CJ54 on Nostr: I had a brief moment of relief after kicking my cabinet door in, but then the anger ...

I had a brief moment of relief after kicking my cabinet door in, but then the anger returned. I still felt like punching people and/or getting punched. Punched my chair a few times then convinced myself to get outside.

Geared up for a 30F bicycle ride. Usually these rides make me happy but not today. Annoyances everywhere. People walking their dogs on extended leashes. Noisy construction. Cars on cars on cars during the morning rush.

Tried extra hard to avoid eye contact with everyone. No smiles and micro-nods today.

Bought a family size bag of Doritos. I never buy Doritos. Bought a frozen pizza and maruchan ramen.

Rode home and ate the entire bag of Doritos. Then convinced myself to mow my parent's lawn. Didn't get very far. First now of the year, mower needs new oil. No oil on hand.

Picked up dog poop and pinecones instead. Planning on picking up some oil tomorrow.

Not tired enough to sleep, but too depressed to work on the database issue. I have another project I could work on, but I can't stop thinking that it's an illth that shouldn't exist.

I'm taking bottom barrel jobs because I'm desperate to make more money. I'm getting paid about a dollar an hour because I devalue myself and don't stick up for myself. I don't tell people how much time the task will actually take, I just pick a dollar amount that seems like a price I could afford.

I can't wait till tomorrow. Today is bleh.