Boadee on Nostr: When it really is Christmas I’ll never forget December 21st, 2012. Large snowflakes ...

When it really is Christmas

I’ll never forget December 21st, 2012. Large snowflakes were blowing around but not sticking yet. It was the day we excitedly drove to Roanoke, Virginia to pick up our little ray of sunshine at the hospital. Our van was full of kids except for one yet-to-be-filled car seat and that was about to change. Ever think about amazing things that don’t get headlines? I’ve experienced at least one memorable one: a cute and special little girl who became my daughter at first sight. My family came for her because she was left by her parents at the hospital. She was born with Down syndrome and autism so events led to us getting the call to foster and later adopt her. As we walked out of the hospital I remember telling my wife to pinch me because they were letting us take home this precious little girl and I needed to make sure it was real. We named her Malina but she has many nicknames: “Cheeney kin”, “Chin kin”, “Baby girl”, “Bae”, “Bae kin” (bacon), “Christmas”, “Sassy pants”, “Sassafrass”, “Sassy kin”, and “Naughty kin” are some favorites. I have two personal favorites: “Christmas” and “Her Stickyness”. I like “Her Stickyness” because its kind of a mix between “Her Highness” and lots of sticky hands (and everything else). The other terms of endearment originated from my wife and daughters, their favorite being Bae kin, a play on words as she has an affinity for bacon.

I also gave Malina the nickname “Christmas”. In early 2013 I remember Malina’s crib was right under a window in our small room. As she learned to stand up, at dawn we could see the silhouette of a little head and hands holding onto the crib. I would awake and tell my wife, “Look, it’s Christmas!” I would say that whenever I noticed her standing in the crib, waiting for us to come get her. What a season that was living in that tiny two bedroom house with 5 kids. Many will think that is crazy but we always wanted a big family, so there we were doing big family things and we loved it. We eventually built a larger house on our small property.

You know how some people don’t have a sense of time? That’s Malina. In fact, time for Malina is when she needs or wants something, then it’s all about her timing. But it’s not in any rude sort of way, she’s actually polite but persistent about whatever it is she might want or need, which isn’t hard to understand. It could be need for food, frustration from the days events or whatever. Although rare, she gives the best hugs. Also rare is her eye contact. You’d know you’re of special interest to her if she looks you directly in the eyes. She’s trying to communicate something important or shes just loving you. Those deep oceans of personality get lost in a persons soul, then she’ll quickly look away; but that’s just her.
We say that she gives therapy to those who know her. Had a bad day or a difficult encounter at work? Go get some Cheeney therapy. Prepare your heart because you need to be ready before you sit down with Malina for some of her therapy. It’s true, ask my wife!
I could not have make this stuff up! Honestly, when I’ve come home from a work day and feel awful about myself or something else, Malina is there and she always has time for Daddy. Even if she isn’t smiling or able to hug me, she has a gentle knowing when things aren’t well and comforts me where I’m at. If someone is sad or crying her eye contact increases as she seems to show empathy. She also knows she has this therapy gift. She seems to understand that she provides comfort but imposes a limit on how much she can or is willing to provide. I’m thankful for it and have no expectation. Her time with me doesn’t often involve facial expression or outward emotion. Sometimes she puts her leg across my legs for connection and becomes more observant. I’ve even had her sit down next to me to comfort me. Most of the time I go to her for hugs and she tolerates me wanting to give her a hug. And snuggling? It just doesn’t get any better my friend. She changes the world one hug at a time. The many therapists and her teachers we’ve had over the years have one thing in common. Almost all of them received Cheeney therapy, and they have told us the stories. Malina has a following now. And the food, oh the food. A favorite thing she’s been doing with daddy for years is that she and I eat guacamole, chips and salsa together. It’s definitely our thing. We have fun, me dipping the chips and handing them to her, her evaluating each one then eating it carefully. It makes eating so much more fun and while I might be creative, I couldn’t make this up. She’ll pretty much eat whatever I’m eating if I share with her. We do green smoothies too. And salad, which she never does alone. Every time is a great new father/daughter experience. See how grand the Cheeney life can be? We just need more children like her. I vote Malina for President.

Her autism seems to prevent her from very much direct eye contact but when she does gaze those huge brown eyes on you those are moments that stop time. And of course it’s in her time. We have rare moments of long eye contact when she wants to know whats going on. Bae kin has something spiritual going in there that I fail to fully comprehend though I’m not worried to find out, I fully accept that she’s just amazing and I’m just thrilled to be her daddy. One thing I see something that the world may not see in her is the song that is constantly in her heart. Malina has groove and she has moves too. When my oldest daughter puts on a disco, R&B or any groovy play list we’ll encourage dancing around our kitchen. When I was single I had dreams of having a large family and I wanted great memories. I’m thankful I get to spend time with with my family and her in it. You just can’t make this stuff up, it’s very special.

She uses no words to express but she communicates a ton. I have learned what “love your neighbor” truly means from her. My heart beats in her heart, outside my body as I think of the life and the love in abundance she brought to my family! Her two older sisters have been fierce protectors and playmates for her, always watching out for her and being helpful to my wife and I. My eyes can’t hold it all in. So I must share her with you.

I think of what the world doesn’t see in her that I can clearly see. I see abundant and overflowing meaning for life in every created being that the world can not, or refuses to see. I think of the adapted story of The Starfish Thrower, by Loren Eisley, where the the child is asked why he throws the starfish back into the ocean because it won’t make any difference to the thousands that have washed up on the shore during a terrible storm. The child replies, “Because it made a difference to that one.” My wife and I remember: at the hospital her mother did not want to abandon her little girl –her husband required her to. That was another story, details we were not privy to, however it was apparent her mother made a sacrifice to leave her. We met with her mom briefly and promised her we would care for her baby. So the starfish story has significance for us: we made a difference for this one. We cannot imagine our lives without her and my encouragement is for others to consider adoption if God leads you this way. James 1:27 reads “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” ESV

I think of the lessons in sacrificial love my family has made and continues to, especially my wife. I think of the rich character lessons we have learned because together we love and take care of Malina. It requires healthy boundaries and a lot of hard work and often it’s sticky. Is it worth it? If you haven’t guessed by now, it has been most definitely worth it. My observation is that Cheeney therapy works well because she doesn’t discriminate much on which kind of neighbor to love. It’s a great lesson for us too.

(Ps) I have pictures in the next few posts