NOTE: I get my inspiration from different events and studies in my life. I’m always worried that I will run out of inspiration, but never seem to do that. I always find something new and interesting to write about. If you have a question you want answered, please let me know and I will try to research and answer your question about the Bible.
The Bible tells us about the role of a wife and a husband in marriage. It also uses the analogy of a bride and a groom to explain the church’s relationship to Jesus. When I started looking at these two descriptions, I found that what the Bible says about woman & man, wife & husband, and marriage, tells us a lot about the relationship of the church to Jesus. In the same way, the description of the church and Jesus informs us about the role of the wife and the husband. There is a lot we can learn.
One of the key verses relating to these roles and analogies is Ephesians 5:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. **Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:22-33) {emphasis mine}
The sister verses are Colossians 3:18-22.
Many people, especially women, really have a hard time with Ephesians 5:22-23 that states, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.” Why does God say that wives should be subject to their husbands? God is a god of order. In any group of people, things work best when there is someone to lead because when there is disagreement, there has to be a final authority. Christ is the head of the church and He has placed the husband as head of the wife (family). This does not mean that the husband makes all decisions without considering the wife’s feelings, knowledge, or interests. A wise leader always uses the skills and knowledge of his followers and, unlike Jesus, the husband doesn’t know everything and can’t do everything himself.
We’ll see more about why God chose these positions below.
Definition of Marriage
Marriage was created from the very beginning so man could have a unity with another in following the pattern of the trinity of God. The trinity works together towards unified goals. They have fellowship. They have love towards one another.
but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:20b-25) {emphasis mine}
Man and woman are made one flesh just like the the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one God. Husband and wife each have their own position and responsibilities, just like the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit each have their own positions and responsibilities. Jesus dying for our sins and we repenting of our sins and believing in Him causes us to become one with Him in a similar way to a husband and wife, although the church won’t have full unity until we have been given our new, sinless bodies for eternity.
A Proverbs 31 Church
The most well known verse relating to what a Godly wife looks like is Proverbs 31. I will go through the verses and look at what each qualification is and how these qualifications can be applied to the church.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The church has a value far above jewels. It is the crowning jewel in God’s creation.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
The church should always be faithful to Jesus and always be available to be used by God to fulfill His will.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
The church should always be faithful to Jesus. It should obey His commands to do good and not evil, so it is always honoring what He did for them. The church is Jesus’s representatives on Earth.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
The church is not supposed to just sit around. The church is meant to work for God and to do His will. We are to look for what He is doing and join Him. It is to find joy in doing His will.
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
The church should share the Gospel with those near and far through direct sharing of the Gospel and supporting others who work full time in the ministry.
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
The church should always look out for the needs, especially spiritual needs, of others and should be willing to work, night and day, weekday and weekend, in this good work. Whether this is coming to the need of a friend in need, or waking at God’s call and praying in the middle of the night when we’d rather be sleeping, we need to always be open to the calling of God.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
The church is to act with an eternal purpose. We can’t just act on the moment, but we need to prepare for the future so we will always have the means to provide for needs physical and spiritual. Sometimes this planting is providing physically for one’s family, friends, and acquaintances. Sometimes this planting is planting spiritual seeds into the life of others through the gospel message and meeting the physical needs of others so that they will listen to the gospel message.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
God calls the church to be strong and prepared, but our battles are not primarily physical battles, but spiritual battles, so our preparations are different. Ephesians 6:10-20 talks about the armor of God. The most important tool is probably the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. If we don’t know God’s word, we are not strengthened for the work of God.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
The church should live lives that are productive. Lives won and lives changed should be a fruit of their actions. Even when hard times hit, the church should continue to shine for Jesus in His work. Our lives should be so different than our culture that we shine for Jesus like a light on a hill.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
The church is called to do its part in the work of the tapestry of life. It reminds me of the analogy given by Corrie Ten Boom of the tapestry of our lives. On one side, it looks messy. There are knots and strings and such and the pattern cannot be seen, but when the tapestry is turned over, there is a beautiful picture made in the stitches of the cloth. God has a design and we have to follow the design he has given us like a paint by numbers. We may not see the picture, but he does. We are just called to do the work He has assigned us.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
God cares about the poor and calls the church to take care of the poor, especially those like widows and orphans that can’t provide for themselves. God wants us to live lives where we can both meet the physical needs of the poor and supply their spiritual needs as well. If we don’t build up a certain level of physical and spiritual wealth, then we can’t meet the needs of others.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
The church should support its members physically and spiritually so they do not need to worry when hard times come. There should be such a spiritual difference that their lives stand out as different than the culture around them. Their spiritual difference should be so positive that it draws others to them.
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
The church’s clothing is not fancy clothes and jewelry, but it should be the godly works done in love that makes them stand out in a world of sin.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
If the church is doing its job, everyone arounds should hear the gospel message of Jesus Christ. We should never hear the words, “Oh, I didn’t realize you were a Christian.” We should be different than the world so we hear, “Oh, that’s why you are different.”
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
The church should be known for getting things done. This may being known as the employee that stays late, fills in, or does the thing that needs to be done, but isn’t really their job. It may mean they run a household that is loving and meets the physical, spiritual, and emotional needs of all its members. It may mean that the church meets the needs of each other and unbelievers.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
The church should not be afraid. Hard times are coming (and to a certain extent are here). We should never fear the future because we know God is in charge and in control. We know our eternity is assured, so illness, persecution, economic hardship, etc., should not cause fear. We should say like James, “*Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials*.” (James 1:2) {emphasis mine}
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
The church should always tell the truth, but tell it in a loving manner as stated in Ephesians 4:15a “but speaking the truth in love.” Of course, to tell the truth, it is necessary to know the truth, so we must study the Bible to know the truth. Other areas of expertise are nice and we should always seek excellence in everything we do, but Biblical truth is key.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
The church is to provide for each member’s personal family and the the greater Christian family. Christians should never be considered lazy. We not only have to work to provide for our families, but we have the extra responsibilities given to us by God to share the Bible and to provide for those in need.
Her children rise up and bless her;
The church should be fruitful and reproduce. We should be constantly sharing the gospel with others, so we can say like Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:22b, “I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some.” (Only God can save, but He includes us in His miraculous works.) These people that we have led to the Lord will rise up and bless us before the Father.
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
The church should act in such a way that we face Jesus at the marriage supper of Christ where He will say, “… ‘Well done, good and faithful slave…’” (Matthew 25:23)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
The church should be faithful to God and not seek to attract followers by sinful means like those of the worldly culture. Too often the church uses music, comedy, entertainment, pop-psychology, etc., to try to draw people to Christ instead of the gospel as shared by Jesus. We don’t want butts in seats; we want born-again disciples of Christ.
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates. (Proverbs 31:10-31)
If the church finishes strongly, it will be rewarded. “so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;” (1 Peter 1:7)
Just as Proverbs 31 describes a godly woman in detail, it also describes a godly church that is the bride of Christ.
God’s Organizational Chart
for God is not a God of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints. (1 Corinthians 14:33)
God is not a God of confusion. All organizations of more than one person require a differentiation in authority and responsibility in order for everyone to work together towards a common goal. Because of this, God has designed an organizational chart for both marriage and the church.
Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint. (1 Timothy 2:9-15) {emphasis mine}
This passage has lots of descriptions about how a Godly woman should adorn herself and live her life, but one of the interesting points in this passage is why God chose the husband as the head and commanded women to submit to their husbands.
The first reason is that Adam was created first and then Eve. Practically, the first person around was put in charge of the Garden of Eden and then became the head of the marriage and family.
The other reason is because it was the woman who was deceived. Eve was the original person to be tempted by Satan and to fall into temptation and disobey God.
In the same way:
Jesus is head of the church because he existed from the very beginning being involved in creation and before time existed. He was first, so He is head of the church.
Jesus is also head of the church because He lived a perfect life completely without sin. On the other hand we, the church, sin daily.
The parallels are many:
Woman are called to “adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly.” In the same way the church is called in Luke 12 to “do not worry about … your body, as to what you will put on. … Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!” Neither a woman or the church should focus on clothing or physical appearance.
Women are called to “adorn themselves … rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” In the same way the church should be known by its good works and not for pure attention seeking or complying with the culture.
“A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness.” In the same way the church should submit to the instruction of Jesus as given through the Bible. The church should never pick how it will act based on personal feelings/preferences or because of any leading of man contrary to God’s word.
Related to the previous statement 1 Corinthians 14:35 says, “If they (wives) desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church.” In the same way the church shouldn’t question the commands of Jesus, but should obey knowing that Jesus knows best. The church especially shouldn’t air its disagreements or misunderstandings before unbelievers, just as 1 Corinthians 6:1,4-6 says “*Does any one of you, when he has a case against his neighbor, dare to go to law before the unrighteous and not before the saints? … So if you have law courts dealing with matters of this life, do you appoint them as judges who are of no account in the church? I say this to your shame. Is it so, that there is not among you one wise man who will be able to decide between his brethren, but brother goes to law with brother, and that before unbelievers?*”
The most inspiring analogy between the commands to a wife and what is expected of the church is this, “But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.” The church should bear children. We are called to share the Gospel with unbelievers and to lead them to our Savior where they can become children of God. No member of the church can make a person a child of God, but we are called to do everything in our power towards that goal and leave the rest to God. We are to “continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.” This is true of all women, wives, and the church. The fact that “*faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint*” is mentioned with “*bearing of children*” suggests that our faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint can help lead people to Jesus. Also, since a mother is called to “*Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it*” (Proverbs 22:6), the church should disciple new Christians in the way of Christ, so when they are old, they will not depart from it and will join Jesus in paradise for the marriage supper of Christ.
I may do a part 2 comparing husbands to Christ, but this article is getting long and I think I covered the part that is more applicable to more people.
Trust Jesus.
your sister in Christ,
Christy
Bible verses are NASB (New American Standard Bible) 1995 edition unless otherwise stated
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