconcious decide who looks the best, who is easiest to spend time with, and who will give you that guarantee of indefinate bonding. that's it. that's all you have to do.

just a thought