kgothatso on Nostr: An unexpected entry to the rinsers vs wipers internet saga. ...

An unexpected entry to the rinsers vs wipers internet saga.

quoting
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Was taking a shite at a mates house. Pebbledashed the bowl, hot brown slop, bit under the weather, whatever.
Yanked the loo roll, empty cardboard tube went spinning in it's holster like a Beyblade, I hold up the remains, three measly squares dangling in front of me like a hobo's hankerchief.
Scanned the bathroom for supplementry loo roll, nada.
Right, don't panic, recite the liturgy against fear: "fear is the mind killer" yada yada¸ ready myself for the task at hand.
I rip off the first square paying extra attention to the perforated line, I need a clean tear if I'm going to pull this off.

Wipe, fold (good start but don't get cocky kid)
Wipe, fold ( it's already quite small, not much surface area, but if I'm gonna come up out of this I need to maximise it's potential)
Wipe, fold (it's small as a stamp now, but trust me, you dont want to lick it)
Wipe, fold ( Through heat and compression it is now a diamond, time to move on to the next square)

Wipe, fold (Someone at the door "you okay in there?!)
Wipe, fold ( breathless and foaming at the mouth I blurt "WE GOT A TWO SQUARE WIPEFOLD!")
Wipe, fold ( more voices assembled now "Don't give up, you got this!" they insist)
"Wipe, fold" ( "I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!")

With all the care of a bomb disposal team, apply the last square, palm down, using back of my hand as an umbrella to shield from the torrent of sweat that is now cascading from my brow.

Wipe, fold ("You don't know that, don't say that." the encouragement continues)
Wipe, fold (I finally get bidet's now, but is it too late?!)
Wipe, fold ("I think we're okay" I say, awash with relief)
Wipe,fold (I can hear crying and cheering in equal measure on the other side of the door, someone was even calling their mother, and with that final wipe this nightmare was over, my hoop felt dry as a bone)

I don't talk to that mate anymore.