Sai on Nostr: Rando: RANT!!!!! Working full time. No university detours, no backpacking ...

Rando:


RANT!!!!!

Working full time. No university detours, no backpacking sabbaticals. I chose the straight path, the “responsible” one, the one society often quietly champions when it wants you to hurry up and be a functioning adult. So I did. No drinking, no clubbing, no “silly little purchases” to clutter my conscience. I spend thoughtfully, cautiously sometimes, not at all. And yet, here I am: genuinely struggling to eat two meals a day.

It’s humiliating, honestly. I’ve put groceries on payment plans. Think about that for a second?????? breaking up payments to buy eggs and pasta. I’ve stared at digital baskets, playing God with dinner ingredients, asking myself “what’s the cheapest way to feel full?” Not happy. Not healthy. Just full.

My friends? They’re out. Concerts, dinners, weekend getaways, shared stories with geotags. Me? I say “no” so often I’ve become a ghost at the group chat. Not because I’m antisocial. Not because I don’t want to be there. I physically cannot afford the transport there, let alone the meal or activity waiting on the other side of that journey.

And the worst part? I’m doing everything right by conventional standards. Working. Sacrificing. Living frugally. Avoiding debt wherever possible (although that’s a battle I’m losing now too). Still, the math just never adds up. I am stuck at the intersection of “doing enough” and “never enough.” Debt is piling not because I splurged, but because I existed.

This isn’t burnout. Burnout implies you had fire to begin with. This feels more like erosion. A slow chipping away of spirit. Of dignity. And what’s left is this hard, quiet question: How is this supposed to be normal?

Because I’m not lazy. I’m not wasteful. I’m not reckless. I love my life, I love my friends and I love where I live, but I’m miserable at the same time, money is a constant in the back of my head. I’m walking a 2 hour commute just to make it to work because I can’t afford the train fare, which has gone up in price again btw FFFFFFFFFUCK LONDON.

Honestly how are people affording to live, I work a full time job, share a flat with 4 people, and still feel like I need another full time job, I get paid a decent salary for my far and experience, one that is SUPPOSED to cover atleast a months worth of wages. People keep telling me to put money aside and save and invest in my future, BUT I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT HALFWAY THROUGH THE MONTH?!? After rent and groceries and transport and debt is paid I am genuinely left with nothing. How are people earning this much money?

I fucking hate it here.